He's left hand holding needeed

[Alfiemoon1]

Ok so I posted before the thread about making a tit out of myself. Things have continued I get stressed and have a go every time she texts and start the whole argument over again he got naffed off last night and left. He's not come back yet. I am probably being paranoid I just can't help going into a rage every time she texts help. I have recently gone on the mini pill can that screw your head up I have never been a jealous person

Time to get finances organised then - including cms claim.

Have you a joint account with him? If so open a new account with a new bank for your money to go into.

He insists he hasn't cheated isn't looking to cheat its just watching porn online my head is whizzing round with thoughts now. We had all that stuff with v where again nothing happened why is he trying to make me go crazy and turn into a jealous fool I have never been suspicious before

Yes joint acc all money goes in there and all dd go out we both get paid Friday I don't earn enough to cover the mortgage and the bills and I guess he hasn't thought about how things like his car insurance and gym etc will be paid if he takes out all of his wages. I am going to have to call his bluff as it to close to pay day to change where my wages go.

He says he doesn't want us to split up he wants to come home but if I can't forget about everything as nothing has happened he has no choice but to look for somewhere to rent feeling confused now

Are either of you actually prepared to listen to each other, I mean really listen? You've been going round in circles for an eternity now and seem to go from one accusation to another. I think I would have issues in his position, as it must seem like he can't win.

I think you're both awful at communicating, as was shown when you both used your daughter as a go between.

Sorry to sound harsh, but that's the impression I get as an outsider. For what it's worth I do think he behaved like a dick about v, but I'm not convinced you've behaved particularly rationally at times

If you both want reconciliation someone needs to reach out first.

If you want to stay married that's your choice but in my opinion if he hasn't actually (physically) cheated he was thinking about it, possibly an EA with v.

What he's now doing is gas lighting.

I can only comment from my own perspective. My ex cheated, I'd never been jealous type with him or anyone else, yet suddenly according to him I'd 'always' been jealous.

He lied and lied and lied - I only got a confession several years later when he was drunk and had been kicked out by ow/2nd wife for...

Cheating!

I wasn't on mn then. I didn't have as much life experience. I didn't have friends that were going through/had been through the same.

Now I do.

Now I know ALL cheats do the same

Deny deny deny
Act insulted at even being accused
Accuse the cheated on person of being jealous, paranoid, insecure, even outright crazy.
Accuse the cheated on person of not caring about the marriage/family.

Oh and my ex denied even though I had evidence! Texts, emails, restaurant receipts.

Happy bunny he refuses to talk just ends up shouting how this is my fault nothing went o with v. He refuses point blank to even see my point of view
Yes it may look like I have moved on to new accusations but until my friend told me about his twitter likes I knew nothing about him accessing porn and when trying to discuss it with him he contradicts himself. If he had said yes I am watching it u have nothing to be insecure about the live web chats are pop ups I've never been on them nor would I. I would feel differently. He twists everything and won't admit any responsibility. With everything that has gone on in such a short space of time I am feeling insecure and possibly am looking to catch him out but he's really not helping matters by lying constantly

The man doesn't really care about you or your feelings. Even now.

You can't call his bluff on the money, that way leaves you risking having to rely on others to help you out.

Can you call up the mortgage company and ask for a payment holiday for a few months where you pay the interest only.

I would point out to him that the mortgage not getting paid will affect him as much as you.

Tell him if his salary comes out you will have to cancel his car insurance and gym from there as they are not being paid from your salary and would he also give you (the going rate on line child maintenance). Is there anything else of his you can cancel? Phone? Sky? etc?

If he gives you nothing get onto the child maintenance people straight away. Also council tax for a single parent and any other benefits/support you may be entitled to.

Yes he twists it all and that makes it very difficult to have any sort of meaningful conversation.

I didn't actually realise he 'liked' the porn on twitter, so yes anyone following him would see it. Kind of weird he would do that.

I presume his name is on the mortgage so he is as responsible as you are. Just wait to see if he carries out his threat, you can always enquirer to see what you are entitled to.

yes it was under his likes so anyone could see it iam not even on twitter and I could see it which is why a mutual friend told me about as he has dd friends following him. He denied it at first said he never goes on twitter hasn't been on it for years then blamed all his porn history on his phone on twitter links and they are recent only then I found it on his facebook video watched links as well. when mentioned he gets angry it's his business it's nothing to do with me so I get annoyed he's being secretive and dishonest I feel like I am banging my head against a wall with him he just doesn't get it

Yes it's a joint mortgage

Would he be able to rent somewhere while on the mortgage neither of us has a great credit rating

I can't help thinking he's just calling my bluff he moved to his mums I haven't begged him to come back I've just got on with it. I have the online banking codes he's never shown any interest in our finances so i could transfer the lot to my online savings acc before he could even get to the cash machine. What I think i will do is pay all the bills straight away and transfer some food money then he can have the rest if he chooses to withdraw his money. Does that sound reasonable?

