Online Dating ... and this is a thread for while we are waiting! Dating thread 109

[loobyloo1234]

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

Urgh just had a bike message on Match from someone saying lookin at photos of me is making him feel horny. Yuk yuk yuk

Urgh just had a vile message from someone saying looking at photos of me is making him feel horny. Yuk yuk yuk

I e blocked loads recently, what is wrong with these men

I know. It actually really depresses me.

Everyone I meet says online dating is scraping the bottom of the barrel and I didn't believe it until now but yeah it's awful at times. I've just had a message from
A man who has a photo of his car parked outside his house, one of those, didn't dpot it at first. He's being honest about his "concerns" about my children. Am not actually attracted to the tool anyway so am considering giving him a right mouthful about how he will be alone in his house and car ! Not sure I can actually be arsed though

Forme, sounds like the date went really well

Crazy, yuck, why do some men have to be so grubby

Hygg I am seeing him again. Exchanging lots of regular messages. I don't want to support someone needy again, and over analysing things he's said. Think he may be over analysing too. We did have fun on the date so maybe we should both focus on that.

Lilac, definitely focus on the fun! I'm sure me and Mr 31 can't possibly have a long term future, but for now it's fun, he makes me feel fabulous and I get excited about seeing him. If any of those things change, we'll then I'll have to make a decision, but until then I'm going to enjoy myself

Evil did you hear back from Mr Commitmentphobe? I really want to contact mine. I hate all this dating, I just want HIM

I'm not ready to start dating again I'd like to wait a year before I start as it's not been long since the ending of my long marriage, I'm happy on my own so there is no rush.
i did have a look over a few sites thought just to see what kind of men are out there and I thought WHY are the men in the age group I want 55-65 all such action men?
They all describe travel every other week, skiing, cycling for miles every week, sailing.
Jesus all I want is a pipe and slippers guy not action man, I feel exhausted just looking at them.
The men I like the look of are all obsessed with cramming every day with activity, is this a man thing. I'm sure women don't find the need to do this. Sure I like to go to a festival or do a bit of camping but mostly I just enjoy hanging out doing some gardening or relaxing after work.

bikerloo It took me a long time to be ready for dating let alone a relationship after the end of my long term relationship. You'll know when you're ready, I think.

I actually have a really busy life, as do some of the men I've been messaging - now wondering how we would find time to see each other if we wanted! I think when you're single for a while, you automatically fill the gaps where you would have done something with your partner and eventually you have no gaps. The hard part I think is comprising and making some gaps again.

Had a message from a cute looking boy who is objectively prettier than Mr Wildcard but his writing is such a turn off. Thinking back to all the men I've ever dated... You know what, I think writing is actually more of a dealbreaker for me than looks.

If he'd approached me in person, the message would have been fine but I hate how he's written it. It's strange the things that do and don't matter to different people - it turns out I'm all about the words!

How's everyone been doing? It's been a bit crazy with stuff with me.

So Widower who I was meant to see tomorrow has suddenly texted and said to various childcare mess ups and school pick ups he won't be able to see me tomorrow. Was really apologetic and explained it all. However have been emailing since end of September and wanted to meet soon. He lives in E Sussex and me in SE London and he sometimes comes to London (1 x a month) for business meetings. He can get childcare through his parents and ILs. What should I say? I'm a bit hacked off to be honest as its a bit last minute and don't want to wait another month.

Pringlecat I agree you do tend to fill your life with things to do when single so it can be hard to create gaps.

Bikerlou I think some of these men don't necessarily do these activities all the time but put them on websites so they seem more interesting. However I know 2 single men in their 50s and their hobbies seem to be cycling, spinning, pub, eating out, travel, dancing (one loves rock and roll and jive!) and various other activities.

pringle I'm exactly the same, I started messaging a guy this week whose profile was brilliantly written, really eloquent. It became quite obvious within two or three messages that he hadn't written it and it completely put me off him. I even say on my profile that good spelling is important to me and have had a few men message me telling me to get over myself. I don't care, it matters and if they can't be bothered to even read their messages to make sure they make sense before they hit send then I delete them.

Superflyhigh I agree, it's been too long! I wonder if it's an excuse because he's got scared about meeting someone? If he hasn't really dated since losing his wife, that would explain the sudden panic.

Forme2016 Mr Cute had clearly read my profile because he picked up on my humour, but I clearly mentioned poor spelling and grammar was a turn off and there weren't any apostrophes in his message! Regretfully I think I may ignore him.

I've had a few people comment (both positively and negatively). I don't care, it genuinely matters to me. It would be wasting the other person's time if I didn't admit it.

** were

Damn iPhone...

crazycat nothing. I've heard nothing.

All irons have gone cold. Again I've been getting the "hi, beautiful" messages.

Some good updates going on!

After 4 dates I'd definitely want/expect a kiss!! Maybe he's just shy, and waiting for you to take the initiative?

mrsfluff it sounds a bit like its starting to be "a thing" with your young man, how do you not fall for him so soon, I'm queen of the over investors myself but you sound like you have a good handle on seeing where it goes

4 dates ? Gee I'm arranging the wedding by that point. What if he's a rubbish kisser 😫

I have 2 new irons after my no spark date last week.
One "mr keen" is new to OLD and totally naive. He seems to think we will meet and fall in love, that's it. He's a bit gushy and I'm a little scared by his enthusiasm as I feel it's unrealistic but will give him a chance because he is just new to this and doesn't realise half the people you match and meet have no chemistry etc. Date tomorrow!

Second iron "mr unsuitable" funny, literate, sending me long and very interesting messages also cute. But he travels, is younger and we have nothing in common seemingly. I have 4 kids he has none. It wouldn't go anywhere but I'm loving taking to him

Can I join? I have a tinder date next weekend and I'm trying not to build my hopes up too much! I'd given up on OLD after it wasn't really working out for me but talking to this new guy has made me feel really excited and positive.

The main thing that worries me is that we're really getting along and things seem too good to be true so what if the date doesn't live up to expectations?

blueribbon how long have you been chatting for? I find it better to match and meet quickly or can form a bond with someone thinking you click and start to be very hopeful only to find there is no chemistry or spark in real life when you meet. It's awful when that happens!

We've only been chatting since Friday but neither of us are free until next weekend. I wish we could meet sooner to avoid disappointment though. Should I maybe message him less? We're pretty much back and forth with messages at the minute.

Just go with what feels comfortable you will naturally chat less in the week when you are working. It's exciting!

lastnick, both irons sound interesting. How selfless of you to help out a newbie to OLD

It is definitely starting to be a thing with Mr 31. He seems really keen, sends lots of lovely messages - he thinks I'm feisty and sexy He's told his Mum about me!! I'm just gonna enjoy it and try not to overthink it