The ignoring.....not so gaaaaa (part 2)

[FV45]

So ex finally left the home yesterday.
Slept ok and atmosphere in home is much lighter.

Residency issues are ongoing. As it stands I don't know what's happening at the weekend.

I am collecting DS2 from after school club and taking him to school tomorrow. Ex collecting from school. Ex won't discuss timings for me to collect DS2 from him on Saturday morning. Suspect he plans to drop him here at his convenience.

Am seeing sol and going to meditation MIAM soon with view to court so not sure what I can do until then, aside from log everything.

That's why I wondered about on cubs day his contact starting after cubs so you always pick him from school that day...

He objects to that - on what grounds, it interferes with his plans how exactly as the plan should be taking DS to cubs!

I agree it's very important that you only pick the battles you can see through to the end.

Hope you enjoyed your lay in KOKO FV you've done amazingly

I think the problem with the courts is that they automatically expect a parent who seeks visitation rights to be a reasonable/responsible parent.

Sadly most children tend to be timid with the parent they feel more insecure with, they also usually don't argue etc. Then the parent they feel most comfortable with gets the backlash of upset and frustration. Hopefully if you can get him some help he will find his voice.

In the meantime I don't know how wary DS2 is of his Dad or how his Dad is with him when his own selfish desires don't take precedence over his son but do you think DS2 would say 'yes I would like to go to cubs' and if a negative answer would he then say 'ok, please may I phone Mum so she can take me'?

And re his request if something should happen to you, I find that really strange and a bit scary It does show his insecurity and fear of losing control though. If I were to answer him it would be along the lines of my wishes would be that DS2 choice and feelings would be considered. I'm not sure if I dreamt you doing you will or if it was someone else but do make sure you have someone shit hot to act as trustee.

Yes, I updated my Will last week. My brother will be the guardian of DS2 in the event of both our deaths.
Ex wants written proof. I am under no obligation to show him my Will, am I?

There is no way DS would ask his Dad to call me, as he knows Dad would not let him.

I had the best run ever yesterday. It really makes up for the shitty times.

No, you don't have to show him your will, that's ridiculous. Congratulations on the good run!

I figured that with DS but was thinking it would show ex that DS really wanted to go, plus play on ex insecurities.

No you do not have to show him your will. As you know, he has rights. It's quite odd to ask and odd that he would even think that he would be powerless in that situation. Perhaps if he realised his rights then he would stop trying to assert his 'power' in other ways.

Having said that it's actually not cut and dried that he would go to Dad, I know a case where a child stayed with her older half sisters despite Dad going to court.

At a certain age the person a court would listen to would be DS so Dad had better start listening and considering DS's feelings.

Anyway enough of that subject!

Does your brother have control of your assets should anything happen to you, so your Ex can't get hold of your money/assets and spend it before it goes to your children.

Oh yes! Him and a good friend are executors.

DS with ex, should I remind him to use sun cream (DS has swimming outside so specially important) or just leave - I reminded him couple of weeks ago, his contact, don't interfere.

But DSs young skin.....

Really wanted him with me yesterday after Manchester incident.

Off to SODA drop in this morning. Keeping an open mind.

I think it's a tough one because it sets the precedence he can do the same back...

If the swimming is with the school then they should insist on the suncream. See if it happens again and if it does then you will have to, if he gets arsey then tell him you wish you didn't have to interfere.

No sun cream. I'll send some into school and work something out. Can't communicate with bastard

FFS he is so self absorbed and reckless with DS

Im not sure if the school will actually apply it to DS2, they may, our primary wouldn't and would remind parents for sports days or hot days, but equally they didn't have an outside pool.

Is DS2 ok? Hope he didn't burn.

No, the school won't apply it, but I would like to think that under the circumstances they could remind him to do it himself. FFS...ex is very fair and covered in moles, some of which he's had looked at. DSs are darker like me, but still......

His swim lesson was first thing when the sun isn't over the pool so he's OK.

Up and down day. SODA was hard, then 2 letters arrived from the psyc people. It's hard.

But in proud Mama news, DS1 was on local radio being interviewed with his band. They played a couple of numbers. I could not be more proud.

And in frustrating news, I need a special visa (don't ask!) to go to the US (seems I was on the wrong one for nearly 3 years) and it's just about finishing me off. I appear to have broken the US Government!

...and now you know my son's name. Woops.

Ask HQ and they will edited out DS name.

Special visa, hmmm you are very special indeed! I had a uni friend who had 3 passports...

I can't see his name now, maybe I didn't add it at all...

Yeah....I could do w/o being "special" to be honest. I will triumph today.
If I can get my US visa sorted out I can do ANYTHING.

[dons invincible hat]

Gosh it's a lovely day here. Do I have to go to work?

His name has gone!

US embassy what joy that sounds...

I'm off work going to do some decorating as I'm a billy no mates

Really really struggling here.
Back from appt which was long and hard. Banging headache.

The visa form has reduced me to an absolute heap of sobbing mess.
Endless loops of information (both on the web and the phone). No actual person to speak to. I am really worried I won't get my visa in time and I just don't know who to ask for help. The people who should be able to help are in California so not awake for feckin' hours.

I suspect I am crying about more than the visa.

Can you get yourself some lunch, plenty of fluids and some painkillers? I do wonder if having a good sob before regathering yourself may well be needed?

Huge hugs

I'm sorry today has been so difficult, hope it's improved.

Thank you. The afternoon picked up. I worked out the visa thing. I ate something, collected DS2 and sat in the sun for a bit, then dinner in the garden and sorting out bastard football cards.

I am itching to go for a run, but can't go until DS1 back.

It's a lot to try and change my coping behaviours and slowly dip into dealing with the abuse of the past.

DS2 is away with ex for the first part of 1/2 term. I will miss him, but with DS1 on 1/2 term as well there will be less clock watching and it will be more calm so maybe I will be able to stop treading water enough to take stock.

I meant to say well done to DS1 and his band, proud Mummy moment indeed!

Glad the pm picked up.

Thanks!
Just back from a glorious run.
Really needed it.

DS2's class teacher called and we spoke about sun cream. She is more than happy to remind him to apply it on days where it hasn't been done by ex before school. I just need to let her know what days those are and to ensure DS2 has easy to apply sun cream in his bag.
His back will be a problem on swim days, but they are only in the pool 1/2hr. I could get him a uv top, but am not sure he'd wear it.
Anyway, I am very thankful for her support.