Online Dating ... and this is a thread for while we are waiting! Dating thread 109

[loobyloo1234]

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

I think, if you moved his hand and he kept trying, that would worry me - although it's good that he took direction and listened when you articulalted it.

I think I get what you mean - that feeling like you're not just going with the flow, you're having to be hyper aware which means that you are not really 'feeling' the sex. I would say that when I feel I can trust a partner, I don't have to be drunk to feel that - so it may just be early days, or it may be that you are picking up something about him that isn't making you feel safe...

Did he grab your hair too?

No no he didn't grab my hair. Other people have in the past. It's a strong porn move I think

I think when I moved his hand I didn't do it very obviously until I said no. Then I felt him clearly go to do it again but stopped himself

Yeah it's the management. I wasn't drunk this time. I really need trust here!

Gah, Am enjoying banter with a man who is attractive, solvent and clearly wants a second date. But I don't think that there is a real future in it. Should I abandon ship? (as just discussed, I'm not so good at the just having sex for fun stuff )

Ok why not a future? Does he just want Fun?

To many incompatabilities - which are amusing at this point, but I can't see it working long term (politics, child-rearing, hobbies etc are all completely opposing)

If it's totally a no go I wouldn't waste my time, because of my well documented sex issues I probably wouldn't even have a ONS - but some other people might think he is perfect ONS material!

Morning Tinkerbellx

That sounds really lovely ... kind of like it's meant to be? How far away do you live from each other? Weekend away going to Xmas markets sounds lovely to me

Mr RL-NotQuietPlatonic is on his way over and will be here for a few hours before another friend tonight. He is staying for a couple of days and then we will be in a hotel with work together. Not sure what will happen this afternoon but have had the veet out just in case and matching under wear on . We are pretty perfect for each other and both agree that but there are a lot of complications that would make anything really substantial difficult. He is a best friend but really think we could do FWB and it not affect anything. Have frequent sexting .

Good luck to all those with dates today,
MyUser I hope you are ok
tinker sounds like an exciting weekend even if you don't take it further

God, I am beyond excited and he has said he is too. Have been grinning all morning.....

Good luck aintthat! Hope the veet usage comes in handy!

tinkerbell that is lovely! When's the weekend?

Tink, that sounds lovely, how exciting!!!

Baklava, hmmmm, I'm not sure what I'd do. The first chap I went out with, I knew there were no longer term feelings, but I was happy to have a few dates and moose burgers. Not sure now though, whether I'd do the same.

Aint, have a fantastic evening..........enjoy the part before the other friend turns up

Jarndyce227 Dadsnet277344, is that you?

Myuser I stopped my ex from holding my neck, as I just didn't like it. It's ok for you to say no to anything even part way through. He sounds like he was just trying to be 'exciting' though, so maybe tell him things you like, e.g. where to kiss. Fill his mind with ideas - "this really excites her" ideas.

Date two today was bizarre, started well part way through he seemed to switch off. I told him how I felt, that I would have been interested but he was showing no interest. Turns out he didn't understand that I was keen. Completely changed, back to his and he made me a meal. Kissing by end. I'm thinking thus man likes to be told what to do / what's going on.

Hmm, that is a little odd Lilac, glad the date turned around though.

No date for me tonight, I'm home with my poorly teenager. Seeing Mr 31 lots tomorrow though and am really looking forward to it.

Thanks Lilac

Actually can see how that happens, I think once you get a bit of doubt it can throw you, it's really good you just came out with what you thought - men probably get anxious about it too!

Thanks fluff and myuser, it's really unlike me. I had counselling after negative marriage and now find it easier to be more direct, but in my mind thinking "am I being bossy?". He definitely has some insecurities, but then appears to be fine when he knows how he stands.

Good luck with Mr31 fluff.

I think bossy is being nagging and unreasonable. I'm more direct than I ever used to be and no one has complained about it. I really need to be because you can just get swept up in things perhaps. If he carries on not really reading signs well it could be a bad sign but I suppose we all find it hard before you really know someone?

Evening all,
I have been away for a few days, sounds like there's been lots going on.

I had date number 4 with Mr Beard yesterday evening - we went to the cinema and then he came to mine for dinner.
We get on really well, discuss music, films, life etc.
BUT - NOTHING has happened yet - AT ALL
I have sat with my hand near his in the cinema, sat close to him on the sofa etc, but nothing at all. I know he finds me attractive - he told me so. I'm not sure if its nerves, he doesn't want to get it 'wrong' or is not confident, but, seriously!?!

He also told me a lot about his past - I am not sure if he was holding out from making a move to see my reaction to him.
Basically, he was/is an alcoholic who has not had a drink for 12 years. He was also in care aged 12-18,so, in his own words, he has a lot of baggage.
He has a good job, having retrained to work with addicts and is looking to read his PhD, has two kids who he has a great relationship with, works well with his ex as co-parents, is interesting and has great taste in movies/music.
I feel really strongly that I don't ever want to have to 'look after' anyone again, I'd like a partner rather than someone who needs parenting - not saying he does - but after my ex this is really important to me.
I like him, but I am confused and I am pretty sure this is why nothing physical has happened yet, so we don't get involved/invested in each other and then have the discussion.

I'm confused!!!

A simple FWB sounds ideal right now!

So I have my 2nd date with me birm tomorrow I was all for throwing the towel in on Friday, as he's such hard work with messaging .... But he redeemed himself today suggested coming over to me for a walk, he lives an hour away. Still waiting for my first date with me mountain bike he's away this weekend on stag weekend ..... Opposite to mr birm who tends to be lots of one line messages ... Mr mountain bike has me howling with laughter!!

Hygge, welcome back. Mr Beard sounds like he has a complicated past and like he has worked had led to turn things around. However, I do understand your hesitancy. Date 4 and not even a kiss?

Wingle, situation with Mr Mountainbike reminds me of mine with Mr Gosport. He makes me roar with laughter and our one date went brilliantly, but I'm not sure where it's going, if I'm OI again, or whether I accept I need to give it time.

I'm off to watch Mr 31 ref a footy match tomorrow afternoon.............I don't like football. However, it was sweet he asked and I can perve over his legs!! Then out for lunch

Thanks MrsFluff, yup - nothing!! And we have spent hours together.
This whole process is making me learn quite a lot about myself I think. I have been OLD again this evening, and have 'liked' a few more although not messaged - maybe tomorrow
I hope you have a great time with mr31 - I cannot stand football, but could easily look at lovely thighs for a morning ! Have you plans to see MrGosport again?
Good luck with MrBirm Wingletang; MrMoutainbike sounds like good fun!
Lilac, I have become a lot more direct since the end of my marriage too. Do you have plans to see him again?

We are meant to be meeting up, but his work plans have changed for the next few weeks, after which he'll have more free time. However, although I really like him, in a few weeks I'll have moved further on with my life. I really, really, like him, but I don't need a penpal and I don't see where it can go really.

Ohhh, sorry not to catch up with individual news, lots has been going on for lots of us it seems.

I'm just in from first date with new Mr Nuclear and boy were there sparks!!! It just goes to show step outside that comfort zone because his profile says 5'8 and normally my minimum is 5'11. We met at 5pm and I'm just home, it took literally ALL my willpower not to ask him back, we even snogged in the street for gods sake

Anyway, sorry not to comment on the more serious posts earlier but just needed to share tonight.

Good going forme glad you had a great night,