Support thread for those of us having to 'co-parent' with a narc or very difficult exh thread 3

[Lilacpink40]

Thred 3!

dusters

I think you dodged that bullet well lilac

Natsku that made me smile. I do love the sound of your DD.

frog hope you have a good week.

stripy ...hand hold? Agree with dusters that it sounds planned. Have CMS contacted you about shared care, have you been able to tell them he's not doing it?

lilac I know it feels crap for you now, but seriously, being able to walk away like that is fabulous. How many of us are here because we tried to fix broken men? (I am trying not to be too hard on myself because I've already been emotionally involved when it's happened to me, but in future I am going to channel you and if it happens again, Walk Away). Those signs are pretty clear, especially so soon. On to the next one?

dusters aaaaahhhhh!!!!!!!!!! SO EXCITING!!!!!!!!

Are you home from court Chrystal ? How did it go ?

Yes, how did it go Crystal?

I'm away on holiday but unfortunately have to return to court in the middle of our break.

Opinions please:

As you know the CAFCASS report went in my favour. We have court this week. We are supposed to have both filed position statements in response to the CAFCASS report.

Instead I have filed mine and Ex had his solicitor write to say that Ex will give up asking for full residency if I yield to him requesting something else which we are not agreed upon.

This is blackmail isn't it?

Hi all, thanks everyone for your well wishes today. Good news, DS1 can stay with me until cafcass have done a full section 7 report in regards to all four children to be completed by 20th Feb. All previous contact orders wrt DS1 are null and void basically 👍🏻 We asked if the additional Wednesday contact for DS2&3 to be reinstated but SF said no typically but my barrister said after that it won't reflect well on him with cafcass.
Oh and the stress sent me to the antenatal ward for three hours last night for monitoring, baby fine but I've got antibiotics for a uti. Thank fuck DS and I can breathe a sigh of relief til February and I'll have had the baby by then!

No, Fidelia

It was in a letter to my solicitor.

Chrystal so sorry to hear about the stress taking its toll on you, but assuming the report is fair then all will be ok now? 👍 hope you have a more restful sleep tonight!

Frog can you call him out on blackmail in court? it is blackmail

Having been on 4 OLD (online dating) sites this evening I've remembered how fun it can be to message men and that, if nothing else, having good experiences would be nice. I'm not planning on rushing introductions with DCs, but like the idea of having an adult special person (I have family and friends so it's not a rush though).

Dusters ah the special pop up cafe man. Yes I'll avoid remember him well. Ball dress and hair up, or tousled beachy look?

No, it did not say 'without prejudice'.

Frog in my limited experience I think Courts like proposals/offers and things settled outside Court if at all possible. Solicitor told me that an agreement can be reached up to 48 hours before the date, Court then told and can be stopped.

They can also get pissed off with all the noise/slagging off between parents before Court and just ignore all of it and focus on 'going forward'.

I think he's trying it on. And if it doesn't benefit your children then you should stick by your guns. But again in my limited experience Courts get to make a ruling that is neither towards one 'parent' or the other and can rule what they deem to be a middle ground.

My DC's missed 2 holidays this year because of SHIT Court dates and costs.

Oh there's been plenty of 'slagging off' from his side - and a shed load of lies too.

I still cannot quite believe they are offering to drop his pursuit of residency but only if I give in to this particular demand 😒

That's good news Chrystal except for the stress of course

Chrystal, hope you can relax until the baby comes.

I bumped my old thread earlier and received varied advice, some not so nice... finding all the conflicting advice hard and still in the position where I haven't a bloody clue what to do. Should I print out texts/emails to show solicitor? Would a court even care since they are directed at me? The uncertainty is getting to me. I just want to feel happy again.

Frog I find the entire situation unbelievable. My first WN took me to court for 'full residency' threatening me with all sorts. Got there and he hadn't applied for that at all (he had lied surprise surprise) Judge asked if I had ever withheld access 'No' then proceeded to bollock him for even going to court. We drew up an agreement with a barrister then and there (all he wanted was once a month - such a devoted dad!) then a week or so later he told me that he had changed his job and had always known it was on the cards and our agreement wasn't worth the paper it was written on. Then years followed of barely any effort made at all for access.

Incidentally when I asked his (nasty) new girlfriend why they had told me they were going for 'full custody' Her response was 'how stupid are you? No court in the land would have given us full custody'. So the only and sole intention on their part was to cause hurt and trouble. When I said to her that I couldn't understand why she would want to put me and DS through all of that stress and worry she said 'what kind of mother are you if you let it effect your child'

Class act eh? Never have 2 people been so well suited.

My point is people have nasty intentions and play awful games out of spite. I don't know all the ins and outs of what's going on Frog but it's clear there is game playing and nastiness. I wish you much luck. The truth will out.

Chrystal what a fab outcome. You can relax and look forward to Christmas now. Great news.

Hi all. I haven't been on here in a while. Sorry to hear your ex is still being a pain frog. These childish men never change, do they? I'd definitely raise that in court. What a nasty bully. Hopefully the judge will give him a good bollocking!

Purple, your ex and his girlfriend sound awful

Also, not much going on here with my narc ex. He keeps cancelling contact with DS with very little notice. I told him tonight that it wasn't good enough, and that DS must come first before his social life.

He offered to give me a copy of his 'schedule' so I would know in advance if he would be coming to contact (i.e. His nights out planned for the near future). Cheeky fucker! I immediately thought of you guys and thought you might appreciate this little gem.

Two hours a week is all he sees DS and he can't even be bothered to do that. It's heartbreaking for our children, but I do have to see the humour in his arrogance or I'd drive myself mad!

Frog As you know I don't have experience in this area. But just looking at the bland facts it looks like blackmail. Presumably he knows you don't want him to have full residency. To stop it going through court with the (slim?) chance that he gets it, he'll only withdraw by making you agree to something he knows you don't agree with ? Whatever the details/situation, that looks like blackmail.

Also, you've done as agreed, filed your statement. He's done what he wants to do, and is playing games. Presumably this won't look good for him?

Really great news Chrystal with your ds. Not surprised you were so stressed out, glad you're home safe and well.

Ohb I had a quick look at your thread earlier today. There were a lot of comments along the lines of if you keep talking to your ex, possibly offering access, basically co-operating with him and being amenable, it's going to be hard to then say why you're so scared of him having unsupervised access to your son. I thought a lot of these points were well founded.

I do understand that it's the very fact that you're intimidated by him that is making you react when he makes his demands. I would definitely show a print out of the texts and emails to your solicitor. Please try to stop thinking about your ex's needs/wishes/wants. Remember, the normal rules don't apply with these men. Nobody is going to think you're mean or out of order. Again, he's not your friend.