Foof glad your new man will be at the fireworks with you, but it doesn't lessen the pain of dd not being at your side. Have a little silent tear, fireworks often make me cry anyway, but then I'm a big wuss!
Given what was agreed at mediation, can't you now inform him that you no longer work weekends so it will be eow. How can he argue against that (I know a narc can argue the sky is green, but I mean a proper reason?)
Greencar I think I'd try and get a bit more info. Depending on what you think the problem is, you have every right to bring it up. I'm damn sure he would if the situation was reversed. For starters, it blows his ridiculous secret gf out of the water. You don't have a right to know about his private life, but you do have the right to know if he's introducing another adult to your dc on a regular basis whom they're uncomfortable with. It's irrelevant that it's a gf, it could be a family member, friend, neighbour, so don't let him play the jealousy card.
And YOU have not made a mess. Stop being so hard on yourself. Life is messy, whatever happens, we've just been unlucky to meet these men and now we're doing our best. Don't carry their blame.
Purple I think the muddled mind is years of all those things you say. I'm watching my friend struggling to convince herself that she's allowed to throw the book at her dp. He's having an affair in plain sight, now out in the open, but refusing to leave the home. He's lying to her, gas lighting, manipulating, trying every trick in the book. She's so ground down she has to check her reality with me and others. I told her that it was ok to stop actually being his dp, cooking for him, doing his washing, giving him lifts etc. I could see she was unsure if this was true. She's intimidated by him, and he knows it. She literally doesn't know which way is up 