My world's been destroyed

[Sukistjames]

Tonight after 13 years together my husband has said he's leaving me. Completely out of the blue.
We have two DC together and I don't know how I'm going to get thorough this.

Morning sukist So he he didn't respond to the counselling question Seems he doesn't want to put in the effort then? So sorry. Please let that be the last time you ask him. Preserve your dignity. You're not to go begging him, when he can't be asked. He'll just get a massive ego and worse, despise you for it. Let him go. If he won't even try to salvage things he really isn't worth it. As someone said upthread, he'll either come to his senses or he's sure he doesn't want to continue in the marriage. I know its incredibly hard

Well done for getting through the first weekend. I promise you it will get easier. Continue what you're doing keeping yourself busy. Cry whenever you need to. You're a capable and strong woman. His loss! He's an idiot. One day you'll laugh and realise you have moved on from him completely. Good luck at CAB.

My heart goes out to you, what a horrendous situation.

Even if he does not want to attend counselling as a couple, if and when you feel up to it you could go to counselling as an individual. Maybe not yet but in a few months it might be helpful to talk through your hurt and anger to help move forward.

You're doing an amazing job and you sound like a wonderful mother. Your children are so lucky to have you looking out for their interests in this sad situation.

I'm not surprised he wasn't interested in counselling. I've seen his sort before where they can't be arsed and just want to blame everyone else but themselves.

That's why I asked this upthread:-

He was feeling neglected, what do you feel he was doing to nurture the relationship or was this something he just expected from you?

I'm sorry I've not been back for a while. There was nothing new to report.

Christmas was shit - he saw the DC in the morning then left. He had them overnight Boxing Day. He's got them New Year's Eve and I really don't know what to do with myself.

I've spent the last 7 weeks burying my head in the sand that this wasn't happening but now I have to face the reality. He's a pathetic excuse for a man to do what he has just before Christmas. He really is like a stranger- not the person I fell in love with and I see that now.

Now Christmas is over I need to ensure the DC and I are in a secure position and get a formal separation agreement drawn up. Do I need a solicitor for this? I have no idea what I need to do.

He told me today via text that he is moving into a house share shortly. I really do not feel comfortable with the DC staying over in a house with random people I don't know. Can I prevent him from having them overnight if this is the case?

I'm so sorry for the situation you're in. But you really do need to speak to a solicitor at this stage. Get on Google and find one near you that specialises in Family Law.

Thank you alvinp. I've found a local solicitors that offer a free initial consultation. I'll phone in the morning.

Does he know the people he plans to share the house with?
Are they men or women?

I have no idea quickly, but it makes no difference to me.

I have an appointment with a solicitor booked. What questions should I be asking?

The DC have just left with their Dad for two nights. Not sure what to do with myself. I feel so low and may just spend NYE with a bottle of wine and Netflix.