NoCapes thread 3 - flying solo

[NoCapes]

Thread 3

So the Spa day is off if you have your friend with you. What a fabulous gesture to just get on a train to be there for you.

I had this sudden thought in the night , he could be intentionally trying to get you up duffed. So much more leverage.

Remember when in your house he can go through your things, so if you have a laptop, make sure he can't use it & see your saved documents including the saved messages of the rape.
However you are now NOT having him in the house, right ? If he has his children, & I assume eventually ha will have them overnight, though that might be a challenge as he goes out 4/5 times a week he needs his own place, also if its cold & wet or dark , he will need his own place, if one of them is ill, he will need his own place.
Basically, you can assume he hasn't found his own place as he still thinks he will be coming back.
soon he will start about Xmas, Santa, Its for the children we spend the day together. be prepared. The answer is NO, you are going to Mama Capes, he has no domicile & his bitch mother doesn't want them at her house... So he will be free to go to strip clubs/play poker/shagging random women. It doesn't mix with family Christmas.
Speaking of Random women... Should you now do a STI check too ?

Morning Capes just checking in to see how you're doing. Hope you and your friend had a good night last night

Morning all! We did, we drank my birthday wine and ate my birthday chocolate and had a good old chat
She's got to get back soon though

I haven't heard from him after that last text last night, so I'm not sure if he's even having the kids or anything today, I'm not going to text and ask I'm just going to see if he shows, I don't want to keep having conversations with him really

No mix he is not coming in the house again
I know he's going to start with things like that soon, it's DS2s first birthday this week so he'll want to come to that, then bonfire night, then he'll start with Christmas - I need to figure out an answer to just keep churning out
I will feel bad that he's not going to be involved in stuff we're doing and not going to be part of traditions and things anymore, but I need to just keep reminding myself that it's not my fault that I've had to stop them, it's him who can't be a normal civil human being

I did think about an sti check, I had one not that long ago but yes I think I'll need another won't I
That's another thing aswell - when we were together he had women falling at his feet apparently and could take his pick of whoever he wanted so I should be so grateful he's with me - where the fuck are they then? You're single, go be with them, why do you need to force yourself onto me when there are knickers dropping for you all over the place?!

Sounds like you had a great night, I'm so glad, reckon you deserve it eh?
Unfortunately I think an STI check is a necessity, just to keep yourself safe. He's done enough already.
Fair point, all these supposedly willing (not so fucking sure about the willing now, apparently it's not needed in his eyes ) women seem to have disappeared. Which tells me they never existed in the first place and were just another manipulation tactic to control and belittle you.
You and the kids can have fun making new traditions together as a family. I felt lost my first Christmas as a single Mum, but DS and I had great fun coming up with new traditions just for us which we've added to each year as the family got bigger. Same with bonfire night, birthdays all the big things. It's a shiny new normal, moving forward as a wee unit, making memories and a future together.

Good girl and happy birthday

Glad you had a good evening :)
I would think about working a line out for him along the lines of "You don't deserve my trust or time. Your dc deserve a decent dad. Try working on that"

Happy Birthday. If he pushes to join in family celebrations the answer is no. He cannot be trusted around you therefore you cannot relax and enjoy the celebrations. This is his doing so he is the one to forfeit the celebrations obviously you are happy for him to take them to a bonfire celebration as long as it doesn't clash with your planned celebration.
Keep repeating that ad nauseum. You are not refusing to me with the dc's just refusing time with YOU.
Love and hugs being sent to keep you strong.

sorry i forgot to say happy birthday!

glad u had a god chat with your friend

what did she say about it all?

u dont have to keep thinking of answers its simple i dont trust you i dont want u in MY house anymore

he can make his ownmemories/traditions with the dc away from you

I started thinking about Christmas a week or so back and I had some lovely suggestions on this thread maybe you could take a look and start looking forward to a Christmas without him?

