Online dating...... where have all the good men gone? Thread 110.

[Evilwater]

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

It is true. And if your skin gets too thick you start to believe the prince will turn into a frog at any moment. You kind of lose the belief

Evening all. I'm just reading through and catching up on all the adventures. Some good ones out there.......some tossers!!

I had a lovely date night with Mr 31 last night and he stayed till lunchtime today. Lots of cuddling and chatting, which I've missed. He's now researching weekends away for us.

Ah well, after saying she was looking forward to seeing me again, and then struggling to find a time she's available to see me, Miss Knee hasn't replied to my messages since yesterday and is back on OD.

So, onwards and upwards.

Bant Sorry to hear that.I hate that part - when they ghost you and you spot them online clearly looking for another date with someone else.

Bant, just see it as you had a lucky escape from a flakey lady

Evening all. Haven't posted much but i'm still watching with anticipation for everyone else

Lilac - I'm a terrible replier. I just get distracted. I reply eventually though most of the time. Don't get too downhearted if someone doesn't reply straight away. They might just be a bit flaky like me. I am trying to get better though

Bant - her loss Onwards and upwards indeed

So I miss talking to the Toyboy still. But I've been talking to someone I met on Bumble for a few days now and it's good. He seems normal. Suggested going to watch a film soon ... both cinema geeks. I'll let you know how this pans out

pringle not a typo unfortunately. When you are nearing ever closer to being 30 and have no experience it's just horrible.
Thanks for your advice. I think I will be ok once I have actually met him it's just the nerves of meeting him for the first time. It's going to be a long week.

Thnaks mother . I'm trying to find the balance of being excited and optimistic that this could work but at the same time trying not to get my hopes up. Could really do with the confidence boost just now.

Mr Lawyer chased. So I called him out on the no commitment thing. If he's open to an actual relationship with the right person, then I'll meet him. Maybe.

Oh, it's very hard to find that line between caring too much and not caring enough...

loobyloo1234 You're braver than me. I reject all first date offers apart from a quick drink with an exit clause. Good luck!

It occurs to me this isn't such hard work for some women because they just make an effort and look good normally. I only bring my A-game to a first date; I look like a wreck most of the time.

Lol Pringle, I'm definitely a jeans and t-shirt sort of women. I do usually wear a little bit of makeup and have reasonably presentable hair though.

Mrsfluff My hair only has two settings: dragged-through-a-bush and amazing. There is no in-between setting. I am actually growing tired of OLD because I am growing tired of spending so damn long with GHDs...

I really feel dating is so much more of an ordeal for women...

I'm also uncomfortable with people who answer a question with a question. It's so off-putting. I'm not sure if my Spidey sense is tingling unfairly but...

Does anyone just randomly block people if they get a bad feeling? I'm starting to get one of those. My Britishness is stopping me.

It is an ordeal!
I have to look smart for work anyway but legs, bikini, nails, hair, clothes, trying to lose weight, spots, make up etc... it's tiring!

Pringle - I think blocking over a bad feeling is possibly a bit far. It's happened to me before, I've been chatting to someone and they've suddenly blocked me for apparently no reason. I wasn't being rude or invasive, I was just chatting. I was a bit shocked when it happened to me.

Maybe just slow down the responses and block them if they get shitty?

For dates I try and wear jeans, a nice top and some nice shoes. I even straighten my hair

Currently I'm sat in my PJ's, eating a naan bread with my hair pinned back. I look a mess. Imagine I turned up a a date like this

How was everyone's weekend ?

I've been contacted by army guy who I'd deleted a couple of weeks ago because he stood me up. He had a good excuse but I've basically said contact me when you get home, I'm not spending two weeks building up my hopes again, I literally can't face it any more.

Bant He's just dodged suggesting a place to meet and asked where I work. It just feels very... intrusive. Remember, previously been stalked.

loobyloo1234 Yeah, anyone who gets past the first date will be shocked! I don't make this much effort twice for anyone!

Pisssssedofff Hmm, yeah, Mr Sweet and Mr Geek are supposed to be arranging dates with me this week. Cannot be bothered chasing. Cannot.

