Online Dating ... and this is a thread for while we are waiting! Dating thread 109

[loobyloo1234]

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

Pissed you been talking to yourself again

It's the only decent conversation I get these days. Littledicks gone has he 😩

Hmm my finger may have accidentally ...

I'm going to be a tad irritating here asking for a little help with two potential men.

One, I've known since early August. We've spent a few days together working on a photo project over the course of two months. Things were complicated initially by him being my friend's ex so we endeavoured to stay good despite a huge physical attraction between us. End of September we gave into temptation, not the full works and I have since then been keeping him at arms' length and have cancelled on seeing him twice (he lives over an hour away) as I needed to get my head straight re: my friend and implications of getting together with her ex. He's a couple of years older than me and makes me feel calm.

Since we last saw each other he's behaved impeccably. We've exchanged emails and he remains respectful and mindful of my wellbeing. He alludes to his attraction and feelings for me but in a very understated way. But the words are there nonetheless.

And then there's man number two. I've known him for a few months; he's a barman in one of my favourite bars who confessed having feelings for me when we found ourselves at his best friend's wedding end of September. He had been very discrete up to this wedding but nonetheless my sixth sense told me there was something between us. The last month we did not see each other despite the fact he'd suggested we go out for a drink and talk; he was hugely busy moving flats and working long hours and I was absent when he was available.

We finally spent the evening together this Saturday. We went to a bar and talked nonstop from 9pm to 2am. The conversation was deep and fun too; a perfect balance and we have a lot in common. He asked me for my phone number and wanted to know if I would like to go to the restaurant with him and his best friend and new wife. He also said that anytime I would like to go out dancing, etc he'd be delighted. So far things are platonic between us. He's much younger than I am.

I am aware that neither man is longterm relationship material but I'm not looking for that right now. I am behaving decently but find it quite confusing liking both of them equally but in a different way.

I sound really annoying don't I?

Obviously I need to give this time and let things unfold but any advice would be much appreciated.

Hi Thisis. I remember you mentioning them both before. My advice would be that you don't need to make decision now, however against the grain that is. Continue to get to know them both and see what develops.

You're right Mrsfluff, thank you for taking the time to read my blood long post

Ah you're welcome - it's something a few of us on here struggle with and we've all needed reminding. Especially those of us in the Over Investors corner

Over Investors? Yep, that's me Mrsfluff!

I agree but maybe you need to think about talking to your friend at some point? Would she take it badly?

I have a seat in over investor corner too

Hi Myusernameis! I asked my friend a few weeks ago whether she'd ever wondered if something might happen when she introduced two single people - her ex and I - to each other. Her response was 'no but if something would happen I wouldn't care in the slightest'.

Friends are precious. However I believe it is up to her ex (they were together for ten years and have a four year old son) to talk to her if and when that would be necessary. Their relationship is more important and longer than than my friendship with her.

Lastnickname hope your date went better than mine tonight.... def no go just didn't fancy him in the slightest and he really isn't as funny as he was over text/ phone

Oh well onwards and upwards

Hi I'm reading the messages about over-investment with interest. I'd say I should have an award in it. I seem to be able to pick men that move at a fast pace too. My current man Mr Professional and I have already discussed exclusivity on and following date number two. I'm torn between wanting to be positive and 'go for it' really missing mooseburgers doesn’t help and thinking brakes should go down. Date number three Wed evening. Don't think I can say no if mooseburgers on offer, but does that send a signal that a fast pace emotionally is ok?

The thing is it's not one sided over investing by the sounds of it none of us in the corner are making wedding scrapbooks it just seems to pick up speed quickly and I think that the main thing to be wary of is doing anything silly like meeting kids or moving in too soon.
Yes we might get burned but I don't want to live my life waiting for the other shoe to drop all the time and not enjoying life when it happens. You can't worry too much about stuff that might happen you kind of just have to wait and see and deal with it if it happens.
I don't think mooseburgers on any date is right or wrong if it feels right, you have to just go with the flow!

I think we (women) can get into the mindset that men are all commitment phobes and that's just not the case. They get excited and over invest too. It just has to be at the same pace as each other

We've discussed Christmas/holidays 'oh one day we will go x y and z' which just seems to happen. He says it and I say it too. But it just feels normal

Evening all. My, things have been interesting on the thread today. I think blokey who got blocked today was the same bloke (dadsnet) who got blocked last week?

