OhFor - I get that, wanting them to see everything, to feel everything. My take on my situation is that if he was the kind of person who could do that, he wouldn't have behaved the way he did. If you can behave really badly, you're unlikely to be self-reflective, remorseful, etc. The normal rules don't apply to them because they don't act normally. So I don't apply a test of reasonableness, they're not reasonable.
So for me acceptance of the facts. Acceptance that they're other, different, wrong. Forgiveness is for myself, for not seeing things clearly, for hoping for the best, for seeing the best in people. No forgiveness for them. That would be like forgiving an apple for being a pear - it just doesn't have any relevance.
Homely - with the birthday party this year, to change things now would probably make things worse. Best foot forward, then next year, nothing. He can do his own thing.
Ohb0llocks welcome aboard. What does your ds think about his dad coming back into his life, or is he very young?
My dd just told me that twat won't be coming to an important event she has coming up. She dithered and said she hadn't really told him in time, and now he was doing something important and it was private, he couldn't tell her what.
I told her that was nonsense. She'd told me a couple of weeks ago he'd said it depends etc, so he did know about it. I said he was just disorganised and useless. And as for an important event, I asked her what could he possibly have to do more important than the event? She shrugged, and said she wasn't really bothered. I said I don't blame you, we'll all be there to support you. We then had fun making up different things he could be doing.
I know why he's not going. Cause I'll be there, amongst my friends and family, enjoying myself. Something he can't do. Tough luck twat.