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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Advice on leaving your wife (Mr popular is here!)

528 replies

jamie000 · 02/11/2016 10:55

I know this will not make me popular but I have a very odd request, which is for advice on how someone in a relationship would prefer it to end. My DW and I have been on a rocky road for at least 2 years. We have had counselling but that made things worse as we began to realise we wanted different things. But we do have a very strong bond and we're pretty good parents to one DD so we've stuck things out. In between bad times we have had great times too as we've both made an effort to make things work, but now I feel we're at another crossroads. Our DD is leaving school. To be clear, she is my step-D and I have been a good step dad. The problem is my DW is older than me (48) and although this wasn't an issue 10 years ago it sadly is now. She talks about retirement, menopause, and things that I didn't expect to have to deal with for many years. I've come to think that actually I may want kids of my own, I'm not that old, my peers are still getting married and starting families and I seem to have aged prematurely. I feel like I should be thinking about kids and the future (my career is still growing) but my life is with someone who is planning retirement and slowing down at work. On top of that she has been very critical of me of late: too much work, not enough time at home, etc. Once a week (mid week) I go to the pub and stay untill about 10. I think that is reasonable but she is lonely and wishes I took her out more. But when we do go out I really don't think we have that much in common any more (it used to be DD that drew us together) and it pains me, as she is dear to me. Basically I think I love her but not in love with her. We have spoken about splitting up before but we've decided to 1) give it another go and 2) we shouldn't do that while DD is doing gcses. I want to go but I don't know if that is just an escape route instead on knuckling down, or if I just need to put more effort in, as she would probably say. Also, I wonder if I am going through my own kind of mid-life blip as I keep thinking about 30 something women and having kids etc... which was never on my radar 5 years ago. I'm confused. I need a slap in the face and some thought provoking comments.

OP posts:
VanillaSugarCandyCanes · 03/11/2016 21:06

Jonathan James...... that might mean something to someone.

VanillaSugarCandyCanes · 03/11/2016 21:07

He asked me to pull his little finger and then he farted. Oh god, it's all coming back to me now HmmConfused- - ShockShock😕😨😭

PortiaCastis · 03/11/2016 21:12

Grin Jonny fartpants

Missyaggravation · 03/11/2016 21:20

I love this thread, so cathartic, so much venting at the numpty Grin

Missyaggravation · 03/11/2016 21:24

You are a piranha and I am not going to answer your toothy drivel should go down in mn history Grin it's Deffo on a par with tiny wanker

JessShouldHaveBeenAPiranha · 03/11/2016 21:26

missy

Thank you! That comment was aimed at me (proud).

Missyaggravation · 03/11/2016 21:31

This thread is quote pertinent actually, I was with a guy 18 years older than me, left him cos he was a twat, not because of his age. now with guy 5 years younger who seems to think I'm ancient, wee twat not entirely sure how to feel about that.

Datun · 03/11/2016 21:37

It's in the same ball park as 'why should I fuck you just because your penis is sad'. Another mn gem.

VanillaSugarCandyCanes · 03/11/2016 22:09

Jenny Eclair is over 50 and she awesome!

CockacidalManiac · 03/11/2016 22:42

I'm a bloke; Jamie, mate, you're an embarrassment. Met so many like you, and I particularly liked the reverse ferret about your secretary, who now seems to have disappeared from the narrative. I can just picture you both, moaning about your respective partners while you fantasise about the possibilities if only you left your wife.
Man up, stop casting yourself as a tragic hero. Do what you have to do, but I especially pity your step daughter.

CockacidalManiac · 03/11/2016 22:44

Sorry to introduce the ferret, when we're already awash with piranhas, ducks and geese.

JessShouldHaveBeenAPiranha · 03/11/2016 22:50

Yaay to cock!

(I often find myself saying that these days......) Grin

Dozer · 03/11/2016 22:59

A friend had a wanker boss called Jonathan James!

PortiaCastis · 03/11/2016 23:02

Gerbils are apparently useful nibbly little creatures

Sunshineonacloudyday · 03/11/2016 23:08

Daily mail I wouldn't be surprised.

TrippyMcTrapFace · 03/11/2016 23:15

Most GFs usually give up after a few posts, tenacious little fucker this one, isn't it.

VanillaSugarCandyCanes · 03/11/2016 23:35
Grin
Sunshineonacloudyday · 04/11/2016 00:08

I think this whole thread was intentional to wind people up. Why would a man go to a woman's forum and spout that shit. It's a very controversial thread to start up. I think he knew exactly what he was doing.

PortiaCastis · 04/11/2016 00:18

Of course he did, that's why I said I know when I'm reading shite.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 04/11/2016 00:27

Vanilla asking Jamie several times "why you didn't have a child with your wife" is making me laugh so much
Vanilla , you are a legend

PortiaCastis · 04/11/2016 00:38
. From the piranhas
ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 04/11/2016 00:42

Jamie
Piranhas? Tsk tsk. How do you not know that the correct expression is "nest of vipers"?!

I have no respect for you.

MiniZing & I went to feed the ducks yesterdays. The seagulls were the best, we ended up chucking the bread upwards, because they worked so hard to catch it mid-air. It was a glorious sight.

ummizoomi · 04/11/2016 00:43

Read most of the thread and got bored by the trolls.

OP you just need to be honest with ur wife and tell her you are leaving. If u care for her, then you owe her the chance to find someone else. The older you both get, the harder it will be to start again.

Just don't let this fester and relations will just get worse as each day goes by. You will end up resenting her and frankly, she's going to resent u too for wasting her time.

You were great for each other once. That time is over. Maybe you both need to find the right person to go through to the next stage in life.

Good luck.

Let us know if you have the balls to do what's right for everyone in a decent way.

VanillaSugarCandyCanes · 04/11/2016 07:57

curtsies to zing

VanillaSugarCandyCanes · 04/11/2016 07:58

🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