support thread for those of us having to 'co-parent' with a narc or very difficult exh 2

[Lilacpink40]

Hope this works...

Dd is doing the exercises on her new app. I'm watching and not offering to join in - if I do a press up my elbows will probably collapse!

Getting ready for X factor at 8. There's a great thread on here under Telly Addicts which runs throughout the show - better than the show itself.

Both dc had a friend for a sleepover last saturday, so tonight is heaven in comparison.

Didn't see your post purple, you are amazing too. That social worker is right, they should hang their heads in shame. If it wasn't so serious it'd be funny that they lie to each other.

going to have nightmares tonight at the thought of two of ex

Greencar did you have "the chat" the other day with your dp? If I remember correctly you felt he wasn't being straight with you/avoiding the conversation.

This thread never fails to surprise me with the sheer shittiness of some men. Ex's getting together to gang up against the ex - ffs!!

I feel strangely cold about everything at the moment. I'm a bit worried that I've become too much of an ice queen . I was discussing a bad situation with my lovely dad the other day. I was very matter-of-fact, quite dispassionate. He said I know you're very hard these days Dusters, that's how you've got through all this...." I don't think I want to be that person.

I mentioned a few days ago about the nice man I know a little through work. Didn't bump into him as usual last week, felt quite disappointed. Saw him fleetingly yesterday, and felt my heart jump a little. So fingers crossed I haven't turned into an unfeeling old trout.

I just ate a salad and I'm drinking some wine. Can't cook any proper dinner as I painted the kitchen floor so can't go in there (luckily can reach the fridge from the doorway). DD just went to bed (still wide awake though). She had a long phone call with ex today, I just went to a different room so I wouldn't have to hear his voice.

Natsku I love that in the past 2 days you have prioritised wine over food! Am impressed at the salad. After the fish finger sandwich yesterday I had them again for tea - will need to stock up.

Right, off to see how Honey G's doing on the X Factor !!

Don't think I've ever had a fish finger salad.

Wine is better than dinner anyway! Shall eat some pizza flavour crisps soon - that's almost like eating a pizza which counts as dinner.

dusters I tried, still not much the wiser. I'm half thinking I'm being strung along and should cut it off now, but it would be a loss and I worry that the effects of WN are making me read things too negatively.

Do you think you'll do anything about heart jump man? Do you know much about him?

There are fish fingers in the freezer, I feel a sandwich coming on.

Pizza flavour crisps?? Never mind the narc advice, this thread is a food revelation!

Natsku- what colour have you painted the floor?

Dusters - funny you should say that, about being 'closed off'. My counsellor the other day said the same thing about me - I'' telling my story as if I'' detached from it. Coping mechanism, I guess?

Green - thank you. I don't feel strong.

Purple - they do love their flying monkeys, don't they? Mine has enlisted the help of my estranged mother.

Thought of two narc ex's is nightmare. I have respect for thise coping with that situation

Dusters why not flirt a bit with mr heartrush? It's a good distraction if nothing else!

Sat night highlight for me is flirting on whatsapp. I'll meet new man tomorrow in person and it may end abruptly, but for moment I'm mentally creating fantasy Ex's can't kill our imaginations!

Painted it a nice warm red

This thread makes me so hungry with all the talk of food! Pizza crisps were good, anyone else remember the short-lived run of pizza flavour Skips?

Checking in also..... I hate the idea of DC going overnight. I realise many might criticise me for this, however, ex is useless. It's all about doing what he wants and taking DC as a prize. When I offer what DC wants to do when with him, it is ignored and DC is plonked, boredwith his family.

Nat love the colour!

Homely it is hard to know how useless and selfish they can be isn't it?

What a lovely colour .. I'm most impressed with the level of diy.

We had fish fingers for teA. Totally forgot about the sandwich .
Did buy a tin of quality streets from sainsburys today. They SMELL sooooo GOOD . And taste DE-lish-usssss .

Homely - no criticism on here for you not wanting overnights with a useless ex !