If you do that make sure that the account cannot go overdrawn in case he tries to take out more than is left.

Paid the bills kept some for food petrol and he's taken nothing out. Knew it was an idle threat. We now have to be in an arrangement with v at the yard again as the millionaire owner has decided she doesn't want to put horses out anymore. After faffing on his and dd part I text her saying like for like Monday to Friday she turns out we bring in sorted. The cheeky cow borrowed our horse fleece a week ago her horse rolled in shit and she hasn't washed it yet dh and dd have texted asking her to wash it it's still there stinking I text her tonight politely asking her wash it she's picking it up tomorrow lol

wonder if all this shit would of happened if I had just sorted the arrangements with v myself lol

Omg he seriously never ceases to amaze me. Dd has been offered a better arrangement an earlier turn out for our horse which is better so we have told v we are taking that and now he ain't speaking to either me or dd because v is upset wtf when v dropped us in it to go to a better arrangement with l I bet v didn't get the silent treatment seriously what is wrong with him ???

What is wrong with him is that at the moment he cares more for this other woman because it gives him something back.

You are the boring old slippers he doesn't get new and exciting feelings from you right now.

He does from her.

So much for them no longer talking. The first thing that happens is she tells him and he has a go at you...

He never stopped texting her he refused to. So dd text v an emotional text about how her dad puts her feelings first v replies stop making your dad out to be a bad person he mucks out your horses stable and to not contact her again. V later texts to apologise and say dh won't be doing her horse and she doesn't want to cause problems in our family. Apparently now dh and v have come to a mutual agreement to end the friendship by text. I asked to see this but of course it has been deleted. My guess is v text first so dh had no other choice but to agree. Dh has sorted things out with dd who now thinks every thing is sorted as they won't be in contact with v. He hasn't apologised to me for all the upset he's caused still refuses to accept any responsibility for the upset and basically thinks I am enjoying all this drama and I think he is expecting to come home so dd is giving me the guilt trip about carrying all this on when they are no longer in contact gggrrr

Proof is in the pudding. Easy to say they are no longer in contact. I don't believe it.

You really need your DD out of this. She should not be texting v about this all. She should not be discussing and guilt tripping you.

It is nothing to do about v it is all about your H's treatment of you and his lack of care or respect for you.

You do need to close the conversation down with DD.

As v texted dd to apologise I think it's her who suggested her and dh cut all contact someone must of text first and I think it's her and he obviously had no choice but to agree but is calling it a mutual agreement. She now has the yard owner doing her horse (for now anyway) and is giving her sob stories of how nobody likes. She has used everyone individually which is why they don't like her plus her horse has been known to kick so nobody wants to bring it in plus she has no insurance says she can't afford so if it hurt u u wouldn't get a penny compensation. So basically she has moved on doesn't need dh anymore so has decided to cut contact with him claiming she doesn't want to come between us pfft she knew weeks ago she was coming between us when he left

Does any of this matter? DH and V have continued this relationship despite it being the cause of the breakdown of your marriage. That tells you all you need to know.

Ask DD to either have nothing to do with V or not to discuss it with you.

You need to accept that you may never know the ins and outs of DH and V's 'friendship'.

You need to now focus on you and how you will move forward.

Right this has gone on for long enough he won't accept it was anything more than a friendship and is probably waiting for me to get bored and let him come home. I've let him twist things and have been unsure of my own judgement. I am not paranoid I do not stop him having friends. He was good friends with a at the yard never doubted him or felt suspicious. It is him and v who have caused this she calls him at work for 20 mins I get 5 mins iam working he searches on her name on facebook 20 times a day etc etc. So how do I move forward now ? I have printed out divorce papers can I do it myself and then maybe instruct a solicitor for the financial and child arrangements ? Or should I use a solicitor for all of it really want to keep costs down I don't think he will dispute the actual divorce as I will probably use his many other failings as grounds for unreasonable behaviour

Actually feel quite sad tonight think I've finally realised the hype of look at me coping on my own and the he said she said drama is over and so is my marriage he isn't going to come back a changed man sweep me off my feet and we live happily ever after. I know that isn't going to happen and I know I am making the right decision but I can't help feeling sad i wiki snap out of it iam sure