Absolutely Livid!! dh just called a fat lazy f****ker

[Debbsyandson]

im furious,only had my ds 8 weeks ago,have lost most of my baby weight,i do all the nite feeds nappy changes baths washing cleaning and admittedly theres not always a meal done when he gets home from work.But for fucks sake i am a new mum!!!Feel like walikng through the door with ds and not coming back he has really really hurt me.

And when he has done the bottles, GO TO LUNCHthere are women up and down the country and you are saying no, it is your duty to go. The report back.

Debbsy, I do know what you are on about being the one who listens to the HV and reads the books - dh did things that didn't live up to my standards because he hadn't bothered to find out how to do them when ds was small. Infuriating. But you have to allow him to do things without jumping on him - if he won't be told (or you can't tell him without a critical tone creeping into your voice, like me) then could you show him? Some people respond better to seeing rather than being told. Or explain that 'the HV told me to do it like this'? Some men will only listen if they think an authority figure has laid down the rule, rather than you. Again, infuriating, but while you are trying to adjust to parenthood, worth working round it rather than trying to challenge it head on.

Agree with the poster who said books and advice varies - there's no one way to do most things (except put them on their backs to go to sleep). Stick around on MN long enough and you'll see how many different approaches there are to the same issue! Actually that's what got me on here, someone gave me Mums on Babies and it was so refreshing hearing mums debating how to do x, y and z and saying 'this worked for me, give it a try' rather than some bleeding expert saying 'You MUST do it like this or your baby will DIE'.

Ask him why he is inviting you out to lunch if he thinks you're fat and lazy? I would be absolutely raging if my dh said that to me. I honestly don't think I could get over being called fat (lazy wouldn't bother me as much). It would make me feel like telling him he's got a small cock!

PlummyMummy

I think at this stage the thread is about resolving issues.

I suppose it depends on how she wants it resolved. It sounded as though she wanted an apology rather than gestures.

lol plummy i have and he has just said he didnt mean it it was just a throw away comment,of which i said you have hurt me,his response everyone.......... shut up- and stop being silly and to think i was just going to go 4 lunch--- well he can swivel !!

i think telling him he has a small cock, keeps this at the nasty bickering level

an apology and a nice lunch out will do a lot more than insults , i think

debbsy...does he usually do this when he has been in the wrong?

I think 'I didn't mean it' was an attempt at an apology. And I think you have reached the stage of cutting off your nose to spite your face. When you are furious and think you are in the right it is very satisfying to find more food for your anger. But it stops you resolving the argument. Give yourself a break and go for lunch and stop going over the same ground again and again.

agree edam

Dh does this,(rarely thank god !!) and then sidles up to me about a week later and sorry in a wee small voice and makes me a cup of tea!

some men just cannot say it, it chokes them ! and some women too !

lol about the small cock wish i could say that but its not true rofl especially the one thats attached to his head
lulu yes he does he becomes very jovial and trys to do what he has been doing,he is now giving ds his bottle which he prepared himself ,so i think he is making an effort.

I didn't mean you should tell your dh he has a small cock - just that it's what I might reply to my dh if he called me fat! This is your relationship and you need to deal with it as you think best regardless of what any of us say or think. I can totally understand how you might be feeling right now and I don't know how helpful it is for people to tell you to turn the other cheek. Talking about it is ultimately the sensible thing to do, but when you have been hurt and the person doesn't have the decency to apologise..........well, quite frankly you're only human ffs.

thats the thing you see he cant say im sorry, ican when i do wrong but he cant say it its only one word for gods sake.Anyway going to get ready now thanks all ill keep you posted xxxxxxxxxxxx

good !! well, then draw a line under this , have a big roast lunch and make friends!

agree plummy thanks x

Hope you are both able to sort things out. It's very stressful having a new baby around xx

Right enough of this...................

Where are you going for lunch ??

lol just where we have booked kais christening we have got to pay a deposit today,its near a big park thats lovely to walk around.

ha ha ha ha ha ds has just done the biggest poo on him and he has cleaned it up with not one single murmur normally he shouts me lol thats my boy

Edam, you speak a lot of sense.

for me, doing the nappy is the best apology ! x

Not really - it's his duty.

Thanks 1sue - been there, bought the t-shirt!

yes edam you do thank you x
thank you everyone we are now exchanging words,and e are going for lunch x