Online Dating ... and this is a thread for while we are waiting! Dating thread 109

[loobyloo1234]

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

So, I'm committed to meeting Mr Young this weekend even though I'm not feeling it.

Mr Wildcard wants to meet. I am more hopeful as we seem to have a similar kind of humour.

Over Mr Posh. Mr Wildcard seems more fun. :)

How did you end things, lastnicknamefree? Do you think he wants to give it another go?

Last what if the 27 year old was very short and wide? Or incredibly boring?

Another one of us just back from a date! First date with Mr Gin. Lovely guy bit not sure the spark is there. All of my dates seem to end up friend zoning. What am I doing wrong?! Fun tho and I'm def getting more confident meeting people. This is bird one I've met and it really didn't seem such a big deal. Just waiting for that feeling....

Third one not bird!

Crazycat1980 When Mr Wildcard asked if I could so Sunday, I briefly considered seeing him and Mr Young back to back. I really think (I may be wrong) that the first first date is the hardest. I'm not stressing about meeting new people now - I know I can do it. Now I just need to find the right one!

Wow, I'm getting on really well with My Wildcard. I can't see him until next week (due to being away this weekend) but I'm actually excited about this one. :) Always hard to tell from photos, but I think we might be a good match. Will have to wait and see...

Dadsnet277344 It works both ways. I got on really well with my last date, he said nice to meet me, then stopped replying to messages! Clearly it was a chemistry thing on his part.

Yeah and I'm sure you have several dozen other options online to fall back on.

Dadsnet277344 No, you're right, if one man rejects me, I shouldn't speak to any other man ever.

Missing my point a little there. It's ok, you'll have infinite options. I, or most men, simply won't. It takes weeks of effort just to get a few responses. You will get a dozen messages a day.

It's like you think women don't get ignored when they put themselves out there and send messages. It's a two way street.

I reply to most messages which involve actual words. Of course I ignore the ones which consist of "Hi", "Hi babes ur pretty" and variants thereof. Any messages which prove someone has read my profile tend to get a reply, apart from where the guy doesn't meet my basic criteria.

I guess it must be terrible to receive messages that don't meet your sky high standards. How awful that not every man jumps through endless hoops to impress you.

Yes, my high standards of being bothered to read my profile and have a similar outlook on life as me. I'm sorry, but after 8 years of living with an alcoholic, I don't see what is wrong with me trying to meet someone nice and frankly, I don't care if you're judging me for it.

I wonder if you come across as this bitter in your messages and that's why you're not getting the replies you want?

Haha, the perennial forum excuse for online dating. Bitterness is seeping through. Nope.

And the reason why you get so many messages just saying 'hi' is because you ignore so many messages that it's just nit worth us men wasting our time sending detailed, profile specific introductions. Like nearly every woman on those sites I'm sure your only criteria is height, looks and salary.

Ooh lucky us, we have a man coming to tell us how awful we are! Dad, there's only one person sounding bitter on this thread and it isn't any of the women.

Hi ladies, I had a second date with a guy last weekend. hes from a good distance away, so we met halfway. Booked individual accommodation but date went well and mooseburgers were served! At end of date, he asked about meeting this weekend and we agreed on the day and made provisional plans re the place. I get text from him last night telling me how busy his week has been and he's worn out and not up for travelling this weekend. No mention of rescheduling. So I just said that's fine, sounds like you've a lot on, etc. He replied again explaining how busy he was and saying thanks for being sound about it. But my gut is thst this is a brush off and I won't hear from him again - do you lot think I'm right?? If that's the case, I wish he'd just man up and say that he doesn't want to meet again, rather than bullshit excuses. I'm not too upset- I'd only met him twice and while he was nice I wasn't over-invested or anything, but the rejection after sex does sting a little!

Hi Sammy. It could be completely genuine or it could be a brush off. Could you ask, when does he fancy rearranging to and then see what sort of response you get? I can understand why you feel a bit rejected and that it stings

Hi mrsfluff, I wondered about sending a text like that, and also considered saying "pity about this weekend, was looking forward to it. I'm going to ask you out straight though if you're really busy or is it that you just don't want to meet again- if that's the case I'd much rather know for sure", but then I thought I might come across as a bit of a nutter. So I'm just going to leave it to him to get in touch now if he wants.

Dadsnet277344
Common curtesy has gone out the window I would agree with that. But I think a lot of people are fussier the 2nd time around because know being alone is not worse than being with the wrong one.

I've heard a few men say similar to Dadsnet to be honest. Even my quite good looking friend. Personally I think my good looking friend has a crap profile but he won't listen to me when I try to help. As in, I am a woman so I might have some helpful tips.
I do think the area you live in is a factor. I live between 2 giant cities so my 'pickings' seem to be never ending but it's very fast paced and guys want to move faster than me. I think if you live somewhere more remote it's harder.
Also you do have to consider how you are coming across - I've seen a few profiles that put me off on the words and you have to accept women will read and consider things more carefully and men tend to just jump in and go for it
That's just the way men/women seem to be
We over think things especially as we age but please don't make that into us being 'bad'. We all have kids to consider for gods sake!

I have no height restrictions on mine but again I hear it can be common for some women to almost have a shopping list on their profile or DP's and dont's

Morning all
Wowzers. All go last night wasn't it? Date with Toyboy went well. I'm now 6 weeks into this though and I still don't know how I feel. Not his fault. He's lovely. I guess I need to make a decision soon don't I?

Dadsnet - I actually see where you're coming from. Although I've only tried Tinder tbh so the chances of me ignoring a message are slim as I wouldn't swipe for them if I was going to ignore them? Height is important to me as I'm 5'8. It's shallow and ridiculous but I think that's probably my only real criteria to be with someone the same height or taller. I don't think we should be punished for that though. Salary isn't important to me at all tbh. Someone who has a job is good enough for me. Maybe you've come across the wrong women though, as you do sound quite bitter? What OLD sites are you on? Did you come on here for advice or just to knock us? Still not sure tbh

I'm shorter than you looby so for me height isn't a massive deal, ok I would love a 6ft 6 man god (Thor) but 3 inches taller is ok and makes no odds in my grand scheme but if I was a taller woman I think it really would matter more to me

I wish it wasn't an issue to be honest myuser but I was with my stupid bastard ex boyfriend for a long time and he was around the same height as me. I could never wear heels ... it's not a big deal to many I guess but for me, I just feel wider and less glam if I have to stick to heels all the time. That being said, if I met someone I really liked who was my height again, I wouldn’t rule them out obviously. It sounds shallow but if that’s my one criteria, is it that bad really?