support thread for those of us having to 'co-parent' with a narc or very difficult exh 2

[Lilacpink40]

Hope this works...

Totally agree with OhFor about dc's birthdays. I organised them all before, still do now. He's not invited, can do his own thing. He just about manages a present and a get together at his family. He gets to see them on the day at some point, dc are happy with that.

2012 sorry it's been a tough one. Definitely don't tell him when you get the broadband back, stuff him. Glad Halloween was good.

Can I sneak into your suitcase Frog? Hope the holiday gives you a lift. Sounds like you've really been through the mill with your health. Ex being nice! Hard hat on, sound the alarm, enter air raid shelter.

Well, Heart Jump man. No show . I did drive past him early this morning, he's obviously helping his dd out with some child care (another tick in his favour). He glanced at the Duster Mobile, did that kind of trying to place a face out of context thing. I didn't wave, just tried to look enigmatic . So, will have to get thinking cap on.

Enigmatic in the Duster Mobile

Called ex so DD could talk but she ran away and refused to talk to him but I decided to leave the phone on speaker and be quiet and just see how long it would take him until he gave up... He was telling her he got her lots of lollipops and when he heard no reply he kept asking why she is angry with him so told him at that point that she had run off and wasn't listening. And explained to him she might be upset with him because he refuses to come to supervised visits and had to explain to him for the hundredth time that not visiting her when he can is bad for her and bad for him (in the eyes of the court) but he refuses to believe me. My lawyer is going to phone his lawyer to ask him to explain these things to ex.
He also admitted he changed his doctor but won't inform the social workers so they can't check with his new doctor if he's following treatment or not.

Oh god Natsku delusional just doesn't cover it, does it?! You must feel like you're dealing with a cartoon character, but not in any way funny.

Good grief, Natsku - sounds like she is way better off without him.

Dusters - I can make room...

It is a bit like I'm dealing with some kind of cartoon character. OH likens it to dealing with a petulant child. I just wouldn't be able to believe it if I wasn't experiencing it!

2012 you're the great, brilliant mum who put her DC's needs first. You were right the first time, he should "grow up and parent... properly". Narcs are so good at making others feel guilty whist breezing through their entitled lives. Grrr

Maybe next time keep it to a simple "he's your dad and he's due to see you tonight" as your DC is still fairly young? Then if he reports bad behaviour, as others have suggested try something like "that's sad, it's not nice when people aren't friendly / polite / caring".

Dusters can you email Mr Heartjump's business and ask him for advice. He may suggest coffee, or agree to help, then you can offer to buy coffee to thank him?

Nat if only a cartoon...bit of a spit and wipe he'd be gone
I don't like spitting usually so this is me also feeling angry towards him for you

Frog good on you for organising a holiday. It's no easy feat!

I'm now nervous of dates. The men seem nice, normal and keen. I'm just thinking they'll think I'm not good enough. Big confidence wobble

Oh don't doubt yourself lilac you are bloody brilliant so don't go thinking that they'll think you're not good enough. The ones that think that aren't any good anyway (because they're twats usually!).

Lilac - that's the WN whispering in your subconscious.

I prescribe 1 can of WN Away - works better than Cillit Bang!

Oh Thank you lilac 🌻.
I think the whole thing about finance and ds going there again (after a lovely - peaceful) week I hate having any kind of re-connection to X .
I would definitely buy several cans of "w/n-bang-bang".

Thanks frog. I can be your au pair/bag carrier/drinking partner !

Yes Lilac, I may have to pretend I need his services (!!). I kind of do, but only in my home, not my business (god this sentence is turning into a Carry On film!). It's something I wouldn't usually pay for, but I could make an exception.

Part of me thinks just leave the poor guy alone. He looks pretty sorted, the last thing he needs is me crashing into his life with more baggage than Terminal 5. Like you my confidence in myself in this regard is a bit battered. I think I'm pretty good at relationships, I just have fairly bad taste when it comes to choosing the person to have the relationship with!

w/n-bang-bang

There's a whole army of cleaning products just waiting to be invented.

