Advice on leaving your wife (Mr popular is here!)

[jamie000]

I know this will not make me popular but I have a very odd request, which is for advice on how someone in a relationship would prefer it to end. My DW and I have been on a rocky road for at least 2 years. We have had counselling but that made things worse as we began to realise we wanted different things. But we do have a very strong bond and we're pretty good parents to one DD so we've stuck things out. In between bad times we have had great times too as we've both made an effort to make things work, but now I feel we're at another crossroads. Our DD is leaving school. To be clear, she is my step-D and I have been a good step dad. The problem is my DW is older than me (48) and although this wasn't an issue 10 years ago it sadly is now. She talks about retirement, menopause, and things that I didn't expect to have to deal with for many years. I've come to think that actually I may want kids of my own, I'm not that old, my peers are still getting married and starting families and I seem to have aged prematurely. I feel like I should be thinking about kids and the future (my career is still growing) but my life is with someone who is planning retirement and slowing down at work. On top of that she has been very critical of me of late: too much work, not enough time at home, etc. Once a week (mid week) I go to the pub and stay untill about 10. I think that is reasonable but she is lonely and wishes I took her out more. But when we do go out I really don't think we have that much in common any more (it used to be DD that drew us together) and it pains me, as she is dear to me. Basically I think I love her but not in love with her. We have spoken about splitting up before but we've decided to 1) give it another go and 2) we shouldn't do that while DD is doing gcses. I want to go but I don't know if that is just an escape route instead on knuckling down, or if I just need to put more effort in, as she would probably say. Also, I wonder if I am going through my own kind of mid-life blip as I keep thinking about 30 something women and having kids etc... which was never on my radar 5 years ago. I'm confused. I need a slap in the face and some thought provoking comments.

Yes, I thought that too Mistressiggi

I did wonder whether OP came on here giving a sob story about wanting children so that he could target single mother's who are ripe for an affair.

I also wonder whether his wife or any of her friends reads the Daily Fail. #awkward!

Probably not telephone numbers.

Almost certainly handmaidens saying things like 'can't believe some of the disgusting comments, you sound like a lovely guy x'

Well, either a Daily Fall journo pulled a blinder on us, or OP has got exactly what he deserved.

Well he did ask if he needed a slapped face

Well, it's nice to see you kept talking about me ;)
No, I'm not a journo, and if I was it wouldn't be Daily Hatemail.
I did tell her I wanted to leave. There was much shouting and crying and in the end she packed her bags (I didn't expect that) but didn't make it out the door. Then she confessed that she's been depressed and a whole can, no, oil drum of worms poured out. I told her I was sorry and would help her get better. I am now looking after a depressed person and have told her I'm not going anywhere - how could I leave someone in this state? Anyway, it's partly my fault as I haven't picked up on these sings of depression and just taken it as nagging or bad temper. Sadly though, I my heart isn't in this relationship any more. I aim to help her back on her feet, then work out how bugger off (I can't be arsed trying to make it sound reasonable). And on that final comment I leave you to your popcorn while the feminazis (who probably secretly want me ;) x ) to tear into me... bye!

I wish you had carried on and finished it. I can't think of any thing more damaging to self esteem than someone staying out of duty, you are prolonging the pain. Grow some balls and set her free.

Why delay the inevitable? It's too simplistic for your wife to suddenly claim depression...probably in the hope of you agreeing to stay.....and it's worked. Has the depression been diagnosed? Is she having treatment? Man up, tell her that you will be ending the marriage at some point regardless. Then try to help her understand that she would be far better off accepting this now, whilst she is at an age to forge a new life.

Really interesting thread.
Such a shame OP is ignoring the only advice that everyone agreed on. Be kind and HONEST. Just leave. Depressed or not hanging around will do no go. Rip the plaster off and go. Maybe people will think badly off you but there you go. In the long run it is the kinder, more honest action.

