My world's been destroyed

[Sukistjames]

Tonight after 13 years together my husband has said he's leaving me. Completely out of the blue.
We have two DC together and I don't know how I'm going to get thorough this.

bb

Did you have any I kling at all? WhTs his reason?

Do you have any RL support? Friends or family who could come and sit with you?

How old are DC? Do you work? Own your home?

I had no idea at all. He's not been himself the last couple of days but he's been stressed at work. He just says he doesn't love me anymore.

My sister's come over
DC are 9 and 2.
I'm a part time teacher and we own our house.

That should say coming over.

Oh love, I'm so sorry. ☹️
Did you have any idea this was going to happen ?
We are all here for you ...

WhT do you mean by not himself?
Good you have RL as well as in support

What a horrible shock for you. Do you suspect another woman is involved?

I'm sorry he is following the script. I would put money on OW been involved.

I know it's a shock but get any money that is yours out of joint accounts .

Be prepared to go through a grieving process and don't try to stop it from happening. Shock, disbelief, sadness, anger. Then sometimes disbelief can suddenly happen months later and it feels like it will carty on and won't settle, but it will. Accept all the help you're offered and talk / vent on here.

This may have come out of the blue for you, but he will have been planning it for some time so you need to protect yourself financially. Speak to a lawyer before you agree to anything, and empty half of all joint accounts or inform the bank of the situation. He's no longer someone you can trust or rely on.

I'd put money on the 'stress at work' actually being a female colleague.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. You will get through this, though. You are stronger than you know.

I'm so sorry op

Sending love ❤️ xx

I am very sorry to hear that OP. However, take faith in the fact that you WILL get through this. It seems horrendous now, but will get easier.

Get your finances in order and take half of any joint accounts in case he empties them. Make sure you have details of who your mortgage is with and how much is outstanding. Seek some legal advice as soon as possible so that you know exactly where you stand.

Just remember this isn't out of the blue for him. He will have already checked out of your relationship, the OW/M will appear soon enough, sadly.

better than flowers I've always found.
Has he actually left?
Get yourself to solicitor first thing for advice. You have two kids there and you need to know where you stand. Also if you have a joint account or savings take out the money now if you can get to a bank.
Also if he did leave change the locks.
This happened to me. My exDh and been planning it for months with a girl he worked with. Had emptied our accounts and left us (3dc) with nothing.
Then about a month later my neighbour called me at work to say he was at the house with a van (I hadn't changed locks at this point) by the time I'd got home nearly all the furniture had gone. The kids were heartbroken.

I didn't think it would be long before the accusations of OW would be rolled out without any evidence.

Hope it all works out for your OP & it sorts itself out. Good luck

Thenaze I didn't mention OW in my post, and there may well not be OW. I know It is possible, however, as it happened to me too.

OP be aware that this could be a reason, but equally there could be something else. Either way the advice on accepting emotional support and getting financial advice are relevant.

OP I am so sorry. Your story is almost identical to mine and I am 2 months down this shitty road.
Please feel free to pm me if you want to talk to someone who has been through it very recently.
I wish you strength to get through these first awful few days. I hope sleep comes for you later. I really struggled to eat or sleep for about 2 weeks.

I'm so sorry. Are you going to stay in the house?

Thank you everyone. Got some sleep last night but not much.
He left last night to stay at a friends and my sister came over for a bit.
He says he wants me to stay in the house with the kids and we've talked about when he'll see them next.
No joint account and he'll keep paying what he's paying for bills and the mortgage.
I've no idea how we'll tell the eldest DC. He'll be devastated.

alec4 I've been lurking on your thread. I can't believe the same thing is happening to me.

OP- you should see a solicitor to get the financial side of things agreed formally as you may find he doesn't stick to paying what he does now. Contact council tax and get that reduced for you also and make sure you are getting everythjng you are entitled to including child benefit.

You will get through this. You have to remind yourself of that every day. For now, you have to get into survival mode. You have to protect your position and that of your DCs.

What Smartie said.

He says he wants me to stay in the house with the kids and we've talked about when he'll see them next.
No joint account and he'll keep paying what he's paying for bills and the mortgage.

This is guilt talking. For me, it lasted 3 months. I was a SAHM with 2 kids under 3. I had 6 weeks to find a job and childcare or I'd start getting into mortgage arrears. Don't believe him and do your best to get as financially secure as you can.

Re the OW. There is no way my XH would cheat on me. We were one of the happiest couples around. Or so I thought. It was my GP who said there will be someone else. I wouldn't believe it. As it transpired, he'd been in a relationship with a colleague for over 12 months before he left. When I was in hospital having DC2, and DC1 was with SIL, he was staying at her house.

In the past now and I wouldn't change my life for anything. Really, you will get through it. You deserve better.