Online Dating ... and this is a thread for while we are waiting! Dating thread 109

[loobyloo1234]

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

crazy basically how I felt, that I'm not angry, and I love him. That I know he is scared. Just how I felt. Was he really going to give up, for fear? That if breaking up is truly the right thing not to hang his head in shame. That I was also a dick too, and asked to be forgiven.
The most important thing I wrote was it's his, choice. Only he can change it.

Just how I felt.

Wow Evil those could be my words....
How long ago did you break up?
I've been Facebook stalking my ex and he seems to have joined singles groups to do activities we used to do together and it's makes me so sad.

Well over a month ago.

I did cut all my ties. No looking at pictures, or anything like that. I did have one night where i did look for his facebook page.
However I went cold turkey.

Me too - mid September.
How long were you together?

It was before September, around 6 months. Best six months I've had in a long time. I had so much fun!!! Id not been that happy for a very long time.

I had my doubts about NI businessman for various reasons and when he was going to meet the other week he cancelled saying he had a bad cold but earlier that say in the morning, which was fine as I had a bad cold too and was on the verge of cancelling.

This is just really off though and I just hope I can stay strong and not text him. He does have a very demanding job in the City where he can be in Jersey or Paris for work during the week just wish he'd have let me know if he was cancelling or delayed! He told me to ask for him in the pub as he was known there but I'm hardly likely to do that and checked the pub a few times and definitely not there, waited almost 40 minutes too.

lilac good your date let you know and rearranged.

Can I get some advice re widower. I'm supposed to be meeting him next Monday but he seems so safe and nice, it's not doing anything for me or putting me off or wanting to mess him around, is this because he is too nice I just don't know? Literally he whatsapps me In the morning and during the day then at evening and then a good night text.

Evil that was interesting what you wrote in the card. Cold turkey is the way to go.

Right I'll give background on NI Businessman.

Met him on OKC last June I think and we met for a drink not long after texting. He seemed really fun and nice. We went for a drink in a bar on a Friday night and he ended up buying me some thing like 10 vodka tonics (he had the same) which meant we were both completely trollied! He texted the next day or I think I texted and he texted me back. Then he wanted to take me away to a hotel in countryside for next date showed me pic and I thought that was too much too soon so said no. Then we went through texting and he rang me during the day too, various pics of him (normal!) or where he was and whatsapp chats mostly about his life etc. never got round to meeting up but he was away for 2 days every week in Paris to do with work (i think that's stopped now though) and he has children from previous relationships/marriage who he sees too. Then just before Christmas we arranged to meet again, he wanted to take me for drinks then hotel, it was all arranged but then I said I wanted dinner, he then came back with a really strange message saying something about that was what his colleague would do who was greedy (food) and he wasn't doing that, I'm not sure if he blocked me etc.

So after that I did the cold turkey, deleted everything, forgot about him. Then one day can't remember why I was locking at my iPhone and settings and came across archived chats and I just thought why not send him a friendly whatsapp tonics he replied. Turned out when I was drunk on our first and only date I'd playfully bitten him on the finger (don't ask!) and he thoughts maybe I was nuts so didn't pursue it and if that hadn't happened he would've gone out with me as a boyfriend. I did ask him why didn't he mention it before now and he said he didn't want to mention it and said he should have tried again but didn't want to make me feel bad. He admitted it was his fault for not trying/talking to me and apologised.

So then (this was in August) we were meant to meet for a drink but I was just about to go on holiday so said wild postpone. In between there's been sexting a bit. But he seems to "disappear". When I speak to him about this he says he isn't ignoring me just v busy (he has about 2 businesses in the city on the go, in office at 7am type of man). He shares pics of his daughter with me, the beach in NI where he has his holiday home, has shown me a painting of his holiday home and tells me stuff he's been up to, so quite chatty. So recently we were going to meet up but he had a bad cold and cancelled in the morning which is fine as I had a really bad cold and was going to cancel too. And then he arranges to meet me tonight and nothing!

Can anyone here make sense of that? I think it's not good but I don't get, why do you send me pics of stuff personal to you, chat etc... Arrange to meet. If he wanted to blank me for good fine that's what other men do. Maybe I'm stroking his ego.

