He's left hand holding needeed

[Alfiemoon1]

Ok so I posted before the thread about making a tit out of myself. Things have continued I get stressed and have a go every time she texts and start the whole argument over again he got naffed off last night and left. He's not come back yet. I am probably being paranoid I just can't help going into a rage every time she texts help. I have recently gone on the mini pill can that screw your head up I have never been a jealous person

Alfie I'm sorry but I'm laughing out loud here at you being wooed with a fish supper.

I didn't sit and eat it with them they had eaten theirs I picked the kids up stayed in the car so I didn't have to see him they handed me cold fish and chips lol. I did warm them up and eat them but not exactly a romantic gesture lol

It will hit him tonight how he's living it's his night off and he is sat at his mums with no wifi and only free view tv and she goes to bed at 9 pm. Lol

I will for once be able to watch what I want. The tv kept turning over as he was recording so much stuff so I've cancelled them

The pickle dh has got himself into is that he has left me someone who manages our day to day life is independent and actually doesn't need him for someone who has a partner and isn't interested if it wasn't my life I would would almost feel sorry him

Problem is, if he wanted to come come how would you ever know that he didn't leave in the hopes of starting something with V? He really has handled this stupidly if he did leave only to punish you.

He still hasn't contacted me and now v has ended our arrangement so we have no body to put the horse out hopefully the yard owner will as she does a few and hopefully v hasn't told everyone at the yard our problems

Alfie this is for the best re the horse. And why would you worry about V telling people your problems? I'd be telling people and explaining her role in it.

I just have a very upset worried dd at the moment when we moved to that yard it had a livery service but that has ended lots of people have left because of it the rest of us have made arrangements between ourselves. The owner is doing a few turn outs so I am hoping she will now do our horse she is a lovely lady but can be fickle and doesn't need the money most of the stables are empty now so it's difficult. It is a lovely yard we get on with everyone I never see v it's within walking distance from dd school it's secure and the horse is settled I don't want to move yards gggrrr dh has screwed everything up despite everything I never got v involved it was between us

Alfie do you feel like faking it till you make it. Go to the yard. Head up. Back straight. Be so confident that you make V think twice about being around when you are.

I am holding my head up I never see v as she did the mornings I do the evenings that was the arrangement. He's just text me he wants to talk tomorrow wtf he know we have both been off all day today yet he chooses tomorrow when I am working and finish the same time as the kids pfft

You don't have to talk to him until you are ready. If it is still too painful then say you are not ready.

Even if you do, you don't have to agree to anything. You can say you will think about it and let him know.

If you moved yard you would still have the same turn out issues. It will work out, you will find someone else to do it. Interesting timing him wanting to talk.

Update he is still at his mums although we have seen each other at dd 6 th form open evenings. We are talking he apologised for making matters worse as have I he insists nothing is going on or ever will she is just a friend he is trying to understand my feelings and we both agree we need to make an effort spend more time together etc etc. Problem is I know he has contacted v since we have been apart despite him no longer discussing horse arrangement he says just chit chat. He hasn't offered to delete and block her and I don't feel I can insist on this as nothing has gone on. Do I want to check his phone yes and I can't guarantee that if she text him while I was with him I wouldn't go ballistic even if it's for no reason so at the moment we are not living together but talking I haven't contacted solicitors tax credit etc yet and am not sure what will happen. Someone mentioned a book that might help but can't find it now but would be interested in reading it as I don't know where we go from here

He's prepared to address his drinking and in fairness that has improved since we got the horse as since she has needed putting out in the morning he has got up to do it. I know I don't feel great about myself or life at the moment it's all work running round after the kids etc and wonder if that's why I have reacted like I have. I dont want to throw away 22 years together for me feeling insecure about myself in general but I won't be made a fool of either. And I just can't promise I won't lose it and drag it all up again even if it's just a hi how are u this is such a mess

Alfie he's still in contact with her. He's laughing at you. And so is she. He's made his pecking order very clear.

Hopefully others will come along and help you to see what's going on because for now I'm stumped.

So he is willing to come back but will not stop his friendly little chats with V? So nothing changes?

He doesn't really understand at all.

He's made you feel like this is all your imagination hasn't he?

I'm sorry but he has apologised for making matters worse but is still in contact with V so what is he apologising for exactly?

You had nothing to apologise for.

What I can see is that he clearly realises he had a good thing going with you - that is, you took care of everything and he had wifi and creature comforts but is still not ready to stop sniffing around V. You're gonna accept him back because you think you need him, but you really really don't. Get some guts. He made his bed now make him lie - he's shown you how he really feels about yoy.

He's been round to fix the electrics I looked at his phone he's deleted all his messages to v. I asked him about it he said he's deleted all his messages from everyone so why are mine his brothers his work mates still there.

So even now when he is trying to understand how you feel he is keeping secrets and lying to you.

Not really a great start to fixing things if in the first week he is lying is it?

I don't know what to think anymore I've told him I need some space to think. I have been so anxious going to the yard in case everyone knew so wanted to know what he's said to v I wanted to know how often he had text her while he has been at his mums but he has deleted it all which makes me wonder what he's hiding but it's probably nothing just chit chat he can't even prove that now so why delete it

Dear God Alfie, please hold your head up high and go to the yard. You have done nothing to be ashamed of. And so what If people know what's going on????

Re his texting V. It's proof this situation is set to run and you quite honestly have to let it take its course - whilst looking at each day in your own as you being a day closer to a happy ending of your own making.

You really can do this you know. In fact I would put money on you coming to the conclusion a wee bit further down the line that you really don't want him - but you just don't want anyone else to have him either.

Let this mess be what it is and what it's been for a long time - something that is not going to work. Something that's not going to be sorted out one day.

Nothing has changed EXCEPT as v is no longer helping with the horse he has NO EXCUSE to be in contact with her at all - yet he IS and he's keeping what's being said SECRET!

Totally unacceptable. And YOU had nothing to apologise for, if anything you've been bloody soft with him!

Get your legals and financials in order and kick this cheat into touch.