The ignoring.....not so gaaaaa (part 2)

[FV45]

So ex finally left the home yesterday.
Slept ok and atmosphere in home is much lighter.

Residency issues are ongoing. As it stands I don't know what's happening at the weekend.

I am collecting DS2 from after school club and taking him to school tomorrow. Ex collecting from school. Ex won't discuss timings for me to collect DS2 from him on Saturday morning. Suspect he plans to drop him here at his convenience.

Am seeing sol and going to meditation MIAM soon with view to court so not sure what I can do until then, aside from log everything.

Sounds like you've got a good egg there with his teacher.

Have just sent txt to ex asking him to use sun cream on DS.
He sent me snarky txt yesterday in response to me asking about some football thing so am on high alert for another snotty response. I hate it but it's so hot today and DS has an outdoor party. I can't just let it be.

DS1 has band rehearsal today and instead of coming home between (40 mins) I'll go to country park and read my book club book.

I feel quite out of sorts. Need to eat.

In FV news:
The school liaison lady will speak to DS2 after 1/2 term.
I started taking the new meds today (go me).
I am in last 3 for a job I applied for (go me).
I went for a walk yesterday and allowed myself to remember things ex did, and I coped with it (go me).
I finally got the Visa done (GO ME!) and I get a wee trip to the embassy next week. Woo! Maybe I shall go to a museum or something.

Go FV!! Major progress on all fronts.

Wow, you've been a very busy and productive lady FV - go you indeed

Go you indeed!

His snarkyness (sp) is just a reflection of the type of person he is, it's not you it's him..... one reason why you divorced him, right? Expect him to continue as he does because it's who he is (someone you decided you didn't want to be around), meanwhile you can rise above it and soar!

Hola!
Checking in from Spain.
Me and DSs have had 2 glorious weeks in the same place we came last year. I had booked it last year thinking divorce would be done and dusted. It wasn't.

We've had a super time this year. Pool, sea, castles....

Back tomorrow and I am dreading it.

I have been offered the job I applied for.
I've had lots of appts with different professionals regarding my MH. I am yet to be able to open up about the past, but I need to. I had a full on panic attack when I was last away for work. I get flash backs of things I had entirely forgotten about. I'll be ok, but it's slow.

Gosh FV, you may have a long way to go but what a very, very long way you have come. Holiday sounds fab. Congrats on the job, you'll ace it. Don't worry too much about the therapy; it's supposed to help you, not be yet another source of pressure.

Hey there! So glad you have had a good holiday, I'm away for a week tomorrow.

Sometimes it's best to just rip the bandage off and dive right in, the worry and stress of something impending often just causes more anxiety. But you must do what feels right for you and if that's baby steps then so be it. What about the nurse we talked about, could you talk to her as a starting point to say it out loud? You will get there, be proud of your achievements to date.

Big congrats on the job! Well done you.

Holiday sounds like a good bit of therapy in itself!

Oh man.....one of the health professionals I am seeing is raising a safeguarding concern about DS2 in ex's care.

I am in complete funk about it. I told her about what happened because I wasn't happy about it, it just didn't occur to me it was a safeguarding issue (a reflection on how he has conditioned me not to stand up to him). That in itself causes me concern - am I putting my kid at risk because my judgement is clouded?

I am fucking terrified of repercussions. Of course I hope there is nothing of concern, but that would mean he will been investigated and he will be angry. The professional said she would include that in her referral (how scared I am), and that I can 'blame' her for reporting it.

Can I go back to Spain with the boys?

You're right dobby, they talked about intervention, which I think means if I don't start to talk or get better then they'll take some of the choice away from me and sort of make me dive in.
I didn't word that very well...but I guess a more structured approach which might be harder for me to manage in the short term, but necessary if I want to get on with the rest of my life.

FV You are not putting him at risk. You had concerns, and you told someone who can now do something about it. Gold in my books.

No, I meant that it hadn't occurred to me when this incident happened that it was a safeguarding risk ie that I should have reported it myself.

I'll take the though

That's something quite encouraging all on its own - you are accepting praise and not questioning that you deserve it.

Are you able to say what the incident was?

In all honesty there have been safeguarding issues before, leaving DS2 in a hotel room by himself is one that springs to mind. Perhaps this will work out for the best as I presume they will speak to your son and write a report and maybe his voice can be heard. It is a really difficult situation but you do have to do what is in the best interest of your son.

Despite how your ex has made you feel you are a wonderful mother, don't doubt yourself. He tried to break you but he failed, cracks can be filled in.

How is the little one doing now?

Right, so you do need to work hard on the therapy and start to raise the more difficult issues - if you don't want to do it for you then do it for DS2, without you he is just left with his Dad, you don't want that.

I know I'm always telling you to fight, but you must, don't let the bully win. Just by working on your therapy and eating is fighting back.

I hope all that comes across ok, it's meant to be well intended based on your therapist/nurse mentioning an intervention, I found that quite alarming.

X

Hi Dobby,

DS2 is doing OK. I am really missing him being away with ex at the moment, but nice to spend some time with DS1 and plough on with work.

I do need to be brave and know there are people supporting me. I do trust them.

Thanks

A level results in.
A* A A
He's in!

Wow! Those are fantastic results, don't know you in RL but it's very clear where he gets his brains from! Lol - Big celebrations in house FV today.

Is DS2 home now?

How are you doing now, I hope a little less stressed?

Whoop! Well done DS1, great results.

Anything come of the safeguarding concerns yet?

Just delurking to say Woohooooooo! for your DS's fantastic results

It's quite clear to me where he gets his brains from!!!

I hope everything else is going well for you right now too

Brilliant!! Way to go DS1!

Thanks guys. Good to share the good news.

Nope, DS2 not home. Ex informs me that he won't be back on the day he's meant to be (21st), but "better you collect him Tuesday evening or Wednesday morning". FFS. Breaching the CO...nothing I can do aside from take him back to court.

I have not had a great week and just been a bit of a hedgehog (retreating into myself and spiky), but keeping on.

We completed the safeguarding form on Tues. Bloody horrible. Really hard.
I spoke to a friend whose husband is a social worker and she's given me a better idea of how the process works. I am worried about the enormity of it and repercussions. The latter concern is stated clearly on the form, along with confidentiality for me, but I have been let down in this respect before (albeit that was legal rather than medical/social care).

Then I read out some memories/hard things from the past and we talked about those. Felt completely done in.

I have very, very good friends.

Does ex think this extra time is owed? He is so annoying with his little games. Is he still doing this sort of thing often? It's not unreasonable for you to want to know in advance what is happening so you can make your own plans.

Good friends are invaluable. X

No, the apparent time I owed has been taken this week.
Next week we agreed to stick to term time contact.

It's a game. Exactly that.