I'm back to online dating. My long distance relationship, which I posted on here about several threads back, didn't work out, so I'm a bit gutted (Actually a bit heartbroken) but.. what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right? Or possibly leaves you with a weakened immune system and huge medical bills, but hopefully neither of those is the case

I've joined Match, and also dabbled with POF, Tinder and OKC in the past. They're all horrible for different reasons..

So what's the best first email anyone has ever received?

None really stick out in my mind as that memorable! Some gross but mostly dull as anything 'hi' x million

Good luck, sorry to hear about your bad times. I hope you feel better soon

Just as we talk about over investing, Mr Shy texts me that he is nearby this weekend at a hobby commitment he cannot change, and as it's his birthday he will get his parents/kids to meet him for lunch. I sent him links of nice places to eat and he says 'you coming along?'

I laughed it off and said 'oh imagine everyone's faces if I just plonked myself down' because whoa, is he joking/being polite or did he mean it?!!! It's WAY too soon for that IMO

I had an email today from a man of 72 (I am 45) wanting to go out for a drink. He said to let him know if I thought that the age gap would be a problem!! As if!! I give up!!!😡

You know what though he has some balls trying it hahhaa bless him randy old goat

He could have some great stories about the War.

Vietnam war, obviously. Or Falklands.

I didn't see the latest set of posts, but do we have one sad bitter man constantly name changing? Mumsnet HQ should be able to see from the account name history and/or IP history.

Been exchanging lots of random texts with Mr Wildcard. I'm over-invested. I like his written style and humour. From his photo, I think we may be evenly matched (dear Lord, I hope we are).

I desperately want there to be physical chemistry because intellectually we seem completely on the same page. I'm ignoring my other irons. Please, please let there be a spark so I can stop OLD.

I remember you from previously bant I would say nice to see you back here but that's a bit mean as I remember how happy you were with your GF! Last time you posted, you'd broken up but missed each other and nobody was comparing so decided to give it another go. Sorry it didn't work out, I know you really liked her. I'm guessing long distance is a pretty hard one to get around long term...best opening message for me is anything past the hi how are you ones. If he mentions something in my profile and asks a question, seems interested that's brilliant.

My date was called off, and I feel awful but I felt so relieved. He's a lovely sweet chap so far, very kind and sends really nice messages but he's new to OLD and just keeps saying he likes me already and knows we will get on, and he knows we'll be ok blah blah

I've told him he knows nothing and that you just can't tell before meeting. I've explained it's common to get in with someone over message but not click or have chemistry. He's then all hang dog saying I hope you're not disappointed...it's awful but I will meet him out of politeness because he is coming across as a nice man. But gah.....

I have MR unsuitable too who I'm still chatting to literally back and forth solidly since the weekend. I'm super keen to meet him even though I bloody well know he is always busy, has a job that means he's hardly free and also lives a long way away, coupled with the fact he's got no kids and has a travelling fondness it's absolutely not got legs but we click so well over message I just can't step away, really just have to meet him. He has apparently 'rota'd me in' at the first available opportunity for a date which is a week Friday. Dangerous territory having 2 weeks intense chat with someone before meeting but I never learn...

dating barb so no chemistry for you? That sucks, now you have to do the whole "thanks but no thanks" message!

Do you think he was feeling it?

While I've nothing against casual sex, in fact I'm a big fan of it, bring rejected after you have sex for the first time with someone is shit. :-( leads to all sorts of questions like - was I crap in bed? Was it how I look? Was it the wobbly tummy? Or was the mr nice guy persona just an act and was he really just interested in a legover all along? And if that's the case, he should have just asked abiutvveing FBs and I'd have likely agreed, but he let me think he was interested in properly dating til we had sex. Can't say it doesn't sting a little.

Sorry Sammy - that sucks.

Bant - no one has ever equalled the line about wanking crabs having large arms to attract female attention.

Actually, I should probably have stopped OLD there. It's inevitably all down hill from there.

last - it's tricky, isn't it. I find it hard not to get sucked into intense chatting...

Am starting to feel not to good about having 2 irons, despite not having kissed either of them! But am having steamy convo's with one, and the other seems to be planning the wedding already.

I also feel a bit weird as the both seem to be having some kind of relationship with their own heads rather than me - if you know what I mean! I think it's the danger of too much early texting - there is all this space for people to invent things...

When are you meeting Mr Wildcard Pringle - Lets hope he's good in the flesh!

BaklavaBalaclava Thursday. Would be just my luck if he's boring and unattractive in real life... I hope for too much too soon!