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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

right, he's got a locked chest with sex videos of his ex's.

180 replies

ashamedbeyondcompare · 07/02/2007 16:03

This morning whilst cleaning up - I found a key, which i recognised...

We have a locked wooden box in our spare room, which has had a padlock on since we moved in, Ive never known what was in it and I've never really been bothered, til now, i'm fuming!

This key I found fits the lock, to my horror its full of videos of my DP and his ex girlfriends, and pictures of them, naked and doing things to each other. It actually made me sick.

What the hell do I do, Im distraught... right now I just want to pack his bags and kick him out as soon as he gets home from work.

Im a regular by the way, and ive got a young baby, please help me I am so upset...

OP posts:
wurlywurly · 07/02/2007 22:12

actualyy, I would take a few of the pictures and randomly send them to him, at work, at home, care of his parents address etc etc, then deny all knowledge if he asks.

WWWCampbellBlack · 07/02/2007 22:19

Can I nominate "fk me I've seen her arse in a whole new light" for quote of the week please?

SmileysPeople · 07/02/2007 22:20

Why is it difficult to ignore the 'unconvincing aspects'. Just don't post and igniore the thread.
Surely that is better than potentially hurting sone one who is genuinley distraught?

It is on trust, and if you don't trust it don't give support, but equally just leave it to avoid upset.

Is there some MN prize for the first person to spot a troll that I don't know about? 'Cos I don't get it.

The whole of Mn is on trust, anyone could be lying at anytime, and beleive me life is often MUCH stranger than fiction.

Pann · 07/02/2007 22:21

and which 'publication' would this be a quote of the week for? Go on, tell me.

Pann · 07/02/2007 22:22

that's one approach, SP.

SmileysPeople · 07/02/2007 22:23

A kinder approach I feel.

WWWCampbellBlack · 07/02/2007 22:23

Pann, I meant the mn quote of the week, here

Pann · 07/02/2007 22:24

A POV, SP.

Pann · 07/02/2007 22:25

oh I see!!!! Sorry.

mumto3girls · 08/02/2007 13:11

Ashamed...how are you today?

wurlywurly · 08/02/2007 14:51

any news today ashamed???

Original poster
ashamedbeyondcompare · 08/02/2007 16:39

When I got off here last night, I took LO over to my sister's as I didnt want to have an argument with her around. When he got home I handed him the key and a black bin bag, he looked at me blankly then accused me of going through his personal things, which wasnt the most tactile thing for him to come out with.

I gave him the choice of keeping either the keys to our house or the key to the box, needless to say after a long pathetic argument, I cleared out the box and burnt all the contents on the bonfire. He's barely speaking to me now as apparently I have abused his trust.

What really got to me was that during our argument he was trying to prove to me that there was nothing between the ex and him any longer and showed me his phone, he had 30 odd texts from her in the last couple of weeks! Admittedly they dont sound over love related or any thing, but the fact they split up 4 years ago, and apparently aren't even mates, why have they been in so much contact with each other|?

When I'd picked LO up and come home, he was asleep in the spare room, this morning he didnt say a word and he just went to work.

Havent heard from him all day and now I feel guilty.
O, and to all those who have been taking the piss - thank you so much, really, I honestly wich this wasnt happening to me right now, believe me it really isnt on my list of things to joke about.

OP posts:
MascaraOHara · 08/02/2007 16:42

He's emotinally cheating on you at the very least but if it were me I'd say "He's shagging her"

divastrop · 08/02/2007 16:43

why do you feel guilty if hes texting his ex who he happens to have sex tapes of?

OrmIrian · 08/02/2007 16:50

How can you be abusing his trust? He had locked bluebeard's chest so you wouldn't find the things.... how's that trusting?

He's feeling guilty and embarrassed and doesn't know what to say.

OrmIrian · 08/02/2007 16:50

How can you be abusing his trust? He had locked bluebeard's chest so you wouldn't find the things.... how's that trusting?

He's feeling guilty and embarrassed and doesn't know what to say.

juicychops · 08/02/2007 16:51

You have nothing to feel guilty about! thats how he wants you to feel. yeah, it was his private stuff, but god, if my dp had stuff like that i would go crazy!! especially as he had looked at it recently. He should be pleading for forgiveness, not the other way around. Hes just feeling sorry for himself now because you found it all and destroyed it. If he keeps it up, you need to ask yourself why all this stuff meant so much to him in the first place

You did the right thing

OrmIrian · 08/02/2007 16:51

????

Original poster
ashamedbeyondcompare · 08/02/2007 16:55

I suppose I feel guilty because we are both quite private people, we share things obviously, but we still have our own individual things, and i dont like to prie into his life, as normally i just get barked at, and now ive broken his trust.

OP posts:
sazzybee · 08/02/2007 16:56

I would be very surprised if many of the women on those tapes would be pleased to know that your DH still had them.

He'll calm down - it's the refuge of the guilty man to act all defensive.

ssd · 08/02/2007 17:03

he sounds like a real arsehole

hope you get your head round this and get it sorted, for your and your baby's sake

keep posting here when you need support and ignore any doubters

we're all behind you

Original poster
ashamedbeyondcompare · 08/02/2007 17:08

yeah, can I ask please why have those people been doubting me? I dont understand, ive usee these boards for ages, and I have never come across people accusing posters as lyers.

OP posts:
DetentionGrrrl · 08/02/2007 17:08

i suppose he'd love to find a stash of videos of you shagging your ex's then?

Old letters or the odd photo is one thing, but i'm sorry, it is not normal to keep things like that. Even if he had genuinely forgotten he had them, disposing of them shouldn't have been a problem.

Don't let him make you feel like you are in the wrong.

indiajane · 08/02/2007 17:24

He's just attacking because it really is the best form of defence - as he hasn't got a great deal to defend himself with he's using the predictable old chestnut that you've betrayed "his" trust by going through "his" stuff.

Take no notice, you're the one who has been wronged here - not him.... the main reason I'm sure that some posters thought this was a troll is because it's hard to understand that anyone would have a locked chest in their house and not want to know what was in it immediately - I know I would!

So whether you are "private people" or not, your opening a locked box kept in a house you both live in was natural and justifiable.

wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 08/02/2007 17:37

you have not been abusing his trust - he has been abusing your trust by looking at videoes of him shagging his ex's while you've been bringing up his daughter!

he'd be happy for you to be druling over your ex's and reliving the moments you had together then would he?

He's piling it on to you because he's guilty and he doesn't have a way out.

tosser (excuse the pun)