Do you realize that you are creating even more dependency on you? And that you've made promises that you have no intention of keeping? Do you understand the damage that you are doing?

It would be much kinder to help her find the counseling and support she needs and make your exit now, kindly and honestly.

Tosser. That is all.

Oh yes! What a catch!

How soon can I give you a bj?

For the OP - here is a thread where lots of women were unhappy in their relationships and have decided to leave. Its not just men who get unhappy in relationships. Thread in Relationships

this guy !

What a tedious, predictable bell-end!

Jamie, I thought you got a hard time on here before, but your last post makes you sound like a complete bell end. Do her a favour and leave now, I would have thought someone who is depressed is unlikely to get better when they realise their husband is only hanging about due to sympathy.

Methinks you are well and truly shafted Jamie me old sucker, never underestimate the female psyche.My take on it is you have shown her your true twattish colours and she is now regrouping and whilst "depressed" will be secretly planning on kicking your weak arse right out the door. Couldnt happen to a nicer bloke. He he.

Interesting. So, after telling your OH that you want to leave, if a woman tells you the real reason things have been so shit for so long isn't becasue you've grown apart / fallen out of love, but actually a mental health problem, what the bloke is supposed to do (according to what I assume are feminist commentators here) is ignore that and tell her its over, like a right geezer, shush woman i'm leavin ya? And that will not result in the guy being a bell end but someone with balls / will gain respect? Very interesting insight to the female psyche, thanks :( . I have completely got this wrong it seems! I will post back at some point with news. For the 0.1 % who do have some sympathy, I don't really know what I want anymore, I only know what I read somewhere (maybe here?) that women fake orgasms and men fake relationships. Maybe its true and actually I'm not capable of falling in love, only being happy being useful, and while I wasn't that useful I was wanting to go. Dunno. Maybe I'm just a bell end and need to tell the bitch I'm leavin, sit back, and let all the daft women who find total bell ends irresistible send me messages. Speaking of which, feminazi, I accept the kind offer just as long as you promise to take your false teeth out first.

For the 0.1 % who do have some sympathy

I did have ... not anymore since your updates. Here have a punch from me

Yes, yes, Jamie, whatever you say lovely.

in an age gap relation there will be always 'if'.
now you came to an age you want your own children you want out, people can change.
your dw needs to go to gp for her depression and you stop faking.
good luck to you both.

scottishdiem Thanks for the link. After reading through it it struck me how very similar some of the situations of these women were to my own and how some people wait years to take the plunge after lots of confusing thoughts about their relationships.
It also struck me how supportive they were to one another lol... so to all the cock haters, have a think about how happy you are in your own relationships before you judge me.

if a woman tells you the real reason things have been so shit for so long isn't becasue you've grown apart / fallen out of love, but actually a mental health problem

You've already admitted that you HAVE fallen out of love! Don't start pretending now that you're going to genuinely give things another go, because you've quite clearly said you're not.

Look, if she really is depressed, she needs professional help. If you hang around until you think she is sufficiently "better" and then fuck off anyway, leaving her to realise you were deceiving her all along, you will undo all that help. Can you really not see that?

"SmashingInAthleticWear
You've already admitted that you HAVE fallen out of love! Don't start pretending now that you're going to genuinely give things another go, because you've quite clearly said you're not."

When someone says on a forum that they've fallen out of love with a woman who doesn't seem to be that in love with them (comfortable, slippers, x factor, retirement plans maybe) and tries to talk through why this may be, and if it's really the case, and what it is that's bugging them, and what their doubts about their own feelings are, the answers on MN are very predicable:
Female? - aghhhh, have a tissue, maybe counselling would help deary
Male? - what a bell end, man up and tell her you're leaving
What a bunch of cock munching psychos. No more posts from me and I won't be checking what utter nasty schoolgirl bullying shite you all (95%) post. Thank you to the 5 %, you've been great :)

Entirely ignoring my point... dunno why I bothered