Mr IT who I met today hasn't texted me or shown any post-date interest. Cannot be bothered chasing.

I would like someone non-stalkerish to enter into a consistent method of communication with me. I am asking too much...

Bant You know, one of these days we're going to overanalyse a man's messages in this thread and the man is going to be you.

Probably, Pringle

Yeah the dodging is a little odd. You're perfectly justified to say you don't want to give out too much info before getting to know someone though. If he pushes then block him.

I could see myself asking where someone works, purely out of interest, without wanting to be intrusive.

The flip side of that is someone on here saying 'he shows no interest, he hasn't even asked where I work'

Bant The thing is, with OLD, no one is vouching for the other person. It's different if you're chatting to someone you've met through a friend.

With zero connections, I just don't want to give over any identifying information. I don't even give out my main phone number - I have a special one I can ditch if any men turn out to be nutters.

I would of course open up more if I got to know a new man better, but until I get to that point, every man is just as much a potential weirdo as he is a potential partner!

I wouldn't want to divulge my work place either!

Oh I know, I've heard horrible things that people have said or done. And I've been stalked myself, it's shit.

But you've got to walk that line between naïveté and distrust, haven't you? Don't give out personal info - and tell them that you won't, and judge their reaction to your telling them. That's what would make sense to me. Men can, I think, get interested and ask questions that you may not feel comfortable answering, and they should respect that you don't. But blocking them for asking something slightly personal is, I think, an over reaction.

It's the dodging of suggesting a place that's the thing that would concern me more, that smacks of married or weirdness.

pringle I don't think you're asking for too much! I think you should listen to your gut though- something is making you uncomfortable for a reason. It may be a genuine question but you don't have to answer.

Bant sorry about the ghosting. So rude.

Well I messaged MrHat to see if he wanted to go on a second date. Didn't hear anything for 24 hours so sadly wrote him off. A day later he messaged to say he didn't want a second date because he couldn't contemplate spending any further time with me!!! Ffs!

Had disasterous coffee date with MrTall on Friday. The minute he turned up I wanted to leave but decided I should stay until he finished his coffee- he nursed it for nearly an hour. His profile said he was my age but he looked more like my dad's age.

Been talking to a few more irons but everyone on OKCupid seems so complicated- lots of polyamory, ethical non monogamy/heteroflexible. . . I feel in the minority for just wanting a boyfriend. Been messaging one guy and I asked what he was looking for as his profile was confusing. He said 'this is what I'm after' and sent me a link to an hour long Alain de Boton speech!

Yes, yes, yes to PPs saying that dating is exhausting in terms of time and effort, and looking nice. Also embarrassing- I had to do the school run straight after one date and was stopped by so many folk in the playground asking where I'd been as I looked nice! ( gives an indication of my usual school run appearance!).

And yes to developing a thick skin. I felt really low after the 2 dates this week- even had a few tears and ate my body weight in chocolate. I do need to toughen up but I agree with the PP that said you do need to invest a bit.

It's tricky and I'm so grateful for this thread

Oh goodness and me, I was starting to feel like a right pshycho for wanting a boyfriend !
I've really put my foot down now because I've worked out what really pisses me off about the whole ghosting thing, which happens to me regularly, is when I didn't even like them much in the first place, it feels doubly insulting lol

Does anyone just randomly block people if they get a bad feeling?

I wouldn't Pringle ... seems a bit extreme as Bant said. He may just be making conversation, albeit in a little too familiar way

Clawdeen Could have been worded better, but at least you know where you stand with Mr Hat!

Feel you re Mr Tall. Mr IT was definitely older than his photo.

I get that at work. "Oooh, get you, where are you going looking all dolled up?" Cheers, guys.

Trying to avoid the comfort eating, because it just makes me fatter and less likely to find someone who thinks I look good!

Pisssssedofff I don't want a marriage proposal or a boyfriend instantly, but I would like to see someone who is open to the idea of something long term at some point in the future should we hit it off. This concept seems alien to many men. Dating with a view to more, not dating with a view to a quick shag.

Yes, that's exactly why I'm pissed off about Mr IT! Doubly insulting!