The ignoring.....not so gaaaaa (part 2)

[FV45]

So ex finally left the home yesterday.
Slept ok and atmosphere in home is much lighter.

Residency issues are ongoing. As it stands I don't know what's happening at the weekend.

I am collecting DS2 from after school club and taking him to school tomorrow. Ex collecting from school. Ex won't discuss timings for me to collect DS2 from him on Saturday morning. Suspect he plans to drop him here at his convenience.

Am seeing sol and going to meditation MIAM soon with view to court so not sure what I can do until then, aside from log everything.

Are you ok FV? I read you other thread and could tell how stressful you are finding the non mol issue.

I know it's easier said than done but try not to focus too much on it, do what you can to prevent it but if he does, he does. The bigger picture here is organsing contact so you don't have to continue in the manner that you have been. Try to just focus on that or you may be derailed and not get across what you need to.

💐💐💐

Court done.
Final Order received!

My calls to police and the non- mol were disclosed which was very upsetting.
Issue over whether my friend could come in court with me. I was told yes by my sol earlier, phoned court yesterday to check, they said yes and said she didn't need to bring anything when I asked. Yet they nearly declined and then asked if she had cv. I stood up for myself and she was allowed in. I don't get how something seemingly so straight forward should end up being so stressful.

Anyway it was horrible and long but I got feeling cafcass and his barrister thought he was an immature idiot (some of the things he told cafcass about me were pathetic) so it ended up ok.

It's the best outcome I could have hoped for.

It kicks in 7th March.

Well done FV, that's excellent news. All that holding on to your sanity by your fingernails has been finally worth it!! And that's such good news for DS2, I bet he'll be happier abd more settled so quickly once the new pattern kicks in.

Congratulations FV45!!!

Sounds like a great outcome. I'm sure this wont be the cure of your ex being a total dick, but it bloody well ought to help.

So pleased for you!

Oh fantastic!

That wasn't a great start with them almost not allowing your friend in, be proud you stood your ground at a most stressful time. X

It's wrong that the calls to police and non mol were disclosed, but it's done now and that fear that he could find out is no longer relevant.

You must feel so good that this is done and dusted and will work so much better for you and DS2, big relief that there will be a solid routine.

Did you manage to arrange child care for when you are away on business?

Response from my sol (who I wrote to yesterday with an update).

"Unfortunately, the system is not perfect and has a long way to go in sensitively dealing with victims of domestic abuse. Changes are being made but not quick enough."

That a senior sol has acknowledged this means a great deal to me.

Thank you all.

re: work travel. It's in the Order that he has to respond within a reasonable time.

The best bit is that it says DS2 is resident with Mother with generous contact with the Father ie NOT shared care. They were pretty clear about that.

All small details added : no drastic changes in appearance, must take him to Beavers/Cubs, not allowed to take him to India in next 12 months.
Lots more, but basically everything I asked for.

His complaints against me were that I spend too much time on social media, something really boggling about a window and that I have a temper.

Regarding the temper I said they could ask the kids about how it's been since he left the home and then make their own conclusions.

I am calming down now and letting the success in. I was shaking for ages when I got home yesterday.

That is fantasic they gave you residency, did you ask for it or did the courts decide that was for the best? Thank goodness he didn't want sol letters back and forth.

I'm quite surprised they added the 'smaller things' i.e. Haircut - but excellent!

I'm so happy for you, it's all come right in the end, well, apart from the fact he will still be a twat. Hope this gives you more confidence in dealing with him in the future.

I didn't ask for it, I didn't really appreciate the significance. They did though!
The first copy had it wrong, which the magistrate spotted and was insistent that it be changed.

I think the smaller things is a nod of recognition that he uses control in so many aspects of his care of DS2 and in his communication with me.

It is sinking in - that I really am starting the new phase of our lives.

For context, I first saw a solicitor on the 25th Feb 2015.

waves pompoms<

Excellent. Something really boggling about a window? He really is a twat.

Yay. Been following your story for yonks so glad you finally got some official feedback that it's not you - it's him.

So does this mean the end to his crazy rota with your DS and you can establish a more settled routine for your DS.

Yes!
We'll all know what we're doing and we can make plans.

Very well done OP. 💐💐💐

Congratulations FV! Once it's all sunk in, I hope you're able to celebrate with your lovely sons. I'm sure DS2 will be a lot happier with a steady routine. You've done amazingly well to get so far in less than a year against such headwinds.

am going to toast that tonight x x

Two years!!

Congratulations, I've been reading about your situation for months.... so happy that your son will be allowed to have more stability & you will be able to start a new chapter. Your ex is not in charge anymore.... enjoy your freedom

After everything you been through you must feel a sense of vindication, so glad that the magistrate clearly 'got it'.

Fantastic news. So thrilled for your new future for you and ds2

Thank you to those of you who have been following and have popped in to share my good news. MN has been a wonderful support for me.

I really do feel vindicated. At last.

Still so happy for you and for your boys!

Long-time lurker on your threads. Just wanted to say I am so happy for you getting this outcome. Your ex is one of the biggest twunts I've read about. Hope the new arrangements work well for you.

I'm a lurker too. So happy for you! So relieved!

Just read most of the thread and I'm absolutely delighted for you and your boys. You're an amazing woman and mum xxxx

I collect DS2 from ex in the morning, the first time since court. Dreading it. Cafcass were concerned about the effect of acrimonious situations during drop offs and collect and suggested arranging a 3rd party or more neutral location. But I agreed to continue to collect from ex's place as it then allows me to round up stuff (check school things mainly). I hope I've made the right decision.
Going on a 10 mile run with some of my club men (ha!) beforehand so hopefully I'll be all zippy with endorphins!