Chuckle Oh, Cockwomble sounds like a prince among men. What a thing to say to your dd. Notice it's the event you took her to she's talking about though. Yes, stepping up and being Dad of the Year. If they were any more transparent you could see right through them - oh, hang on, we can !!
My friends dp has just been exposed, by her, for having an affair. He's minimising, refusing to leave the family home, and guess what? For the first time ever he's taking the kids trick or treating tonight. I'm likely to bump into him - am looking forward to it. Hoping to make him feel like he wished he'd bumped into a killer clown instead 
2012 my ex ignores my texts if he feels like it. I just check later with the kids when I know he's with them. They're never anything important, just arrangements, so he's put on the spot by me asking my dd on her phone to ask dad xxx. Sometimes works, sometimes doesn't. Also love the sound of your new friend, sounds like a keeper. Some people just get it, she obviously does.
Frog Is there a way you can think of your time with your ex in a way that makes it more bearable? I adored my ex. We laughed a lot, had loads of fun, he was always happy for me to have my own friends and social life (which of course he should have been). I felt very loved and secure. But like you there were red flags. He did/does have a very cold side. He couldn't empathise on lots of things. I used to think he's my partner, but not my best friend. He was largely a good dad, but better when things went his way and the dc behaved in the way he expected. Very high expectations of people.
I believe this good side was real, and this side of him came to the fore when we were together. I don't think it was a lie. However, the nasty side was always there, but when we were happy it was dormant. Now things haven't gone his way I can only see the nasty side. My way of dealing with it (I think I've said this before) is to see him like two people. The man I loved and who I know loved me, and the one who now picks up the dc from the street. I allow myself fond memories, remind myself some people never have those, then draw a line.
I've given up trying to work out why he threw it all away. I'll never know, don't think he does. If he threw himself on the floor and begged for my forgiveness, I still couldn't be with him, because I've seen too much. It''s like the genie is out of the bottle. I don't think the man you met frog can come back, because he turned into the person you now know well, and who has caused you so much pain. It's hard to admit to yourself that you ignored warning signs, I ignored some. So really that ideal person you miss was never really available to you. It was a cut and paste of the best bits, with a dollop of hope that all would be well.
Like you I'll always miss the good bits and the nice side. I'm sure he did love you, but if someone falls out of love because their partner hits a rough patch, that's not a love you need, certainly not one that can last.
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