Online Dating ... and this is a thread for while we are waiting! Dating thread 109

[loobyloo1234]

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

Oh god the crazy are out in force tonight. Just had one message me a few times. I briefly replied. Then ignored. He then sent a message asking if he'd offended me as he had spotted I had been online and hadn't replied (after say 30 mins).
I then replied briefly I was tierd and off to bed.
He then sent creepy message saying he had met someone (me 🙀) that he really wants to get to know and wishes he had met me sooner so he could celebrate his birthday with me this weekend as he is spending it alone.

So 99% of me is saying BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK but then a bit of me feels. As and sorry for him.

Also re read his profile and he doesn't work. Not to be too judgemental but.....

Am I horrid or do I need to be more horrid?

Pringle That is confusing but does suggest he wants to maintain contact of some sort. Have you replied?

Crazycat1980 Be more horrid. Chasing up a message after 30 minutes late at night is creepy. The content of that message is even more creepy.

You can do better. Next.

Forme2016 Yay! for teatime mooseburgers! how were they?

I love Chester. Anybody else in the northwest or north midlands and fancy a meet-up in november?

I need a shove to register on Tinder & Bumble. Im over invested in Audi Driver and need to get some more irons on the go as a diversion. He's made no secret of the fact that he doesnt want anything serious but Im starting to get attached as he's so damned hot.

No gets rid!

Lovely to meet you is polite way of asking you if you enjoyed it??

Crazycat1980 I basically mirrored his message at him. If he wants to meet me again, he can bloody well say so. He was lovely and I would see him again to make sure that there was no spark, but because I didn't feel anything, I wouldn't chase him for a second date, IYKWIM.

Ohhhhh. I don't UNDERSTAND MEN.

Good plan Pringle

Right I am going to block the odd one.
I will probably go to hell but he was creepy

singleandfabulous Would you be happy with something that wasn't serious or are you secretly hoping he'll change his mind? One is OK. The other is not.

Gone - phew.

If you 'blacklist' on Match that's it right?

Myusernameismyusername It was pretty clear we both enjoyed talking to each other. That message brings nothing new to the table! What was less clear was if there was anything physical there on his part. Physical is important, I think.

Is he the shy type?

Myusernameismyusername Yes, the conversation flowed really easily, but I think he's naturally shy and very chivalrous. I'm not sure he would have tried to have initiated any contact even if he did like me.

Have I misjudged this? Should I send him another message in the morning asking if he'd like to meet up again?

Ha. Look at all this confidence that's come out of nowhere.

Aw bless him. I'm just picturing him having sent that message now all confused himself about the little corner he has found himself in and maybe hoping you would bail him out with some more ballsy response!

I think it's a hard one because in the one hand you want him to show the initiative but on the other, who knows whether he has the confidence or is just as confused.
I suppose it hinges on how upset you will be if it's a no response?
If right now it's a good either way then not much to lose!

Second dates can be a good way of seeing if there is anything there.... you have nothing to lose

Well, I'm still thinking about him, but I think that's just because I'm naturally obsessive and I have no closure on how he feels!

Maybe I should just message him. I mean, if he knocks me back, I wasn't planning on seeing him again anyway. Right?

If he did actually want to see me again but was being too shy, I wouldn't have a problem with that, because he was otherwise so very lovely during the date. I just wish I knew. AAAAAAAAAAARGHHHH. MEN.

Going to sleep on it.

FFS. How does ANYONE attempt OLD without all this handholding? HOW?

I did not fancy Mr Shy that much remember? But the date was great. It's worth the 2nd to really see. Also we had zero sex chemistry. I think we were just being grown up and polite. We do have it now

Myusernameismyusername The more I think about it, the more I think he is really shy and I didn't give him enough indication as to whether I would be open to a second date. Right, if he doesn't message me back first, I will send him a message (in the morning, it's late) and ask if he fancies doing it again sometime. Oh, I'm awful. I am awful.

He cut it short, but he cut it short after pretty much bang on an hour which is what all those shitty dating columns on the internet say to do on a first date. I bet he's been reading those shitty columns too.

Let's do this. I will message him and we will find out conclusively whether he likes me or not. Hell, at this point I'm willing to take the rejection just for the definitive answer.

I think that getting on great and nice convo is very important - it's ok to have the clothes ripping feelings but generally we have all been fooled by films of lust and love at first sight! Some things are more slowly burning and take time so you shouldn't rule someone out on a first date unless:

1. You cringe
2. You cannot wait to escape them

Myusernameismyusername I think I ruled myself out. I really am shit at this. Definitely texting him in the morning.

Haha at ruling yourself out that is not on the list!!!

Pringle how about something like "Good morning X, keep thinking how entertaining / interesting our date was. What did you think?" (Or "how do you feel?" at end).

If he's positive again suggest date 2 as you sound 50:50 and another date would help you decide?

Myusernameismyusername Like I said, shit at this!

Seriously, how does anyone attempt OLD on their own? It's taken me ages to build up the confidence to create a profile, to reply to messages, to meet someone... And then the first person I've met, I've automatically assumed thinks I'm interesting but too fat to ever see in a romantic way.

(I'm not actually a big fat whale, but he was clearly in better physical shape than me. He goes to the gym. I walk past gyms.)

Lilacpink40 You're probably right. I need to be more obvious to find out whether he's remotely interested in a second date.