Support thread for those of us having to 'co-parent' with a narc or very difficult exh thread 3

[Lilacpink40]

Thred 3!

Just run with it lilac ! Grab the opportunity! My WN was told by Court to organise holidays 2 months in advance... 2 weeks away from school break up and despite many requests (as I have to organise my work) do you think he's committed to anything ?? WANKER.

purple what will you do about Xmas then? Will he get away with minimal notice or will you just say he can't have them over Xmas?

Mine has ignored all requests for advance warning so far. Sometimes he 'tells' me he wants them from tomorrow onwards for the weekend. I've learnt to say no to such short advance warning requests.

Lilac your ex sounds like he might have an ulterior motive! If it works for you then good idea to make the most of it but I do you think he might change his mind and drop you in it later?

Name he's sly and likes his 'golden' image so I don't think he will. I know it suits him somehow.

Lilac I can't get over the fact that he only had them 4 days out of the 6 week summer holidays ! Was that in addition to his normal contact days?

Purple you posted about your ex supposed to be arranging holidays 2 months in advance, but not even doing it 2 weeks in advance. Just makes the whole court process seem utterly pointless.

Ohb Has your ex received the letter yet ? If so, has there been any response?

Only 4 days over the whole summer holidays?!

He did his usual one day per weekend (as in day 11am-7pm). Did one overnight under duress. As their groups weren't on he didn't have them then so no evening breaks. I'm not a teacher but work in education so thankfully only had prep days and can take lots of leave in Aug.

So he had 2 days for 4 weeks and 1 day for 2 weeks. I had DCs so much that I was a bit crazy at end, desperate for school to start back up. Then missed them when they went!

Hey all, hope everyone is ok been reading the thread but more of a lurker by nature lol
SF has gone silent no contact tf! Got date through for next hearing on 23rd Feb, I'm supposed to be trying to facilitate contact between SF and DS1 but I'm not sure how to do that when it's a 16yr old boy who quite frankly couldn't give a flying f*ck whether he never sees his father again 🙄 I'll keep mentioning it to him and I've suggested a neutral meeting place to him but no go so far.
DS3 is 13 today, won't see him until tomorrow but doing cake and presents for him on Saturday.
Now 32+3wks and waddling! Lol had growth scan Monday and sprog still on 50th percentile and an estimated 4lb 2/3oz currently, that's huge compared to the boys weights of 5lb8, 5lb9, 4lb10 and 5lb all at term!

Chystal sod your useless SF, your preg sounds like it's going really well. I can't remember is term 37 weeks - could be a baby?

If your DS says no to visits I think at 16 it's his decision?

He hasn't received it yet, I asked her to sent it on a specific day, so it would arrive when DP will be home every night for a few days after just in case.

Wow Lilac that really is breathtakingly selfish of WN. When I see those Fathers for Justice types, dressed as Batman hanging off a bridge somewhere, I often wonder what the real story is. I'm afraid now I tend to think WN who can't get his own way.

Chrystal Glad to hear you're well. I agree with Lilac about your DS who's 16. If he doesn't want to see him then I think at that age he's able to make his own decision. Sad, but if it's for the best then so be it.

As for Twat. Having checked his "calendar" he is of course free tomorrow night. So two sleep overs and half the weekend for him, I've been agreeable as it suits me and the dc. Dd just came off the phone to him. She has a commitment on Sunday but was trying to get out of it because she didn't want to disappoint dad and his friends .

I said if her dad gave us more warning of things then she could rearrange her commitments, but he hasn't, so she can't. I also said it wasn't up to her to worry about their feelings. Also, I asked her why she thought she would automatically be spending the rest of the weekend with him/them. Her answer was basically about them, not her. I said I had plans for Sunday with her and other dc, so whatever she/dad said, she would be with me. She also has school work to do.

She then said could I give dad my new number. I said she had it so could pass it on. She mentioned he was cross that I hadn't given it to him. I said that was of no interest to me, and reminded her that she had spent months at his new house when I had no idea of his address.

She mentioned again about the fact twat and I don''t communicate. I said he's too unreasonable, so it's not possible.

We've had a nice evening out tonight, but this sort of conversation just makes things feel yuck again.

Dusters glad DS isn't old enough to understand what's going on in our situation.

2ww update. Had negative tests but no AF. By my dates I'm due on 8th Dec, but I ovulated really early so it could come early maybe? God knows.

