The ignoring.....not so gaaaaa (part 2)

[FV45]

So ex finally left the home yesterday.
Slept ok and atmosphere in home is much lighter.

Residency issues are ongoing. As it stands I don't know what's happening at the weekend.

I am collecting DS2 from after school club and taking him to school tomorrow. Ex collecting from school. Ex won't discuss timings for me to collect DS2 from him on Saturday morning. Suspect he plans to drop him here at his convenience.

Am seeing sol and going to meditation MIAM soon with view to court so not sure what I can do until then, aside from log everything.

I didn't realise you saw him yesterday, for some reason I thought he had stayed with Ex all through.

Glad you are feeling ok this evening.

Yeah he's a cock, at least over time he'll become less and less of a feature. It won't be that long before DS2 votes with his feet and old enough to be listened to, I don't think.

You're not rambling! It's lovely to hear about the little things you now get to do because you are freer. I hope the freedom programme does really help.

Yes it's important the passport is there with you. I take it he is planning on taking him abroad?

No he won't pay a penny for DS1 uni as there is nothing in it for him. You could ask that he pays half for the passport but I doubt you want that argument with him.

The next issue he has then just play it by ear, get him to explain why or where he thinks he is owed extra days - then it's a yes or no. You get anxious and feel awful regardless of whether you agree to his demands or not. Really hope the freedom project helps you to cope with being able to deal with him.

And don't be too hard on yourself, you've had years of his antics and it's hard to break away from the conditioning, but you will.

Happy to hear the positives, can't imagine what he had against birds!

Turns out DS2 complained he was poorly on the way to school yesterday (with ex on their bikes). They turned around and went back to his place, then he got him to go on a 10 mile bike ride into the city and then back again - so 20 miles on the bikes. Ex told DS2 he had things to do in the city but they just went to a cafe.

I've asked DS2 if he would be able to ask his Dad to call me in those situations as I would come and collect him, but he said Dad said it was good for him to get out and wouldn't listen to him.

He's here with me now. Hoorah.

MH meeting was hard but I do feel a weight lifted. I have homework . Another one tomorrow. And chase up Freedom programme. No one can say I'm not trying to sort myself out, eh!

Not surprised your ex didn't listen, he doesn't listen or consider anyone other than himself.

Glad he is home now.

You are making positive steps forward, Im sure it won't always be easy but the outcome should be positive for a more contented future. Well done!

I would log his actions with the school

I guess you encourage your DS to ALWAYS go to school and ask them to call you if he feels to unwell.

What an utterly self centred selfish stupid irresponsible prick he is

I don't know if the school should get involved - it's a bit 'his word against mine' isn't it? Looking back at my communication I had with the head during the worst part of the divorce I can see there were things I really didn't need to tell her and I feel a bit foolish now. It needs to be entirely about DS, NOT me.

Just put DS to bed (we had such a giggle, it was lovely) and he's got sun burn on his neck. It was sunny yesterday.
I told DS he needs to take responsibility for sun cream, that he needs to tell Dad he can't go out w/o it, but (no surprises) Dad just dismisses it. I don't know what to do. txt ex and he'll come back with something terrible I've done or just ignore and send DS with tonnes of the stuff.

Don't bother engaging ex about the suncream, just log it.

I think you to need to tell the school because it's an attendance issue and to ask that they always call you first if DS becomes unwell because this demonstrates he will not put DS welfare first.

I don't think the school will do anything, there are no rules that state what a parent can do when a child is off sick, it's parental judgement. I would keep a note of these sick days though.

I would have to say something about the suncream, keep it breezy 'Can he remember to use suncream as DS neck got burnt whilst they were cycling'. If he chooses to throw something back at you it may pinch a little but it's just his small mans way of making himself feel better because he can't be less than perfect can he? You can just ignore it and not be like me who would reply with 'is that a no then' and 'we don't really need to go down the route of point scoring do we? Because you would lose' etc., etc.,

Ignore me, I'm hormonal and ranting. Lol

I will leave it with the school, but am noting everything.
DS very angry this morning. Doesn't like it at Dad's. Makes me feel so sad.

I am beyond anxious this morning. Appt at 10.30am.
Am meant to eat breakfast (that's my homework) and I just can't. My stomach is in knots and I'm on the verge of falling apart.

Lost ANOTHER feckin' sweatshirt.

I will txt ex later about the sun cream. I can't be doing with his snarky reply right now.

Not all bad though. I have my volunteering later and a late swim and tomorrow I'm going to the outdoor pool to practice swimming in a wetsuit in prep for my open water swim. The wetsuit I have borrowed belongs to a woman about a foot shorter than me. I can't bloody move it in!