Natsku - fab floor. Is that the same floor you were breaking up concrete on? Don't remember pizza flavoured Skips, sounds like a work of genius though. Do love a Skip, but I think Scampi Fries are the king of the seafood world inspired crisp!!

Lilac Quick work, meeting tomorrow?! Can we have a Sunday night update?

greencar - I live in a small community. He lives near to me, but I've only ever seen him sporadically. I used to notice him before, but he was clearly with someone, had grown up children. First actually met him about 6 months ago, thought he seemed nice.

About a month ago a neighbour mentioned him. Said it was so sad, he and his wife had parted. Their marriage had run it's course but they were friends, and had wanted to stay as a family until the kids had left home and were settled. They did so, then earlier this year (I think) she moved out.

All of that (if accurate) indicates a pretty decent guy. I should imagine though it's early days for him, so for now I'll just see what happens next time our paths cross.

Frog - I think you're right, it's a coping mechanism. I can discuss things that happen/ed to me now without really feeling the attached emotion. It's odd, but useful. Not sure it's very healthy though!

I've discovered I really like DIY, thinking I should consider a change in career path! But it is rather annoying having to use a temporary kitchen in the play room.

Almost out of wine, its terrible!

Yeah same floor dusters have been working hard on it, feel very proud of myself.

Haven't had scampi fries in years!

Natsku I love that colour! Most impressed here too.

dusters that does indeed sound promising. Look at how they are with exes and all that. If nothing else a little bit of heart skipping does you good

lilac ooh yes I second the request for a Sunday night update! Good luck!

homely no judgement here. I feel the same and know the sickening worry that comes with it. Anyone who judges you can't possibly have the understanding or insight, so - and I mean this gently, as a simple fact - their opinions aren't all that relevant as they're not coming from an informed place.

Can I join please?
I have managed to cut all ties with my controlling narcissistic ex , but only after I involved the police because he hit my dd. I have a thread on it. I've been completely nc with him since June and it's been lovely, however dd is struggling.
I hated my dd going over to his as I knew how abusive he could be, but never actually believed he would turn on her like he did me.
Now dealing with his horrible controlling parents.

Hello duck, as you can see we're wide ranging tonight - DIY, food, dating -and of course narcs.

Glad you have the peace of nc, but that sounds horrendous with your dd. Does she still see him, and where do his parents fit in to all this?

No she hasn't seen him since June, since the police and social workers were involved. He was charged but hasn't went further as yet.
I allowed contact with his parents to continue even though they made it clear they didn't think he had done anything wrong. A couple of weeks ago when dd was visiting, they invited ex over to their home. Dd ended up locking herself in the bathroom until I could get there to remove her.
Although I have peace from him, Im having trouble with the parents. They cannot see what he has done wrong, or how damaging they are being by openly defending him to my dd.
I remember reading some of the 1st thread, hadn't realised until now this was a2nd one and that you have all been discussing other, cheerier subjects

Oh duck that's awful. Not that you're NC, but that he hit your poor DD and his parents are reinforcing that behaviour. We've talked a bit here about family influences on narc behaviour, it's not exactly surprising to read but still terrible. How do you and DD feel about contact with them continuing?

And don't worry about the topic. All sorts goes on here, this was just a bit of Saturday night relief except me, I'm a misery guts tonight and may have scoffed a lot of quality street

Duck, that is awful. Your poor child and you, I'm sorry for all that you have been through and going through.

I just don't know how to stop overnights. Thank you so much for your kind messages. I'm told I can't unless there is abuse. I hate watching DC face drop knowingly when something cannot be done/gone to.

Dd is really confused. She loves her family and misses them but at the same time she is incredibly hurt by their actions. She attends counselling weekly and I really hope it'll help her.
Her gran kept sending her texts telling her how much her dad missed her, and was telling her that it was me that was being damaging as I was stopping contact.
I'll see if I can find the link to my recent thread, full details on there.