"Having trouble getting rid of those ground in w/n stains? Have you tried everything? Grey Rock, no contact, fire with fire, a sledgehammer? Then you need Wipe A Wanc Narc. It's new improved formula means you never have to go to the CMA or court again. Just one wipe and the stain is gone forever. (Available at all good Pest Control Centres or at www.nukethatnarc.com)"

WIPE A WANC NARC!!! 😂😂😂😂

That is the first time I've truly laughed in weeks!!!

I'm so glad Frog. My work on this earth is complete! (Goes off to practice looking enigmatic.....)

Haven't rtft at all.

Got four kids. Two live with ex, two with me. It's so hard.

I need a hug.

Let me offer one reader77 I know there'll be more along soon.

Frog reporting for duty:

Reader, consider yourself in the middle of a hug-scrum.

Do you want to talk about it?

Dusters - enjoy the triumph!

Hi all, just checking back in, clearly at the right time with 'Wipe a Wank Narc' brilliant dusters!

I'm having a super tough time with court looming, my nerves and anxiety are really killing me, no appetite, can't sleep, worry, worry, worry etc. WN has an opportunity to make a deal and avoid court.. as much as I wish and stupidly - I should have learnt by now hope. I don't think he will. I may drift in and out for a bit - apologies. I am literally just getting through the days anyway I can.

I am feeling a bit proud of myself from being a tearful gibbering wreck after the latest instalment from him, I channeled a lovely wonderful v positive friend of mine who has cancer, and pulled myself together for Trick or Treat. We had a ball. Kids loved it and it was a real escape for an hour or so and was actually lovely to see friends and neighbours I haven't seen for a while. In essence it did me good I think.

I feel so horribly on edge at the moment. I wouldn't wish pointless, soul destroying, emotionally and financially draining court proceedings on any one.

I am also going to name change and wondering how to discreetly let you know..

Thank you. I was having a wobble. Son is 16 tomorrow and not here with me. They live abroad. I'd sent some stuff over with a relative and just got told she 'wasn't allowed' to give it to them. The sheer cruelty and spite just floors me.

I'm so sorry others are dealing with this too. My people!

Hi Reader
Having DCs in another country must be so hard. Then to not be able to send gifts is salt in the wound. for you.

Do you get to visit them and can I ask how they're away?

reader77.... hugs..... why is your situation such that two live with ex?

Thanks everyone for messages about dating. I'm going to give myself a prep talk before I see them.
I'll study carefully for red flags too!

Complicated (of course). They wanted to live with their dad. One is an adult now. It's just horrible all round.

Welcome reader. You're in good company.

I am ROFL at Wipe a Wank Narc
Genuius dusters

So my day has been very mixed.
I collected children from school. I couldn't have him barging in upsetting them. Head was great.

I've decided to call it in and have a couple of officers due tomorrow to take a statement. I'm going to ask it gets sent to the Dom V unit whatever they are called. It's a start. I can always stop it.

I think it was Nat advised to have some access court order and I'm beginning to think along the same lines. Except my kids don't want to go. Having not slept properly in a week, I'm praying for respite tonight.

Purple you have my sympathy on that front. No sleep. No appetite.

And then......
I just had a fabulous date. Been messaging a week and talked a few times. Really liked him. And hooray. He's pretty damn hot. Such a relief.

I don't know what to say purple, except that we'll still be here rooting for you as you pop in and out. This sounds selfish but I feel cross we might lose you from the thread, if only temporarily, because of him. Totally understand though. As for the name change, there's something 3 of the regular posters have in common with their name? Perhaps this could be something for you to consider with your new name?

Reader spite is the word I often find myself thinking and saying. People ask why would he do that, I say out of spite. Could your parcel be left at a pick up point, and you could let your ds know that it's there? I know that doesn't address the point of the refusal, or lessen the blow.

Good to hear you sounding so determined dung. Not nice actions for you to have to take, but it sounds like you've had enough and are ready to sort things out. Hopefully having settled some things in your mind sleep will come.

Your date sounds fab. Think you'll need a name change to HotandBothered! How great that in the midst of all this you can still make that sort of connection. Just shows what a strong person you are.