Support thread for those of us having to 'co-parent' with a narc or very difficult exh thread 3

[Lilacpink40]

Thred 3!

It's a difficult one. So many conflicting opinions (see my other thread where everyone else is against)...

Ohb if the letter isn't sent then, as others have suggested, a second solicitor's advice wouldn't hurt. If the letter has gone then it's gone and it's up to him to react.

Whatever happens you're trying very hard to do the right thing for your family, even this uncertainty shows that you're trying to work out what is best. Could you try to have some time where you say I'm going to have a break from this and I'll pick this back up tomorrow?

Update on date. It went well as we were both very honest. He came back but just lots of kissing. Today I saw him and everything else happened

We're going to see each other and see how it goes. I don't think he's a WN but it's too early and I don't trust my opinion so will keep checking!

Ooh lilac

You're right, there's sweet FA I can do until Monday anyway so no point ruining the weekend. DSS is sleeping over tonight, he's not coming until DS is in bed but he will be over the moon to see him when he wakes up.

Also update on the tww... I got what I think is an evap line yesterday

Lilac you little minx !! I'm so excited for you. So it was a small expresso but followed by a family sized cafetiere with sugar, whipped cream and a swirly biscuit on top. Yay .

Apologies for ignorance Ohb but was is an evap line ?

Evaporation Line, where the wee has dried.

Ohb are you going to give a few days and test again?

Dusters it was great fun, now just hope it carries on. Not just the full cafetiere but in general. Feel a bit vulnerable as I could really like him. Full on distraction from WN

Sorry to sidetrack here but for all the buttermint tea addicts.. where do you actually buy it??! Today I went on a mission... Waitrose, Asda, Tesco's Sainsbury's, M&S and Co-op! Seriously!! Nowhere to be found! HELP!!!

Lilac go distraction and full out fun mode.

Have any of you seen this card ?
Women's aid sent it to me.

I keep looking at it.
Now interestingly, it's the last line on the red side I keep bringing to mind in my own dating situation but not about him, about me!

Well being. It's ours. No one else's. This is part of the protect yourself from harm thing.

So on the flip side, don't let your own emotions wash too hard on the date man/HjM scenario.

Ohb

Stay with us through the anxiety.
We all know the feeling. You're doing everything right.

Thanks dusters. I'm going to try to enjoy it rather than over think it.

Line in red - do you mean seduces bit in bold?

On the postcards for me the twat side in red glares, never looks after the children, one about stopping a woman having friends and making a woman feel wrong stand out.

Purple the co-op near me have extensive range of Twinnings tea. No idea why as it's not a superstrore by any stretch of the imagination.

According to the Twinnings website and a little research it has been withdrawn!!!!! Can't get it anywhere! This is SO unfair!

No way.
How ridiculous.
I'm

Off to try to sleep knowing my buttermint treat days will soon end

That's really interesting Dung. I'm keen on HJM but I'm getting on with life just the same as always. If something happens, great, but if not, I'm ok anyway. I'm already seeing he would be a nice addition to my life - on my terms - not life changing. I don't want life changing. I don't want to wrap my life up with someone else's again. I compartmentalise a lot of stuff now, and I think I'd do this with a relationship.

There's a Buddhist concept of bringing happiness to your life, not expecting life to bring it to you. When I first learnt this years ago I thought it was nonsense. If your life is dreadful how can you wake up and think I'll bring my own happiness to it. It doesn't mean that. Over the years I've come to appreciate the sentiment, and that last line of the red card reminded me of it tonight.

If you pin your happiness on external things, including relationships, because life always changes there is always the chance that things will go wrong. So, it's not to say don't have a relationship, or friends, or work, or money etc, it's your expectations of them that matter. Make yourself happy, and bring that feeling to your experiences, not expecting to draw it from them. It's not an easy thing to do, but the more you practice it, it really does change your outlook.

Is this the kind of thing you were thinking Dung ?

Oh no Lilac for your Buttermint tea ! Try and stock pile a load before it's too late.

Ooo Lilac! Sounds like you had a good time!

I think a second opinion is a good idea Ohb if the letter hasn't gone out already. But don't think about it until Monday and try and enjoy the rest of the weekend.

Had a difficult conversation with DD last night. She asked about why I left daddy and why can't we live with daddy again. I explained that I left him and we can't live together again because we don't love each other any more. She then mentioned daddy doing bad things to me and asking if seeing parents fight can make a child very very scared and very very sad, I said yes and that's another reason I left because I don't want her to see me and daddy fighting. She was very upset and talking about how she misses daddy and asking why he won't come to visit her in the church (where the supervised visits happen). Its heartbreaking.

Oh Nats that's so hard for both of you. Honesty is the only way, but you'd do anything to protect them from it all, wouldn't you? I don't know about you, but when I have/had these type of chats with mine, I feel like I'm taking away a bit of their innocence. At least though we're helping them make sense of what can be a very confusing world. Hopefully it makes them more realistic and able to cope in the future, but it's painful when they're so young.

Nats I agree with dusters about honesty. Imagine if you hadn't have talked she'd have had all those feelings inside. Now they're out and she's shared her sadness it probably feels better for her. for you both.

Dusters I think dating when you already have a full life, are older with DCs, is different. Both people often have responsibilities and commitments. There is a part of me that doesn't know whether I could live with a man again, but I definitely want the intimacy and emotional parts. There's also the knowledge that if it doesn't work out life will continue. Well that's how I feel now, but haven't got passed the early stage of dating anyone since separation.

You're right about the dating when you're older and with DCs Lilac. It only occurred to me recently that if I met someone new, I would be dating as a mum for the first time. My other significant relationships have all been me single and childless. This stopped me in my tracks a bit. I knew it but hadn't really thought about what that meant.

As you say though, it's the intimacy and emotional parts that would be great to have. I feel like nobody has that side of me anymore.

Meant to say Nats - the documentary sounds interesting. Are you able to say anything about it, or is it too outing?

www.teascout.co.uk/product/twinings-buttermint-sensation-20-tea-bags-pack-of-4-total-80-tea-bags/

Ohb yipee thanks!!

Being honest is the best way, I agree. She asked if she will get ill like daddy is (his delusional disorder) and that made me very sad, not sure if there's a genetic link with it or not.

The documentary is about my brother dusters just finished filming now. DD insisted on pretending to be a cat and kept biting me! And generally lots of showing off in front of the camera while I was typically awkward as fuck.

But they were very impressed with the house one of them kept saying "wow this house is wonderful!"

Maybe you'll be in Homes & Gardens as well then Nats ! I remember we all liked your kitchen floor. I bet your dd will look very sweet in the programme, albeit a little feline