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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help - DH is driving me mad!

425 replies

Mummy2TandF · 11/02/2007 22:12

My Day so far:- Woke up at 6:30am with ds (2) and dd (13 weeks), fed washed and dressed them both, got myself dressed, done 5 loads of washing, drying and ironing, put all clothes away, emptied dishwasher, filled dishwasher, cleaned all windows (inside only), changed all ds's and dd's nappies and fed all dd's bottles to her, made lunch for dh, ds and me, tided ds's bedroom and our bedroom, swept and mopped living room and dining room floors and spring cleaned the kitchen, popped into the local hospital to see my best friend who had a baby yesterday, got back, made dinner for dh, ds and me, tidied it all away, bathed ds and dd and put them to bed, ran a bath for dh.
I have just gone downstairs to ask dh to wash up dd's bottles and then I would steralise and make them up and he said "if you hadn't been sitting on the computer all day, you could have done it yourself!" - I replied that I had been on Mumsnet for an hour and I thought I was entitled and he said - well you could have put a toilet brush round the toilet instead of sitting at the computer and he was serious!
Sorry for the rant but I had to let it out - am now going to get in the bath and try to calm down.

OP posts:
Debbsyandson · 25/02/2007 12:48

band of mothers yes i did get an apology a huge one and he has been making more of an effort,looking after ds more doing bottles etc.Mummy so sorry you feel like this maybe you should cry infront of dh and tell him you have ahd enough,you have only just had a baby and you dont stop all day ,and imho he is being v v selfish,email me if you want to talk hun (((((((hugs)))))) oh well!! regarding the car theae things do happen,thankfully no one was hurt. xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

BandofMothers · 25/02/2007 21:37

Good, I should bloody well think so too.
Mummy2, let us know how yourlist looks.

Original poster
Mummy2TandF · 26/02/2007 00:22

Hi All - well we had the mother of all rows this morning over nothing again - it was more dh shouting and hollering than a row at first but I ended up shouting back and said that I really did want him to leave becase I wasn't prepared to keep putting up with this volatile temper and abusive language. He screamed back at me that it was my fault and at least when he is wrong he admits it and that I just need to admit that I wind him up - he said that he had had enough and wanted a divorce - he was shouting so much and coming right up to my face that I picked up the car keys (still with my slippers on) and opened the front door - he followed me and leant against it so I couldn't get out and went on about how dare I walk away from him , I did go a bit overboard on him actually and said that it was not my problem but his, why else did all his other relationships break up because of his temper? I think that hit a nerve because he went into the kitchen and got the tablets, he said that if I wanted him to take the tablets he would take the fing things and then emptied the whole bottle all over the floor but then he went into the garden and came in calm .... as usual the day carried on as if nothing had happened. Enough of that here is my list:- DH - Up at 7:30am with ds, Came food shopping with me, Made a cup of tea, changed ds's nappy, put ds to bed.
Me:- Up at 8:00am with dd, got ds washed and dressed, got dd washed and dressed, made ds's breakfast, emptied dishwasher, loaded dishwasher, put a load of washing on, drove to supermarket to do food shopping, unloaded and packed away the shopping, emptied diswaher again, put washing in the tumble, swept the living room floor, swept kitchen floor, gave dd 5 bottles, changed 10 nappies in total, Put another load of washing on and put it in the tumble, sorted both loads of washing, made dinner, cleared up after dinner, bathed ds and got him ready for bed, bathed dd and got her ready for bed, put dd to bed.
We will have to see how tomorrow pans out but I am now desperatly trying to find a cheap dictaphone as he really has no idea what he says when he loses it and he would be shocked to hear it (I have just watched angry britain on the tv and they were shocked into action when they heard or saw themselves when angry) - Anyway, I am off to bed now - Take Care

OP posts:
HansieMom · 26/02/2007 03:20

You win by several lengths!

Hmmm. I don't see anywhere where it mentions who picked up the medication he threw all over the floor.

Good for you for shouting back at him! It bothered me when you said how he will follow you around shouting in your face. I think you should turn around and face him and tell him he WILL NOT yell in your face!

BandofMothers · 26/02/2007 07:38

Good for you. Next time he says how dare you walk away from me, say"Well how dare you shout in my face, do you like it?" In order to add the 'do you like it?' tho, you have to shout it at full volume so close to his face that your nose is almost touching his and he can see the fury in your eyes.
Bet it surprised him when you shouted back. Keep it up, he will/might realise you're not just going to sit back and take it now.

Told you your list would be a lot longer.

wartywarthog · 26/02/2007 08:45

here's the cheapest on amazon.

