I really don't want my son anymore.

[LockwoodJ]

How do I fix this? I don't want him.

They do let him out, they have done before. The KS3 Pastoral leader is really nice, I often have long conversations with her, so I'll phone her in a second and say that SS need to sort something out today. Although she knows I'm at the end of my tether.

Yes, he might just be a child but he is dangerous.

Good luck with social services. Do you have other children? IT might help strengthen your point.

Make it clear that you can't have him back in your home. As your partner to move back in with you so you have support too.

This is a terrible time for everybody but one of my favourite saying is

If you do what you've always done you'll have what you've always had.

If he comes home again the cycle continues and I don't think you can do that. You all need help, especially your son.

Big hugs.

OP I'm sorry you've had a rough time on here from (thankfully) a minority of posters.
Until you've been attacked in your own home it is impossible to know how you would react. A broken cheek is not a minor act, it's a considerable assault. You need support and help, to feel safe in your own home and in turn to support your son to change his behaviour and whatever problems he is facing.
You need to be supported first, it's not as simple as bringing him home because you are at risk of serious harm. SS will act if you contact them, they'll have to. He cannot be allowed to attack his mother in this way, it's not healthy for you or for him for things to continue as they are. Call the school when you feel strong enough, ask for SS to be involved and take the path which will keep you safe and also guide your son to see how wrong his behaviour is.

I don't think it's because DH is ill. He has to have a carer to his house (his house has special equipment) and I seriously don't think it's this. I call him because police literally don't come as quick as people may think and he often gets there faster.

I have a younger son but he isn't at risk, thank god.

olddodderer have you read the thread? The father is unwell. I'm sure a broken cheekbone is easy to put aside..

They do let him out, they have done before. The KS3 Pastoral leader is really nice, I often have long conversations with her, so I'll phone her in a second and say that SS need to sort something out today. Although she knows I'm at the end of my tether.

She sounds good. I'm glad you have her as a contact.

Yes, he might just be a child but he is dangerous.

Yes but still a child. His brain isn't fully formed. He isn't fully responsible for his behaviour like an adult would be. Things can improve with the right help.

Get your respite first but don't give up hope

I really feel for you OP. When I was growing up my brother (who has SN) was exceptionally challenging and could be violent, and I remember one night my Dad saying he couldn't take it anymore and wanted SS to take him. This was following months and months of 'challenging' behaviour and many failed interventions. All the 'holier than thou' comments from parents saying they could never reach that point have probably never had to live through this reality and don't realise how physically, emotionally and mentally draining it all is when it has been going on for months / years and it feels like you've tried every other option. I think you need to call the school / social services and say you can't cope any more and you need urgent respite care for your son whilst you take some time to consider what to do next.

Olddodder that's a bit harsh. OP has come here for advice now. She doesn't need to be told off.

Why do you believe your younger child is not at risk? If he is witnessing hostile and violent behaviour in his home then he is being affected emotionally if not physically.

Do the SS have a number ?

You need help now!

OldDodderer, seriously? She can't just push her feelings and needs to one side ffs. She's at the end of her tether and probably needs help just as much as the son. Why bother with negative comments? Surely if you can't say anything to try and help then just don't say anything!

OP, I agree with those suggesting you communicate with the school. They can access CAMHS and SS on your behalf. In fact, they should have something written in their safe-guarding policy? I presume they are already aware of his behaviour at home? If not, they should be. Do you have a teacher or head of year you could meet with to ask for some help/intervention? I know that they will have access to support that can actually come in to the school and either see you or your son together/separately. But sometimes, you do have to ask them for help. They need to know everything in order for them to help you both. If you don't want to call them, could you send an email instead? I know it's heart-wrenching, and deep down you're probably grieving for the son you've lost. With intervention and the right support at the right time, you have a hope of him coming back to you. 💐

oldDodderer that was as useful as a chocolate teapot

Issues should be raised with the local MP if children of such age go in the night on their own, drink alcohol etc. I would move from such area if I could.

Last year my DS was bullied by his friend. At home he became snappy, irritable, angry, bulky to his younger brother. Then one day he told us everything. He isn't a friend with this boy anymore who still behaves like nothing has happened but my DS has changed for better. At that time I often felt like crying as I couldn't understand why my child was being so mean. Now, he is a happy child and has good friends.

If I had parented him from the beginning he wouldn't be like this? Fuck off. He was the smartest, sweetest, most well behaved child up until the first term into secondary, so you can't exactly say that. You're treating my son like he's the victim. He wanted to get in with the wrong people. His dad is actually waiting a transplant, so fuck off with that comment as well.

I really feel for you OP. I'm fortunate not to have been in this position but through my job see the results of this happening in families all too often.
I really don't know what to suggest-often when children such as your son are in the care of Social Services they go on to have much worse outcomes than if they can remain with family-but equally I understand you saying that you can't have him with you at home.
Is there another male relative who would be on side with you, an uncle maybe-who might be able to help? I'm apologising to single mums of boys before I say it, but sometimes boys need a strong male influence in their life, and if your dh is ill, unfortunately he's unable to be that strong influence for now.
I've often said that as a parent of teens, your worst enemy can be other parents, the ones your teen sees as "cool", but as you and I know are far from cool...

Phone SS and ask them what your options are, I'm sure you do have options, you shouldn't feel guilty that you can longer cope, maybe putting him into care is a option or looking at a residential school for children with behavioural problems ?

Lockwood, please try to disregard Olds post. Rather focus on what you need to get done today.

I wish you all the best.

Lockwood, no real advice, but I have a violent 11 yr old, he has ASD/PDA.
You have some really good advice on this thread (alongside some downright crap advice!), I hope you can get something sorted.
Just wanted to say that you're not crap, and there are others going through very similar

I'm so sorry op

When you say your younger child isn't at risk, how is it? Do they live with you?

I get you OP. You are done. I don't blame you and I don't think you are a bad mother for wanting to run away. Your son needs help and for whatever reason you are the enemy right now and you are not the right person to help him.
Some respite from your son may help the situation. He is going to grow bigger and stronger as he gets older so he needs help now. My sons are 6ft boys and I dread to think what damage they could do to me if they ever hit me. You do not need to put up with beatings and no decent person would expect you to live in fear in your own home.
Please do call social services for help and don't let them fob you off. If you break no one else will help your son. He needs you to fight for him to get help and right now that has to be away from home. Your son leaving now does not have to mean that he wont come back.
I have been in care myself but if I was living in fear of beatings I wouldn't hesitate in removing my sons from the house. I have lived in fear and with beatings for too long. It is ok to say enough and it is ok to walk away and get some peace. I would never judge you for it.

*how is that

Big hugs. Lucky for some that they've never been at the end of their tether and need a break and some help. I have two children with severe autism. It's exhausting. I'm broken by it and I love them dearly but at the end of some days I could run away so I completely understand op and my children at the moment don't hit me.

Lean hard on the School and speak to ss. I know your exhausted but you need to make as much noise as possible as it's the only way some services listen.