Need a bit of cheerleading to help me prep for upcoming encounter with OW

[StreetFighter]

DH had a brief affair eight months ago. We're working on reconciliation.

I have only come into contact with OW once since discovering DH's affair, and I kept a dignified silence, but this week I'll see her again at an event the DC are involved in.

She won't be expecting to see me, so in that sense I have the upper hand, but I'm dreading it to be truthful. While I've definitely indulged in fantasies of burning down her fucking house a vengeful nature, in reality the thought of any sort of confrontation horrifies me. Hopefully there won't be anything of the sort, and I can just blank her, but I'd really appreciate some advice on how to cope with it (what shall I wear?!) and general handholding and cheerleading, if anyone feels able.

No, no-one knows that I know of (she may have told some people).

If it were me I would prefer my OH not to be there to be honest... Or maybe turn up briefly just to collect me with nary a glance in anyone else's direction.

Yeah, I think I'd feel really uncomfortable with DH there. Erring towards him picking up up, I think.

I'd possibly get him to stay at home but get him to pick you up like you said. You won't be able to relax and chat to other people if you feel like you need to keep checking where they both are constantly.

Ok, so DH does pick-up, I look casual-yet-coiffed, I work the room, I say "No" to her. Is that it covered?

I'd agree with the posters who say to just say no if she speaks to you, or just cut her off if she starts to speak and say 'excuse me' and walk away purposefully as if u have to be somewhere. Don't bother with saying you like her shoes or any of that, it send mixed messages (and what u need here is a sort of 'f* off, but I'm far too classy to actually say it to you'!).
Lots of luck, OP

Good point Dear, it would be more stressful to keep a mental map of two people.

OP have you any friends going with whom you can share your need for support? You don't have to go into specifics with them; maybe you could say that you've been feeling a bit low lately and need a pick-me-up?

Possibly greeting ex-OW by the wrong name.

Oooooh! Nice touch!

I meant the compliment about shoes etc to be used as a fall-back in case the OP is in a group and doesn't want to draw attention to any drama about what's happened - something to keep in her back pocket if necessary.

Yes, I really want to tell her to fuck off, but in a very British way, using subtle body language.

Why do you care what she thinks of you? The affair is over, it was your so called dh that cheated on you, not her.

You don't hang on to him - he gazes at you. Big difference! You are the prize, he's the luckiest man alive, and it shows

^THIS^^^

You have taken him back and allowed him a second chance - don't let either of them forget it!

You see I think telling someone "your (whichever bit of outfit is cheapest/shittiest looking) REALLY suits you" is the sort of thing that will sound reasonable in company, but set her mind whirring...

If she approaches you just comment on her shoes/outfit

"Nice shoes - I used to have a pair like that."

Neon, not helpful.

No-one I'm close enough to to confide even that much on I'm afraid, Yabu. I'm gonna have to do this one on my own like a Big Girl.

That's too bad StreetFighter.

Do you have a Chun-Li outfit?!

Blimey I feel like turning up myself, finding OW and drunkenly confiding in her that I too am in love with your DH and offered him my body but he only has eyes for you

I know, Neon. Believe me, I know. This has been a hard, hard road for me, and DH has certainly not been given a free pass. But surely you understand why I might feel nervous about seeing her?

2kids that's good!

Yabu, you sound like an ace mate. Top cheerleading skills!

While in principle I don't agree with using looks/clothes/hair to fight over a man, I know I would be visiting a good make up counter during the day and asking what would make you look great for that evening and tell them why. You'll either get great tips or a free makeover. But that's because other people always do my make up better than I can!

What about if she approaches you doing a haughty "gosh, I don't think I have anything to say to you" then walking off. Icy cold yet politeish.

I had to do this once and I went for breezy and busy. Then I went home and cried - it made things very real for me.

I hope it goes well x

Not one word to OW. Totally blank her, not your concern if people notice or not. Take a wingman if possible.