Original poster
Mummy2TandF · 26/02/2007 10:31

Warty - thanks for that I can't really afford even that at the moment though [sad Sad state of affairs isn't it

OP posts:
Crotchety · 26/02/2007 10:35

Just a thought but have you got a camera or phone that takes bits of video - that would record sound probably. Or you might have a video camera that you could leave running just for the audio?

BandofMothers · 26/02/2007 10:35

Hi mummy 2

BandofMothers · 26/02/2007 10:43

Mummy 2. I have a mini tape recorder. I have just tested it and it works. If you email me your address I will mail it to you today.
It will record him shouting no probs, it has a tape in etc.
Are you still there?

Original poster
Mummy2TandF · 26/02/2007 10:45

Crotechy - thanks I have already tried that but there are way too many buttons to press and menus to go into - it's very difficult to record him without him knowing this way - also the sound wasn't that good -i had to put it right up to his face (I tried it while he was asleep to record his snoring, just to test how good it would be)

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummy2TandF · 26/02/2007 10:45

bandofmothers - that is really kind of you how much do you want for it?

OP posts:
BandofMothers · 26/02/2007 10:46

Nothing. You can have it. It cost me a couple of dollars when I was in the states.

wartywarthog · 26/02/2007 10:47

this is the cheapest i can find. alternatively could you borrow one?

wartywarthog · 26/02/2007 10:48

sorry - didn't see bom fantastic offer!

BandofMothers · 26/02/2007 10:48

Warty, it's pretty much the same as the one you linked to

Original poster
Mummy2TandF · 26/02/2007 10:49

Thanks warty
Bandofmothers - are you sure At least let me know how much postage would be

OP posts:
BandofMothers · 26/02/2007 10:54

It's fine. I never use it. It has been stuck in a box since I moved 2 houses ago. I would be glad to give it to you if it will help you.
It has a long tape so if you feel him brewing you can start it and see if he kicks off.
It sounds pretty clear when it plays back so he shouldn't be able to say it's not clear!!!

Original poster
Mummy2TandF · 26/02/2007 11:21

Thanks - I have just tried to CAT you but would you believe my subscription ran out on 25th Jan! Just my luck, I have to pop out now to try to sort out the repairs for the car but will be back later

OP posts:
wartywarthog · 26/02/2007 11:22

i'm glad you've decided to do this m2tf. it might shock him into doing something about it.

you don't feel that he'll get physical do you?

BandofMothers · 26/02/2007 11:23

Don't know how to do the CAT thing.
Do you have MSN?

Original poster
Mummy2TandF · 26/02/2007 11:25

Warty - I think I have said before that I really don't think he would ever hit me, he has had 11 years to do it if he was going to .... yesterday was the closest he has ever come to it as he was right up in my face and when I tried to leave the house it really wound him up - but no I don't think I am in physical danger, thank you for caring. (The house is another matter, that is quite possibly in physical danger)

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummy2TandF · 26/02/2007 11:26

Yes I do have MSN but am not too sure how to use it- what do I have to do?

OP posts:
Helennn · 26/02/2007 11:31

Just wanted to say, (haven't posted before but lurk), my husband had a nasty rant at me one night and then couldn't remember it at all the next morning, so you are not alone!!!

Just wanted to make sure you don't end up in a similar situation to a friend of mine. She managed to get her husband to leave after putting up with a similar situation to yours for years - although she didn't realise quite how bad it was until after he had left. Whilst together she was not allowed to open any post, it was only after he left that she realised why. She had always given him money out of her earnings to help pay the bills - but he never actually paid them, so she now finds herself having to pay off debts she didn't know she had. She also was not allowed to close their joint current account, (as it needed both signatures), and he carried on using it to pay his bills, but the bank don't know his address so my friend has to pay this off too!!! She also says now she is glad she didn't know what he was going to be like when she got rid of him, but she is so glad that she did.

I'm sure many people here feel very angry at your husband but don't know what to say for the best - no woman deserves to be treated like this in the year 2007!!

BandofMothers · 26/02/2007 12:10

I will set up a new email acc, as my other one has my real name on. Then you put my email add into MSN instant messenger and it will let you send a message. I allow it and voila. Or you can email me and i'll reply, but msn is more fun.and quicker.
I have to go out now, and you've probably gone now too. I will do this later and keep checking in, and tonight. If you don't reply tonight I'll check tomorrow morning, but I have to leave at 11:30 tomorrow to take dd1 to playschool.
Hope we can sort it before then, and I can get it on it's way to you tomorrow at the latest.