The way I deal with situation where they're being entitled is to simply say "WE are not a couple. There is NO relationship between us apart from a basic parental one. The only reason I am still in contact with you is because you are her their father." Then something more specific to the situation so for example: "We will not be having a family Christmas together because we are not family. I'm the DC's family, and you're the DC's family, but we are not family to each other. I have made plans for [insert the time your plans cover eg Christmas Day/Morning/Afternoon] but you are welcome to make your own plans for them around that time, so long as you give me plenty of notice." You can replace the word Christmas with Birthday, Bonfire Night, etc.

I find it's much easier if you don't try and argue that you're the good guy. If he comes back with "Oh Capes, don't be like that." You don't need to say "I'm not being like that I'm just trying to......" because that justs gets you into a tit for tat debate. All you need to say is "Well this is the way I'm being." with a little mental "so deal with it"

I'm glad you had such a good night with your friend you definitely deserve it I hope he doesn't bother you today!

Oh Yes, Happy Birthday Capes.

What about "you are not setting foot in this house as I don't want to be raped again"

Says it all doesn't it ?

Happy birthday Capey!!

Happy birthday

Capes said her birthday was the other day. When the fuckwit did what he did. Unless I'm behind and missed something? Wouldn't be surprised!

Did he stay away today Capes?

How are you capes.

Did he phone to get the kids or is he avoiding you to let the dust settle I wonder.

I hope you and your pal had a right laugh last night. Always good I find when life is a Wee bit shit.

Hey Capes hope you're ok and are getting all the support you need irl ❤

Morning all-hope you are ok today Capey.

Capes are you there? Can you just let us know you're ok love? No pressure, no details or anything, just want to know you're ok.

Sorry I'm fine, I went a little bit off grid yesterday and then I've been at 2 Hallween parties with the kids today - 2 😳!
But I'm fine, sorry, I'll be back properly tomorrow x

Glad you're ok, all sugared out after the parties? Look after yourself xx

Hey Capes hope you're feeling better today! Have you got any plans this week?

Hi yep I feel fine thankyou
I've got a very busy week coming up thankfully, kids aren't back in school until tomorrow so we're doing Halloweeny things today, then it's DS2s first birthday on Thursday, so Tuesday & Wednesday I'll be in organising mode, then I'm having a party on Friday and going out to a bonfire on Saturday!
So hopefully I'll be too busy to think

How are you doing sky?

Oh good I'm glad you've got some nice things planned! Aww the first birthday is a lovely one! Are you doing a smash cake? I wanted one for DD but XP wouldn't let me

I'm doing ok... Had a big blow out on the phone with XP over him being useless about coming to see DD. Feeling the effects of Freedom not being on last week! We're going to soft play on Wednesday and Freedom is on Friday

Hope you have a good Halloween! Are the DC dressing up?

Aw I love a good first birthday! Glad you're ok Capes sounds like you've not stopped!
Have a good Halloween, we went to get pumpkins but I think were left it too late! None to be found.

No we're not doing the cake smash thing - I can't justify wasted cake ha
They have dressed up, I have the devil, a cat and a baby Frankenstein
Has your DD dressed up?
Oh no has he not been seeing her??

Aye we did our pumpkins on Friday, we were probably a bit early though because they're starting to smell a bit funky now!
This is always a pretty just time of year and then I went and squeezed a baby out in the middle of it (he was early 🙄) so it's going to be a few weeks of being none stop every year now - joy!
You trick or treating tonight?

Just sent my lot out with my brother, he has gone all out with his costume bless him, I'm the sweetie-handed-outer this year

Haha fair point

Aww they sound so cute! She hasn't dressed up today, no. She's a bit young for trick or treating! I did buy her a skeleton onesie as she can wear that whenever but she got it dirty so its in the wash tonight 😂😂

In the last 6 weeks he's had her for a grand total of 3 afternoons! Each time for about 4 or 5 hours... I told him yesterday he either needed to see her regularly or fuck off! Then I threatened him with a court arrangement and hung up on him, so he's got a week for that to sink in and hopefully he'll get his act together by this weekend!

I'm glad you're enjoying your Halloween! I can't wait till next year when DD will be old enough to understand it all