I really don't want my son anymore.

[LockwoodJ]

How do I fix this? I don't want him.

Ok. I think SOCIAL SERVICES needs to be called in NOW!
Your boy and you need a lot of help. I'm sure you're all struggling and can't cope.

Maybe call SS yourself and explain your situation. Tell them you're not coping and they need to step in ASAP.

But it is possible if the OP cannot handle her son anymore. He is being physically violent to her and won't cooperate with any support that's being offered. Why should the OP have to accept being assaulted?

Some disgusting comments on here from parents who have clearly - thankfully - never been in the same situation where they genuinely feel that they can't cope.
Fucking horrendously judgemental.

Lockwood, so sorry this has happened to you. Do you think it probably has something to do with your dh being ill and away from home? Has your son seen any violent behaviour from you or your dh? He really needs your support now however difficult it is

OP have social services been involved? Can you make some phone calls today and see who can come and help you? I know you must be completely broken down but you need to keep fighting to get some support for you both.

I think this is outrageous behaviour of some posters to be encouraging this poster to abandon her 12 yr old son at school. You need to support him, help him as well making sure you seek all available support for yourself too, enabling you to better deal with this situation. Its hard for you to accept but he needs you. You're all he has.

What SS involvement has there been so far OP?

He must be on their radar at least administratively after the early hours police incident.

It sounds to me like the relationship/family situation has broken down to the point of no return at this time. With the right input that could change in the future. OP I have a daughter with autism who loses it and attacks me at least twice a week. She's ten so I can till restrain her but there are times when I could cheerily dump her out on the street with her stuff, it doesn't last long though.

Has he been assessed for additional needs. I had a friend who behaved like this and was later diagnosed with adult ADHD but in the meantime her life was destroyed beyond recognition and has only recently started to recover. The thing is that it's piling up and piling up of events to this unstable situation that no one can move on from because there nothing stable there iyswim? Personal relationships in tatters, nothing to work with. I think putting him into care may be your only option now as sad as that is. You're not selfish or a bad parent, you've just got nothing left to give. It's not your fault but it's not his either - he's 12.

Do you think you'll calm down and be able to deal with him later today?

Call social services. Ask about your son being accommodated under section 20. Make sure you leave them in no doubt that you cannot cope and you will not pick your son up.

I think it's best if the members of the wonderful mothers mutual appreciation society upthread go elsewhere to applaud themselves because it certainly won't help Lockwood now. Neither will the "omg you can't abandon your baby" claptrap others are posting.

I think I'll have to say that to school then. I'm sure he is being a pain in the arse, but they have the proper techniques to restrain him and he's only small. I really can't have him.

What are his "reasons" for his behaviour towards you; as in what does he throw at you when he's being nasty? I'd get a sheet of paper with three columns: write down his "reasons" in one column, try and rationalise them in another (what could he mean by this) and the action that you can take to tackle it in the third.
Is there anyone in the family or family friend and that he looks up to?

That could backfire on you as you could be accused of abandoning your child. You need to ask the school if they will refer to SS urgently as you do not want him back in the house. What will they do at the end of the day? Will he just be let out of school? Will he come home anyway? Do you have other children at home who are being affected by his violence? You need to start this dialogue right now but it ma take time and SS would probably rather support you in keeping him at home rather than putting him into a care situation. If he is violent then FC is probably out of the question and residential places are hard to source and expensive.

Iwanna that's really very unhelpful and I'll informed. Sometimes 'being there' and being supportive in the best way means a bit of distance and professional help.

AliceInUnderpants I know, it's disgusting. Almost like they take pleasure in sneering "suck it up honey welcome to parenting!"
Nobody should fear for their life, even if it's their own child doing it. It's not selfish to be sick and tired of it.

First off this seems a little odd. Very much a drip feed, so it's hard for others to follow or understand what is going on so you are going to get very mixed responses as everyone is filling in the vast blanks for themselves.
Your DH has left home because he is ill and cannot be around due to your (assuming) joint child's violent outbursts because he's not safe, but can be called and save you from harm... ehh Sorry that lost me.

But, call social services, the police, your GP... anyone... And tell them that you can't take care of him with his current behaviour. He is too much of a risk to you (you have proof with the broken bone) and so much of a risk that your poor DH has had to leave the family home. Don't call your DH when your son is threatening you, it's not safe for him! I really don't get that bit! Call the police, 999 every time.
What did you DH do when he restrained him? How did that rectify that event?
If social services refuse to get involved which seems hit and miss depending on who you talk to then next time he starts up call the police straight away. Get them to take him. They need to keep you (and him) safe, which together you aren't.

It's easy for everyone to say it's your fault, you should do this, give him a hug etc etc. But if you cannot help him then things won't magically get better. He needs someone experienced to help him, he can't get that at home and he can't get that when he constantly runs away. He needs to spend sometime in a home or something that can offer him the care he needs, and you need some counselling and help to deal with this yourself. Hopefully in the future you can rebuild your relationship and he can return home.

Is this a result of him lashing out because of his dads illness? He is 12. If you don't do something to help him now, what does the rest of his life hold for him... By helping him, I don't mean sitting talking to him, laying down the law at home. I mean professional help, its clear that he needs this urgently. I don't live in UK, but surely there is help available via social services etc. I think the first thing would be to stop him seeing the crowd that he is hanging out with if they are such a bad influence.

You've had a few utterly cuntish responses so far op. You wouldn't accept this treatment off a partner so why should you have to grin and bear it from an adolescent? Yeah he needs help. So do you and anyone else who lives in the house with him. What will happen if you refuse to collect him op? I guess social services will get involved?

That could backfire on you as you could be accused of abandoning your child

What on earth?

She's at breaking point. The son is in free fall. The family is in crisis. What are you talking about?

How do you expect me to stop him from seeing them? That's exactly what I've been trying to do. All he wants is to be around them and they're 'amazing parents' who offer him alcohol and cigarettes. Yet he seems to think they're the best parents in the world.

If I refuse to collect him, they leave him in isolation, unless he's being violent (police get called) and then they just let him out at 3:10 to get school bus home.

I know he seems grown up and is talking and acting in a way that a (bad) grown up would but he is a child and it's something to remember when he's standing there being abusive.
It's scary because he's much older but I would see this as a stage like the toddler trantrums between 2 and 4. Don't bite to him, it's the reaction that he wants and it's so so easy to give it to him.
When he's with his "friends", who is funding his time when he is out?

I really feel for you OP. Must be awful to be afraid of your own son and in your own home.
As he is in isolation at school, and clearly not running away from that, would the school be able to get a counsellor in to speak to him? Something needs to be done, and now while he is still relatively young.
He may be acting the way he is due to your dh (his dad I take it?) being ill and not at home, so he is frightened. Its prob not helped he has got in with a certain crowd.
I would phone school as ask if they can sort out someone coming to talk to him, and then go from there. If they can't do that, though I can't see why not, then I would phone your gp and speak to them and see what they suggest. I don't know if phoning your council would help.
Good luck OP, and I hope you get some much needed help soon, for both you and your son.

Please call SS!

Make some calls now.

School. Social services. NSPCC helpline.

Make someone understand that this is crisis point and your family urgently needs help.

In my very limited experience, when a DC was left at the school by his parents due to very similar issues, a social worker was called to collect them. I think the SW then phoned round all members of the immediate family, to see if anyone could take the teen in for the night, when that proved fruitless they were then sent to a foster carer for a couple of days.

Maybe that's what needs to happen? I do know that if a family member offers to take him in, SS won't see the case as a priority, as the child is deemed safe. I'm happy to be corrected if I'm wrong, that's just personal experience.