Online Dating ... and this is a thread for while we are waiting! Dating thread 109

[loobyloo1234]

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

Maybe you'll luck out and he's actually Daddypig.

sammy I've been there and absolutely sympathise!
I recently met a guy on tinder, his profile said he was looking for a GF and that's completely how he came across. We had a great 2 first dates and his messages were keen and consistent. We talked about the distance, our kids etc nothing seemed to out him off he was very interested it SEEMED.
Total turnaround after 3rd date mooseburgers! Still messaged but less and not the same tone. I left it a few days, he didn't mention another date or day anthing much other that Hi! and then I sent him one saying he'd obviously had what he came for and maybe next time he was back on tinder he should be more specific in asking for ONS etc rather than the gf stuff! No reply unsurprisingly! But yes it leaves you wondering if you were crap, or your stretch marks and wobbly bits made them run in the other direction....

baklava the 2 irons thing sounds just like my current experience! I get the feeling my mr keen is just in love with the idea of a relationship and I'm just the first one along...I've not given him half the amount of encouragement he's giving himself

BaklavaBalaclava Shoot me now... :P

All you lovely ladies who are chatting/messaging/actually dating can I ask:

do you make the first move ie winking (if on Match) or do you wait for them? I've made a dozen or so my favourites but not winked at anyone. Do I need to wink before they think I'm interested?

I noticed that quite a few haven't been active for 2 months or more - are these generally dead dodos as far as OLD goes?

Is it a good idea to be on more than one OLD site at a time? is it worth the expense??

Sorry for so many questions x

Last yes I think he was sadly.... on paper looked promising but in flesh was just a 40 year old boy racer type with his stupid car and Hoody! Turns out he only split with his long term partner in April (mother of his kids) and I didn't like some of the comments he made I.e that he walked out then 4 days later messaged to go back but by then she had already meet someone else so he then found this blokes ex on Facebook and messaged her etc

All very strange

Ok wise ones what you all make of this??

There is a local guy who has been popping up online dating for about 2 years, 2 years ago we arranged a date, got to day of date and didn't hear anything from him so left it at that, about 9 months later he messaged me through Facebook and asked me on date, I mentioned the last failed one and he brushed it off as a mistake/misunderstanding etc... was a bit but gave him the benefit of doubt so we chatted for a week or so and chatted on phone and again arranged date, we chatted right up till about 2 hours before date when he suddenly disappeared again! Never heard any more

So last night again he has popped up on POF and is basically asking for a date, am I right in thinking this guy is a piss taking flake and I'm quite within my rights to say thanks but no thanks I'm not anyone's 2nd or 3rd chance.... knob

datingbarb - no - one strike and they are out, you have to be quite firm about these things. I've lost count of the number of guys who've clearly gone off and had a relationship then thought I'll give pissed another message 😳
I'm on to them now, just no

Pisssed great exactly what I was thinking, I'm not going to be nice about it will just tell him firmly to do one!

Hi everyone
Following everyone's progress and stories and adventures with great interest and willing you all on to meet the One Who Floats Your Boat.
I'm going to lurk from now on (at least for a while) as things seems to have developed with me and Wildly Unsuitable after our weekend away. It was a great success and we now seem to be entering bf/gf territory sirens/flashing lights. Sounds a bit silly calling myself a gf at the Grand Old Age of 46 but how and ever.... I've got serious flutters for him, and amazingly, (amazingly!) he seems to feel the same way. Pray for me!!

Woohoo! Great new upyer - congrats

Fantastic news UpYerGansey!

I'm clearing the decks and starting again with new irons ..... Pof is rubbish right ?

What I'm finding a little hard to grapple with is how both my current men, irrespective of their age, are clearly telling me that they are available when I wish to see them. They're putting the ball in my court. Photographer man has told me several times to let him know when I'm ready to see him and that he will drive down to see me. Barman, who I saw on Saturday evening, expressed the desire to see me again several times, asked me if I agreed to a couple of different future date suggestions, (are they dates if we are platonic? ), asked me for my phone number and stressed how much he'd been wanting to go out with me and then clearly specified that as soon as I wanted to go out with him I should let him know and he'd make himself available.

Has anyone got the Dating in 2016 Manual? I'm in my mid/late forties and didn't realise that men were putting the ball in our court nowadays? Both are clearly expressing their desire to see me but is it a sign of respect or something else that makes them wait on my decision?

I'm more than happy to go with the flow and take the necessary time btw but I am baffled and touched at the same time.

It's pure laziness I think.. Maybe I'm old fashioned but I want to be asked out

Blobby10 I've sent a few messages but TBH, I'm getting better chat from the men who have messaged me first.

But they do ask me out pisssssedofff (did I get enough sssss there?). They're suggesting options but respecting the fact I have children and a busy life. I don't see it as laziness rather a touch of cowardice.

I'm on pof - it's been working out OK for me so far, but I'm still in experimental phase. If I was seriously trying to find something proper, I may be more frustrated...

Blobby, I'm on Match. I wink at some and others I've winked and messaged. The first chap I met, I winked and I messaged him. 2nd chap, he winked and I messaged him weeks later, once I'd spotted his wink. 3rd one.....he messaged me, not sure if he winked or not. If I like the look of someone, I brave messaging them and don't worry if I don't hear back.

Well, me and Mr 31 appear to be moving along nicely. He's coming here on Thursday evening. Then Saturday evening, he's coming here and meeting the teenager! He's then taking me for a curry then back here to watch a film. Teenager completely happy with it, 31 is a bit nervous and seems keen to make a good impression- he's bring wine for us and popcorn for her. Probably not no strings really!?!

LAST, thanks for your comments. In a weird way it's good to know I'm not alone! It is disheartening when they disappear after mooseburgers. Still, not gonna let it put me off!

I think that's a good attitude to have Sammy, the alternative would be to never have faith in someone, which isn't a good start to a relationship either. And how many dates do you wait for moose burgers - 4/5/6/7/8? If they're a wrong 'un, then they'd probably hang on in there. It's a bloody minefield, isn't it!?!

I am getting seriously concerned about my number by the time mr right shows up though, it's already doubled since J split with ex 3 years ago. Not particularly happy about that tbh

thisis - I'd say that if they asked you out, and are leaving it to you to let them know when you're free, that's probably good manners on their behalf. At least that's the way I'd see it. You've probably got more limited availability than them.

So if you said 'I could arrange a sitter/be free for the end of next week' or something, that's reasonable.

If they expected you to travel to them, or for you to pick a place - that's getting lazy. Otherwise it's just politeness I think

Thanks Bant! As soon as I say I'm free they go into full instigation mode. They travel, pay and pick the place. And photography man has been doing hours of photography for me for free. So, I do think they are being considerate, yes.

Myuser your thoughts on men being nervous and over-investing too make sense to me. Mr Professional was honest about nerves and said he was insecure about weight, though isn't particularly overweight.

MrsFluff I think you're right about men that just want mooseburgers waiting for many weeks to get it, so no guarantees. Many pp on here have got to the 3-5 month stage and found it was more a fling for a man. So maybe it's over the 6 month period when it's real?

Psssd what number is doubling - time as single woman? If it leads to something more long term it may be better than lots of 1yr relationships?

Thisis sounds like two good men, how do you decide which one to focus on, or going to get to know them better?