Thanks for reading quite long!!!

Evil I get you when you say you had so much fun even it wasn't for long I had that about 3-4 years ago with Folkestone Lad for 4 months and like you say I'd hadn't been that happy for a long time like you, that was a head case relationship though, posted about it here!

When I say last June I mean June 2015!

Evil I was with my ex for just over a year and also it was the happiest I had been in a long long time. I am so tempted to do what you did and give it one last go... but then another bit of me says if he wants me he knows where I am...

Super if you like somone it doesn't matter if they bite your finger whilst 'playing about" very drunk. I assume you're not a vampire and didn't take it off!? It sounds very odd to me. He should have just met you and been straight. It's not you, it's him!

I've suggested the 'playing about' as it does happen when drunk

SuperFlyHigh - he sounds married !
My ex was on OKC, his profile pic was him in his wedding suit, you could see my veil and ear if you looked closely enough!
Maybe I am cynical and brutal but if I am not added on FB and staying at his place within two/three dates it's assumed he's up to something

So I've hung on for mr birm to ask me on another date and hasn't so I've just asked him again, ..... Yes lovely. It's beginning to feel a bit like hard work, and he's leaving it up to me when and I guessing I've got to pick where too!! Mr mountain bike can now drive, but is away this weekend so hopefully will sort date next week

Mr Posh has definitely given me the brush off. Ignored my text and was online so clearly hunting for a better woman. Hrmph.

Mr Young wants to meet up. I'm just not feeling it. But he seems persistent (which is nice after Mr Posh) and I don't definitely not like him.

Had a new message from someone who had clearly read my profile and clicked. He got me and was asking me out for a drink straight away. But looking at his photos I just can't imagine being attracted to him. Such a shame.

Another guy messaged me with hardly any words and plenty of smilies. Not happy with that. He looks potentially cute but a little like someone I dated previously who turned out to be a real selfish jerk.

Mr Teacher I have given up on. I wasn't massively invested in him anyway.

Just not feeling it!

Morning Pringle. If I were you, I would definitely be tempted to meet Mr Young. With the other chap that messaged you, is it an absolutely not attracted to him, or a not my usual type? If its the latter, it might be worth a few messages, to see how you get on?

evil for what it's worth, I think you did the right thing. If he comes back, knowing how you feel, then there's something to go on.
If not, you will walk on knowing you stepped up and asked for what you wanted.

Morning, Mrsfluff!

Absolutely not attracted to him physically. The killer was where he admits in his profile he's not ambitious at all. I like a bit of drive.

Thinking about Mr Young. Hard to tell from his photos whether I would be attracted to him in real life. It's one of those where it could go either way! Not sure how much we would have in common but he does sound nice and I want more nice in my life.

Whilst attraction can grow, I do think there needs to be an initial interest, so I personally would meet him.

Mr Young, however, I would. I think nice is an underrated quality a d its definitely something Im looking to have in my life.

Mr 31 was meant to be coming round tomorrow evening, as my teen was due to be out. It appears she now has tonsillitis, so won't be going anywhere - I'm gutted! I'm going to suggest a drink instead, so at least we can see each other

It's an interesting one how much to go on initial attraction from photos. When I think about my ex, I wasn't instantly attracted to him the minute I met but as I got to know him over he course of an evening (we met in RL) the attraction started to grow from spending time together. I don't think it was until our second proper date that I really began to fancy him.

Morning all! Good subject the initial do you fancy them from pics and should you meet if not attracted..
I've had all scenarios. Ones who looked really attractive in pics, loads on profile and just SURE I would fancy them in RL but nope. Didn't look like photos of just no chemistry. Then I've had the opposite where I wasn't sure I would fancy them, actually didn't think I would but either they looked a lot better in RL and the date was a pleasant surprise or they were just "ok" but the attraction grew as they were funny and we clicked personality wise!
My motto is just go for a date, one coffee or drink won't hurt and you just can't tell

I don't think you can judge on initial photo attraction and I wouldn't advise it!

Is pof down? Can't log in (I never log out!) and it's not recognising my email address to send a password reminder. Any ideas?

It was down earlier, yes!