Feeling a little bit down in the dumps about my lack of a love life...

[pinkmusicstand]

I'm a 35 year old single mum to a five year old DD. Split up with her dad when I found out I was pregnant however it was all a bit complicated as we had occasional 'reunions' until she was about a year old and I said enough and finally cut it all off.

Ex is now happily coupled up with a new girlfriend, which I'm totally OK about. No feelings between us anymore, so not at all complicated.

I've had a couple of short term relationships since then, lasting no more than 6 months.

I find it difficult to meet new men. I've tried OLD but haven't got anywhere with it. Most of the men I meet in RL are married/coupled up. I have had lots of crushes on men, even if they are single I don't think they even know I exist. I am unbelievably horny all of the time.

I just don't think it's going to happen for me. I don't think I'll ever meet someone nice. The type of guys who do express interest are usually weirdos/creeps/in relationships. Am dismayed why I attract these types and not a normal, nice single guy.

I never get asked out. I think I'm OK looking, am reasonably intellegent (have a degree and currently doing an MA), kind, caring etc. I think I'm a nice person. I just don't seem to be able to meet someone who thinks the same.

Don't really know why I'm posting, I guess just to get it off my chest. Feeling a bit down about it all at the moment. This idea that I will be left on the shelf for ever.

Feeling really lonely today. The silence is oppressive. The household chores I have to do feel overwhelming and scary (they're not!) and everyone I know is with family etc having a lovely Sunday at the end of the half term holiday.

I feel really anxious at being on my own today, for some reason.

Oh littletrip, you are so strong and give great advice, so sorry you are having a tough day. Some are like this, but usually tomorrow is easier. Is there anything you can do to take your mind of it. I find grocery shopping helps (I am incredibly odd though) as it means you are around people without having to actually interact.
If not, maybe some baking or marmalade making?
Your list was ace. You were spot on about being lost, I am aware that I have become a mum and an exwife, and not sure who the real me even is. That is what I am going to work on.
Am off out for a couple of hours, but will check in later to see how you are.

Maybe going back to finding me is what I need to do ,I've spent the last three years making sure my kids were ok after what happened that I put myself last. My daughter the other day said to me I had changed to someone she didn't really recognize anymore , difficult to change my mindset after putting them first . I know keeping going means I haven't had a full nights sleep in three years guess that does help ,don't feel I have much get up and go. Don't think I know myself anymore ,sometimes sitting on the shelf feels the safe option.

Aw, roverman, yes, I know that so well

I think a starting point is to think about what sort of person you used to be and the sort of person you'd like to be.

What did you do before the children or before your marriage? What were your hobbies and your passions? What got you talking and kept you talking until 4am?

And if you've been caught in the doldrums for a while, what sort of people inspire you? What sort of things do you see other people doing and think, I wish I could do that..?

Thanks, Funny. Trying to motivate myself now...!

I wonder whether some of your 'flumpiness' (as I called it in myself) has been inadvertently projected in your online dating profile.

I read an awful lot from men who were clearly feeling very lacklustre and it came across and I really don't think they had any idea.

I'm sure women must be the same too.

I am actually thinking it may just be my photos, they were taken in the last couple of weeks , looking at them maybe I look tired and down ,even though I'm smiling , I also look a lot older than I thought I did ! Wonder if I need a make over and a revamp ,trouble is not sure what I would want to do !

Hope you're doing okay littletrip.
That is exactely my problem roverman, I really don't know what I want to do. I think troubled times take their toll, someone said to me the other day that although I appear to be coping admirably, they know me well enough to see that I look tired and as if I have a huge burden. If you are the same, maybe this is evident in your photos.
We aren't doing a great job of inspiring each other re dating. Sitting on the shelf really does feel like the safer option, but it has been lovely sitting here with you two.

I am, Funny, thanks.

I went and did some grocery shopping and I'm popping out for an hour now with a friend.

Just feeling a bit maudlin, I think!

You're absolutely right about feeling the ' huge burden'.

I'll probably be back on this shelf later, though...

Can I join the shelf please?? Having spent a while alone I'm recently finding I would like to get back off the shelf. But where to go to meet people nowadays? Things have changed a lot!!! I've been chatting online to some but all that I'm getting is propositioned by either married men or guys who just want one thing

Hi chocolate, yes plenty of room here, climb up.
Sure others will be along later with drinks and snacks.
Amazes me that married people behave so atrociously. I was in a really shit marriage for 25 years, but would not have dreamt of looking elsewhere and like you am not interesed in one thing only.
Seems we need to sit here until someone clever comes along with the answer!

Don't know any answers ,but I think I will spend a while on the shelf ,I'll find some stuff later to make my time more cosy on it , anyone is welcome to join me!

I will be climbing up later, now I know you all so well, will be wearing my fluffy slippers.

Little trip sorry your feeling that way, do u work out? I find the gym helps when im feeling low it's a great way to clear your head as well as the other obvious health benefits, I've lost a stone since I started in April after a breakup but I don't actually go to lose weight I just went in hopes that it would lift my mood which it did and the weight loss is a bonus on top of that

Can't abide the gym, nataliemej! I do a couple of yoga classes a week, though, which are good for mind and body.

I think that sometimes I just find everything I have to do so overwhelming.

I've got everything done now, so I'm going to get my pjs, a really warm fleecy blanket, a couple of cushions and a glass of wine. I'm bringing them up to the shelf. Actually, I'll bring the bottle.

Bit late getting back on the shelf tonight ,was watching f1 , is there anything interesting going on .hope everyone's comfy ,with drinks and nibbled and lovely fluffy cushions.

Thanks for letting me join you all on the shelf. With fluffy cushions nibbles and drinks I should have joined here ages ago. Cheers.

Chocolate welcome ,May you enjoy your stay.

At last, everyones settled, few dramas with ex again! Nothing new there.
Am settling with a cold beer and hoping littletrip is gonna share her wine and fluffy cushions.
Nataliemj, do you think the gym is a good place to meet people?, although I am allergic to exercise, so not sure it would work for me.
I used to go to yoga, but don't even seem to be able to find time for that now- maybe that's something I need to put on my list.

Not having a good evening ,have another ex texting me at the moment ,really need to change my number !

Cheeky exes ruining our night. My opinion of gyms is guys looking at their muscles

Oh dear. If all the kids are home, can you just switch phone off?
It's not your estranged wife is it?

Haha chocolate, not sure I could date someone who loves themselves more than any other.

We were never married ,no it's not her thankfully . Someone I was seeing last year ,but mucked me around so much ,I had to walk away .

Sounds like you picked a right pair. That worries me, I have a ridiculous trust of people and always look for the good, this means I often leave myself wide open to being hurt.
I have no twat radar!