Dusters grr at your WN for having those entitled 'up to me' rules, whilst others are on tighter rules. Hate to see them fall off their superior pedestals one day. Splat into reality! ok I'd give a big push if I could

Ohb if not this month you have excuse to have extra fun with OH?
I hope it is positive for you though.

I'm distracted from WN by thinking about new man. I'd say odds of it continuing are 50:50, but I can see there could definitely be more short term fun so ignoring long term thoughts.

Thanks Lilac I've noticed when I do things that could be seen as nice/helpful/adult, there''s always some backlash. Don't know why, not even going to bother wondering, it's just very boring. I like your attitude towards new man, with that approach it'll be win/win. I've seen HJM a couple of times in passing recently, not to talk to. He might come round today to finish the work, I hope so, I've missed seeing him.

Fingers crossed for you Ohb

Dusters and lilac, I agree DS1 should make his own choice but with cafcass coming at some point to speak to all the boys including DS1 I need to at least show willing and that I'm encouraging him 🙄
Yeah term is classed as 37-42wks but I always go on dd, could do without another December birthday tbh already got two! lol I'll be making sure everything is ready for sprog by 36wks tho just in case.
Ohb keeping my fingers crossed for you

I may have been quite tipsy last night and said to OH I want to have a baby and he may have agreed... In the cold light of day I realise its terrible timing for that as I'd have to wean myself off my meds first and right now I need my meds more than ever. But its rather nice to know he wants to as well.

Hope you get a positive Ohb

It sucks having those difficult conversations with DC doesn't it dusters?

DD had a sleepover with OH's little sister at FIL's last night. Ex called in the evening and I told him she wasn't home but we'll call tomorrow and he tried to order me to give him the phone number to call her there, but he didn't ask for FIL's phone number, he demanded I give him OH's little sister's phone number! And tried to tell me its the law that I have to give him her number. I just cracked up laughing and hung up on him, what an idiot.

it's the law Yeah, right, just like you have to leave a carrot for Santa's reindeer - it's the law !!!

That's an exciting thought for the future Nats , your little dd would be so thrilled.

She is always asking when are we getting a baby! Although she's also desperate for a big sister and I had to explain that without a time machine, that's just not possible...

Another negative this morning but still no period and my boobs feel like they're on fire!

Ooh natsku bless her that's sweet. I asked DS if he wants a brother or a sister and he said a dog instead

ohb that's a good sign! Aching boobs is why I took a pg test in the first place in Turkey no less! I'd taken the map, and got onto the mini pill two weeks previously, my mum said it was just my body adjusting to the pill (no period, sore boobs etc) but I just knew, 3 positive tests later I got absolutely smashed on bogof cocktails in Marmaris harbour for the shock and had to wait a week til I got home to break the news to then newish bf, it's not something you text is it? Lol we're thrilled now but it took a couple of weeks to get over the 'oh fuck' reaction lol 🙈

My boys wanted a sister, I got eye rolls when I told them it's another boy lol like I could choose 😂

I had no idea I was pregnant for weeks, thought the morning sickness was a tummy bug! Wasn't until a friend joked that I was pregnant after I ran off to throw up for the 10th time at the pub, that it occurred to me that it was possible. Took the test the next day at my friend's place and she was the first to know - reckon I was about 6 weeks gone at that point!

DS was a pill baby, we had only been together a couple of months

Posted too soon there!!

It's so much harder when you're hoping for it and then waiting for the right time to test! Just want either period to come or a positive!

I would have thought the same re tummy bug! Especially as my morning sickness has always been just really bad nausea rather than actually being sick. Was 5 and a half weeks when I took the tests this time. Have told DP in no uncertain terms I'm not doing this again! Lol he can just be a tad spoilt with lots of older siblings! I've already got 4 and this is DP's 4th, although this pg is running smoothly it's so much harder than 10yrs ago especially now I'm waddling

We knew we hadn't been as careful as we should so I went and got the morning after pill within 12hours, supposed to be 95% effective just my luck I'm the 5%! Have issues with most hormone contraceptives so hadn't been taking anything for years and hadn't needed to with previous bf/fwb (he'd had the snip). DP going to have the snip done as he doesn't want more either, think I'm going to talk to him about getting it done sooner rather than later as when the baby arrives is a good time.
Yes it's much harder when you're planning it isn't it? I remember it well!