right, he's got a locked chest with sex videos of his ex's.

[ashamedbeyondcompare]

This morning whilst cleaning up - I found a key, which i recognised...

We have a locked wooden box in our spare room, which has had a padlock on since we moved in, Ive never known what was in it and I've never really been bothered, til now, i'm fuming!

This key I found fits the lock, to my horror its full of videos of my DP and his ex girlfriends, and pictures of them, naked and doing things to each other. It actually made me sick.

What the hell do I do, Im distraught... right now I just want to pack his bags and kick him out as soon as he gets home from work.

Im a regular by the way, and ive got a young baby, please help me I am so upset...

Do you know anything about how long thay have been split up? and why their relationship came to an end?

Is it just her on these videos then or other people too?

Gosh, sorry to bombard you with questions. Just don't know how to offer advice without knowing what your major worries actually are...?

Probably a good idea if you talk to him about this.

What's his realtonship with his ex girlfriend like? I think that's probably the key thing to look at. Have you any reason to be suspicious of them at all?

I don't think you should start out being nasty. Like others, I suspect he's either
a) forgotten about the box completely
or
b) doesn't know how to dispose of this stuff.

After all, he can hardly just take it round to the tip, can he?

Clumsymum - she has proof he has WATCHED at least one video since christmas, so he has definitely not forgotten!!

he'll be home soon - sorry i shall have to go, ill let you know how i get on, im going to wash my face to clear up my teary eyes

he told you he went out with her that night right? Generally I'd have thought then that the relationship is above board - if there was something to hide he wouldn't have mentioned it.

Also he didn't call her to tell her about the baby, somebody else did - so it doesn't sound as though they are that close anymore.

Strongly suggest that your foot goes down and all contact is stopped as of today - but he should say that himself if he has a grain of integrity.

Good Luck!

"what if they aren't old, what if they are recent??"

Oh, please don't think that hun I bet you ANYTHING they aren't.

It?s one thing having made videos and taking photos of your ex?s, not personally my thing but each to their own and all that, but it?s quite another keeping those videos and looking at them when you?re in a committed relationship with the mother of your child. This isn?t just straightforward porn, porn can be explained in a way, but this is videos of him doing things with people who have obviously had some meaning in his life at some point.

One thing concerns me slightly. I?m sorry if this might cause further upset but, you said that you found the video camera in the box with a ?dirty tape in it?. Why would the tape be in the video camera? Do you not have a vcr? Can you be sure that he was watching the video and that this tape isn?t one that has been made more recently? Can you check on the tapes the date/time they were made? I beliee camcorders do stamp dates/time but that might not apply to all.

Only you can decide what you want to do, but whatever you do in the future, I would get rid of the videos/photos, because if you ask him to do it it?s likely he?ll just hide them somewhere else. I would destroy them completely, have a little bonfire in the garden. And then you do need to do some serious talking. And he has some serious explaining to do.

How is your relationship other than the sexual side?

Good luck hun x

It's one thing looking at porn and a totally different thing looking at tapes he made with an ex. I would be absolutely horrified and humiliated. You poor thing.

Now there is a possibility that he is just being a total brainless twat and suffering from mindblowing thoughtlessness but actually that is unlikely because he has the box locked away.

What you do imo totally depends on how he reacts. If he is apologetic, says he diddn't realise that you would be so hurt because he thinks of it just as porn and is happy to destroy it immediately and work on your relationship, fair enough, give him another chance. If he tries to blame you for snooping or says that you are over reacting and being unreasonable, change the locks until he comes to his senses.

I would chuck the in the bin and would'nt say anything, when he gets home say you have had a clear out in the baby's room, take him to have a look, make sure you have left the box open showing that you have emptied it, and say 'i thought this box would be great to store blankets in' and see if he says anything, if no response then kill him

aww 'ashamed'...good luck
you have nothing to be ashamed about btw

What is a locked wooden box doing in your house without you querying it with partner? Why is it made of wood?

Why does it have to be in the little one's room? Why have such an expressive new handle?
Why/how did you "recognise" the key?

Dum-de-dum-de-dum.

Gosh yes

Why not empty it and then put in some baby things for storage

See how long it takes him to notice

I would be pissed off (and upset) too BUT whenever these threads come up, everyone says 'well all men do porn' (I don't think they do but that's another story) and tbh, I don't see these videos as anything other than normal porn but a bit more personalised. Those women probably don't mean anything to him any more, it's just a way of turning himself on.

and catching him wanking in the shower?? oh stop it.

What about this for thought.When he made thse vids he felt like a stud and proud of himself.He might be hanging onto them , because when he looks at them they make him feel good about himself.Thats it. Like we keep old photos of ourselves when we were a thinest, hair looked great ect. I know I have. I love it when a song comes on the radio that reminds me of times when i felt on top of the world. Not that it is really on. I would feel the same as you do. Just saying that these girls aren't important to him.Maybe he is just hanging onto the past.

yes pann I did think 'hmmmm how easy it it to 'catch' someone wanking in the shower...

I caught my DH having a poo

what a pig

Destroy them, how disrespectful to his Exs. Destroy then confront him.

ashamedbeyond,

Good luck.

My heart goes out to you. Let us know how you got on. You have the support of everyone here!!

Oh I've walked in on DH at it loads of times both in the shower and elsewhere. Once, I'd only nipped to the loo! I don't think that suggests the OP is lying.

Good luck honey. This is not porn, this is disrespecing you!

Dum-de-dum-de-dum....

too perfectly presented, an answer for everything, the drama of a "padlocked wooden chest", not knowing/asking what was in it since moving in, watery-eyes detail......

I'll stop.