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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Absolutely Livid!! dh just called a fat lazy f****ker

134 replies

Debbsyandson · 09/02/2007 22:40

im furious,only had my ds 8 weeks ago,have lost most of my baby weight,i do all the nite feeds nappy changes baths washing cleaning and admittedly theres not always a meal done when he gets home from work.But for fucks sake i am a new mum!!!Feel like walikng through the door with ds and not coming back he has really really hurt me.

OP posts:
colditz · 09/02/2007 22:41

Do it then, I bloody would and I think you should. Do you want to be spoken to like this for the rest of your life?

Debbsyandson · 09/02/2007 22:42

this thread was meant to say thats what he called me
im quitting bf after the wkwnd as im sick and tired of doing everything,granted wkends when hes not working he changes ds nappy,but the formula he has inbtween breast he doesnt even give him that.

OP posts:
Rhubarb · 09/02/2007 22:42

Err, why do you put up with it?

You clean and feed and bathe and cook, but you feel bad because you don't always produce a meal for him at the end of the day?

FFS!

handlemecarefully · 09/02/2007 22:42

Does he have a history of abusive comments and hurtful remarks, or is this out of character?

Is there any context to this (was he provoked?)

I agree it is a really unpleasant and spiteful thing to say....

lulumama · 09/02/2007 22:43

from me for him !

a big bunch of roses and a groveling apology from him !!

you look amazing in the pics you posted recently and i am very surprised at the lack of sensitivity displayed by mr debbsy!

lulumama · 09/02/2007 22:43

babe..don't give up on breastfeeding if you are not ready to...x

mytwopenceworth · 09/02/2007 22:44

ok, if you don't leave him (tbh i'd be thinking about it. bastard.) then the next day off he's got, you make sure you are up and out the house before he knows what's hit him. as you are going, yell "i am out for the day, you have to look after the baby, I'll see you tonight"

let's see what he has to say after 8 hours.

TheArmadillo · 09/02/2007 22:44

I think you are doing amazingly well.

What he said is appalling. Remember that it is him not you.

Is this the first time he has done something like this or has he said similar things before?

colditz · 09/02/2007 22:44

Seriously, tell him to fuck off.

fransmom · 09/02/2007 22:45

one of dp's colleagues said this when dd was about the same age. i was still in pain from stitches/scarring btw. for months afterwards i wanted her lynched.

she doesn't even have children ffs

as for you dh girlie, let him look after everything when you're ready - he'll soon retract his statement [anger]

Debbsyandson · 09/02/2007 22:45

Well i was very in love with dh and still floating after having ds,im tired im up 4-5 times during the nite,he doesnt even give me a break oh accept he will argue that as he holds him for half hour on an evening when he gets in.He sees because he sorts the dogs out takes them out,emptys ds bath changes his nappy once a day,emptys the dishwasher that im a fat lazy well you know the rest.The bastard i am so so angry

OP posts:
lulumama · 09/02/2007 22:46

I don;t think you should leave him, but he needs to understand this is totally inappropriate

a newborn changes the relationship between you in so many subtle and not so subtle ways, and no , you don;t get your dinner on the fecking table every day without fail, when you have a tiny baby in the house

handlemecarefully · 09/02/2007 22:47

Ummm - I remember some really nasty fights (verbal not physical) with my dh shortly after the birth of our first baby....we were both in profound shock at the way a baby had turned our life upside down....

lulumama · 09/02/2007 22:47

have to go to bed now, so will catch up soon x take care xxxx

themildmanneredjanitor · 09/02/2007 22:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fransmom · 09/02/2007 22:49

you know what debbsyandson, dp is still like this very occasinally. he thinks it's easy working oth pt for 26hrs, then walking mile and half to pick up dd then another mile and half back to try and get her tea/bath/bed on time is nigh on impossible. half hour is nothing for a father. tell him if he wants to be his dad and for him to recognise him he has to do more

colditz · 09/02/2007 22:50

I think some men don't even realise that they don't come first any more. Then when they start to be treated like number two (which they are!) they are outraged. Dp acted like a disposed prince for a while after ds1's birth, but (and I am aware this may shock) I informed him that he was not my priority any more, never would be again, and if he didn't like it he was more than welcome to leave. He actually bucked his ideas up.

fransmom · 09/02/2007 22:50

yep. she did. we even met her in a supermarket once and dp (the get) told me afterwards that he hadn't dared tell me who she was in case i floored the cow

1sue1 · 09/02/2007 22:51

Say 'I can lose weight but you'll always Have a small cock'.

He needs to be told how inappropriate and hurtful this kind of abuse is.

PinkTulips · 09/02/2007 22:52

if that were dp he'd be gone. we've almost broken up over a hell of a lot less than that!

sorry debsy but you simply cannot accept abuse like that.... think what it'll do to your son to grow up hearing his mother spoken to like that... he'll never respect any woman in his life

1sue1 · 09/02/2007 22:52

colditz, not shocking, I said exact same thing to ex. I think that it sorts out the men from the boys, a decent man would accept that baby always comes first.

fransmom · 09/02/2007 22:53

from what i remember she said to dp that i should have the whole flat spick and span, dd washed and dressed ready for bed, me waiting on him hand and foot ready for when he got home. and me presumable ready to resume normal relations i -don't_ think so

Debbsyandson · 09/02/2007 22:53

it started cos ds had his injections so been niggling all day,so ive been holding him and consoling him all day,told dh last week i was quitting bf last week he was moaning about it,i can see why the bastard.Ds woke up at ten dh asked when was the last time i fed him err jusr before 9 you saw me,bear in mind at 9 i asked dh to make up 2 bottles for ds,for the nite.Lo and behold i go down at ten not bloody done so i told him ive had enough of him he should have got off his arse instead of watching tv and done them.So i told him about the things he doesnt do oh and did i mention he doesnt do the sterilising either or the making up of bottles.So during this arguement thats what he said.oh and he was probably grumpy cos he had fallen asleep on the settee oh yes he must be so tired only having 8 hrs sleep a nite the bastard.

OP posts:
liquidclocks · 09/02/2007 22:53

ok, just cut and pasting this from our postnatal thread but feel it might be appropriate for your (D)H:

A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door. He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls. As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?" She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?" "Yes," was his incredulous reply. She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."

lazy? - as if we have time!

sideways · 09/02/2007 22:56

Sorry debbsy, totally unacceptable behaviour from your dh.

Does he realise how much you do - I mean have you spelt it out to him and listed every single thing you do in a day, and night and how knackered you are?

It sounds as if you need a big chat with him to get him to take more responsibility for you both and start to pull his weight.

And please don't give up breastfeeding just because of this.