[gives head a wobble and carries on with day]

I like the ranty, hormonal Dobby! Can I give you ex's mobile number and you just sort him out?

FV maybe try distracting yourself with something and just put a bit of breakfast on the table in front of you. Don't worry if you can't eat it, just practice going through the motions for now!

Fx you have a good appointment this morning, you're really making progress.

That was hard. Very hard. I feel bad. I need to put it out of my mind now and get on with things.

Not helped by stopping at GP surgery to chase up letter sent to them by ED nurse to request tests. She sent it 2 weeks ago and both she and woman I saw today urged me to chase it as the tests are important.

Firstly they said there was no record and asked me in full public who it was from. I asked to speak privately. Fine. She looked again (along with 4 other members of staff crowding around the computer..why?). The letter has arrived but not been read by GP. Sod that. I walked out.
Took me courage to do that and they could see I was in a state of distress.

KOKO FV you are worth the battle and your boys love you so much

Whilst you are reeling from this morning don't email Ex, it can wait until closer to when he is next seeing him, see how you feel then. You know his reply... it's expected so let him just jog on if it makes him feel good about his pathetic self.

I would love his number! I am far more stroppy now having been in that controlling relationship and realised actually it's not me it's you!

Ups and downs are to be expected and even sometimes you may feel you are not getting anywhere but stick with it.

Poor DS2, I do think it would be good if he does have someone to talk to, also may help if at some point he doesn't want to go at all and he had told an independent person.

Stupid GP practice - they have no idea do they!

Been for run [basks in endorphin cloud]

I did txt ex about sun cream. No reply. Ooo la la.
Slept ok. No DS2 this weekend. Lots planned so will be busy and distracted.

I dip into your thread every now and then, FV, and am still cheering you on. I'm impressed with you going for a run yesterday - I neglected my exercise and general health dreadfully and I'm sure it didn't help. Glad you've got an interesting weekend lined up. Keep loving yourself. You're as worth it as the next woman and considerably more worth it than certain men we could name.

No reply is fine.

Is he with ex this weekend?

Have a good weekend.

He didn't reply. It was quite sunny this w/e, I really hope he used sun cream.
Yes, he was with ex. Three nights. I will see him after school.

Funny old w/e. I had LOTS of fun and got lots done, but in quiet periods I've sunk right down. It's like I'm keeping myself super busy to avoid the difficult things.

Swam in a wetsuit in Cambridge Lido. It was feckin' freezing!

Tearful in Aldi and Tesco and when in the car alone, but I've had such a giggle with good friends. I can't marry the two together.

The surgery did call me back. I've been told the tests are very important, yet it will be nearly a month since they were requested before I have them. Doesn't make sense to me.

Have emailed ex with my next travel dates. Wish me strength for that. I'll be away for 2 of DS1's A levels. I'll be able to make him pre-exam breakfast for the first, but not the other one. He'll be fine - he'll have the house to himself, but I would have loved to have been here.

It's anxiety. When you are occupied you are not thinking about it all. Anxiety is a nasty beast it feeds and multiplies from your thoughts.

Well done in the swimming - told you you were a brave woman!

Don't expect the NHS to move too fast. Lol

If he prats about on the travel dates then go ahead and make other arrangements. Give him reasonable time then withdraw the request.

DS2 will be fine, you will be able to message and speak to him. But yes I know what you mean, we are in the midst of AS's as we speak.

You went in the Cambridge lido in May?? You are seriously brave. I could barely stand it in August!

Best wishes for your DS1 with his exams!

Ship I've never been to the lido before so it was more naivety than bravdo! But yeah....lifeguard had to save my post-swim cup of tea as I was shaking so much.

DS2 back with me this evening and all in sixes and sevens as usual.
They were away for the w/e and he told me ex left him in the hotel room, door locked and went out. AGAIN. He says Dad thinks he's asleep.
Am going to call the school liaison person to ask her advice on who I should get DS to talk to. Rightly or wrongly I don't feel comfortable talking to the school as I feel they think he's fine (at school he is, which is great) and that it's me who's been struggling and I feel paranoid as they probably see ex being all Dad of the year and wonder what all the fuss is about.

Geez not only is he a prick but an utterly stupid one, why does he not get that it's not safe or appropriate to do this!!! The hotel may well have a babysitting service why the f*ck does he not use it...

At this rate you'll be stopping contact for DS safety

V v unlikely hotel has babysitting service, they stay in some pretty grotty places.

I can't just stop content. I need proof and then it will have to go back to court.