He's left hand holding needeed

[Alfiemoon1]

Ok so I posted before the thread about making a tit out of myself. Things have continued I get stressed and have a go every time she texts and start the whole argument over again he got naffed off last night and left. He's not come back yet. I am probably being paranoid I just can't help going into a rage every time she texts help. I have recently gone on the mini pill can that screw your head up I have never been a jealous person

No I am not Asian when I spat at him we can't be together as I am obviously the wrong skin colour he said he didn't care he likes them all. Ggggrrr

I can never trust him again twitter fairies ? Doesn't know what a web cast or sex chat is so never been on them it's there in black and white he directly to me no grey areas like in when whole v saga then gets angry and blames me I shouldn't be trying to catch him out if he got sex from me he wouldn't need this arghh he makes me sick

Perhaps if he had put his energies into your marriage instead of online shit and v then he wouldn't be living at his Mums. That needs to be your answer when he throws the blame your way.

Definitely dobby. He's twisting it so it's my fault I am just looking for any excuse for a row and to get rid of him

Really stuggling today I've had no sleep feel sick and keep heaving nothing is coming up I think it's stress I have to go to work and be all jolly and I just don't think I can but I have to I just want to curl up in bed and cry

Oh poor you, yes it's most likely the stress.

From the outside looking in it appears that you have been left to stew rather than deal with it. This isn't helping your stress levels.

I think you need to accept that you may not know all the absolute truth but you know enough, let it rest as best you can, only to be kind to yourself.

Do you know yet what you would like to do?

it's over it has to be I can never trust him again he causes me to be suspicious with his friendship with v I acted on it and then he lied directly to me probably knowing he had been caught out he then twisted it to my fault I could of got over the stuff with v but not this

So he's given me a half hearted apology for the way he handled last night says of course he's going to deny looking at porn and still denies the live sex chat sites I saw on his phone doesn't really matter I dont believe a word he says now anyway

Alfie you're doing really well. So well In fact that I'd say you've subconsciously ready for this break up for some time now even though you say you'd always hoped things would work out eventually.

l don't feel like iam doing well discovering the shit he's been up to yesterday I feel a mess and the lame apology that he still turned into being my fault hurt to be honest I feel back to where I was when he first left sick angry not able to face the world incase I blurt out what he's done

Alfie, whats so wrong with blurting it out?

I've spoken to my friend at work today and another has text me saying she knows something isn't right and she's here for me if i want to talk which was lovely. He is insisting he didn't do the live web sex chat could it be a pop up that came up because of the porn sites he was on ? What is everyone view on their dh watching porn ?

Having a bit of a down day a why has this happened to me why am I not good enough day. So give me a slap please and ignore my rant. I always put my face on before leaving the house yes I tend to wear leggings or joggers on my day off when cleaning walking the dog going to the yard if I am going into town it's skinny jeans etc I feel I dress to suit the occasion so he doesn't always see me glammed up. I am and have always been a skinny mini so it's not like I have gained 20 stone since I've had kids and become a totally different person although he has put on weight. Yes my hair is a mess but I never seem to take time out for myself to go to the hairdressers I am going to book myself in for a total restyle when I get paid I alway spend our money on the kids him or other stuff. I do dye it myself to cover my grey. I have spent all my time looking after everyone doing all the housework sorting finances that at times have been hard all he did was work and on his days off spend time with the kids so why was that not good enough for him why couldn't he chat to me like he did with v why did he feel the need to watch porn engage in live sex chats (if he has he denies that) he could of got more sex with me If he ever came to bed at the same time instead of sitting up drinking watching tv he knows I would be the one getting up early with the kids while he had a lie in. His excuse if he got any he wouldn't be watching porn stings a bit. I have given my all to our family and it just feels like it wasn't enough he still looked elsewhere chats with v and porn sigh

What is everyone view on their dh watching porn

Unacceptable. But then he, for all his faults, wouldn't have watched it either.

Alfie, your last post is a classic example of how he's eroded your confidence and is now getting you to take the blame for his behavior.

He didn't watch porn because he didn't get enough sex. He didn't do it because your hairs a mess. He did it because he's a twat.

Alfie, just to say that PP are right. It's not your fault, it's simply his. He'll always refuse to take responsibility so when you're ready, you call the shots. Not looking sfter yourself (ie hair, new clothes etc - not saying any of us are scruffs BTW!!!) is a standard thing from reading other threads- everyone else's needs come before our own. Be kind to yourself & make sure you do treat yourself to whatever you like on payday. You deserve it.

My views on my DH watching porn?
It would depend on the state of my marriage, if it's ticking along then I wouldn't have an issue with regular porn so long as it doesn't become too much of a habit or affect our relationship. However, live web chats I would have an issue with.

Your last post is all about finding fault within yourself - and you know you shouldn't. Do you think DH is sitting at his mums thinking of all the ways he is at fault?

Do treat yourself you deserve it, hold your head up, talk to RL friends - there is no shame in this.

Thanks ladies I was just feeling down in the dumps it had been a long busy day in work. The dog has had me up half the night for no reason so I am tired today so still feeling sorry for myself I am sure I will snap out of it soon. Since finding out about the porn I seem to be back at the beginning emotionally I have done the anger bit now I am doing the why me again in a few days I will be back to the I can do this I don't deserve this stage

I have no issue with my oh watching porn and he doesn't mind me watching either. The pop ups appear all the time when looking at non-chat sites, so he could easily be telling the truth about not using chat webcam sites. If the porn use, which for us is occasional and usually shared, interfered with our intimacy I would take a different view.

But I didn't know about him watching it and when I questioned him he lied to my face add on all the other shit that's gone on with v I don't think I can trust him again. I probably won't believe if he says he's not texting her as it can be deleted as can his browser.

He told me he would remove the likes on his twitter that is there for all the world to see but they are still there

Not heard from him and I haven't text since his pathetic excuse of an apology

I suppose I should contact tax credits I presume he will give his mum board or may well be looking for some where else to live we both get paid on Friday into a joint account. He hasn't taken money out unnecessary but if he finds somewhere to live he will need a deposit and rent in which case I will be left short for the bills

Perhaps try and find a solicitor who will offer a free session or CAB. I don't know much about tax credits or where you would stand if his money still goes into the joint account.

Had a storming row the twitter he never goes on knows nothing about is now what he uses for porn that's why it's all on his browser the live sex chats he's never been on is just the same as when his drunk mate sent me a dick pic apparently yet I never asked for the pic deleted it and told him about it. So the only porn is on twitter pfft so why is there loads of porn video on his facebook log it's one lie after another. And because he really wants to show how much he wants to work things out how he's going to be honest he's changed his facebook password. It's none of my business what he does on his phone that happens to be in my name lol. So unless I get over it let him back forget about it all he's going to take all of his wages when he gets paid and rent somewhere. This will leave me short he knows it but I guess his mum and mine will have to help me out they wouldn't let the kids starve