The ignoring.....not so gaaaaa (part 2)

[FV45]

So ex finally left the home yesterday.
Slept ok and atmosphere in home is much lighter.

Residency issues are ongoing. As it stands I don't know what's happening at the weekend.

I am collecting DS2 from after school club and taking him to school tomorrow. Ex collecting from school. Ex won't discuss timings for me to collect DS2 from him on Saturday morning. Suspect he plans to drop him here at his convenience.

Am seeing sol and going to meditation MIAM soon with view to court so not sure what I can do until then, aside from log everything.

I would reply with 'I have already listed the problems'

I think that there is a good chance that he genuinely doesn't see what the problem is, i.e. I guess DS2 doesn't push the fact he wants to go to Beavers and probably doesn't express any issue with the to and fro to his Dad. Unfortunately that's quite common with the parent they feel the least secure with, they just don't communicate. Also to ex 50:50 was agreed, however in practice it doesn't work... but to ex it does, he genuinely doesn't see the problem. Now having said that he is convieniently not listening or considering the possibility that there may be an issue with it and is only interested in his own selfish needs.

Little one back (finally) with awful hair cut. Number 1 all over or something. You can see his scalp. I hate it.
I have voice recording of him telling me he was left in locked hotel room.

I did send that reply.

Wait, he was left alone locked in a hotel room? How long for?!?

I don't know. DS says ex goes out when he's asleep.

I've raised this issue with NSPCC before, they weren't that concerned as I had no proof and it was not likely to happen again. Suggested I talk to ex (ha ha) which I did.

Are the school ok with extreme hair cuts? Did your son want that cut or is he not fussed?

I know that leaving a child on their own is not illegal so long as they are not at risk. (?) I think by anyone's standard your son is far too young. I do not understand how ex locks him in hotel room, presumably DS can exit it? Ex will probably say that the hotel have some baby sitting service. This is a welfare issue so will have to raise it, I just don't know who to... social services?

How was he after his time away?

I don't think the school have a hair cut policy. He doesn't like it, but said Dad wanted it.

The 'hotel' is some grotty hostel. DS says nothing works.

He has been very clingy. He didn't enjoy his time away, all they did was cycling. In London. No museums or anything.

I had to take a moment to digest that your young son was left on his own in a hostel in London.

Does he attempt to say if he doesn't want to do something to his Dad?

I'm concerned that your son is dragged around by his over bearing Dad, doing stuff he doesn't want to do, getting hair cuts he doesn't like..... he may end up one big ball of angry frustration.

Does he go happily to his Dads if he knows they are cycling all weekend and when he knows he won't be taken to Beavers?

It's sad because he is bound to love his Dad and want to see him but he needs to know that it doesn't always have to be on Dads terms.

Sorry, I'm rambling.

The being left alone is setting the child protection alarm bells ringing, it really isn't on... Particularly if he has form for it previously. Madeline McCann anyone?

I'd seriously consider speaking to Children's Services about this, I've contacted them for less and they've been interested. I'd expect them to speak to him about it, and at the very least if there is no action taken there will be a record of your concerns which may come in handy later.

If you don't feel able to speak to children's services about it, is there a pastoral support person at the school you can talk to? Or the school nurse perhaps?

The haircut and the random day off are annoying as fuck, but small fry and part and parcel of having to "co-parent" with an absolute dick, but leaving a child unattended, particularly in a strange place, is really not on and it needs addressing.

I have called the school liaison person (works for children's services) who I have met every term in the last year or so. I trust her and know her.
I left a message and she will call me back.

Yes, I need someone professional to speak to him.

Good idea.

I've recently had to go to CS because of my ex's behaviour with the kids again, fucking hate it grrrr. You have my sympathy!!

DH once stayed in a hostel in London, he didn't like it, didn't feel safe. felt it was a rabbit warren in an emergency evacuation.

I am just disgusted anyone would think that is ok.

Good job FV.

Oh my God. Your ex is a total arse. Well done on being so strong.

Oh I'm sorry c3. Comfort in shared grrrrr.

School lady didn't call today. She's very busy and I think it's done me good to have a day off thinking about it tbh.

DS2 very clingy at bed time. He's in my bed listening to Classic FM with the LED Stormtrooper head.

So, ex has given me back my Monday giving me the 3 day stretch. I suppose he expects me to thank him for being so accommodating. I just said "fine".

Loads of comments from parents about his hair.

Not sure how to inform ex I want DS to have mobile phone.
It's just for DS to call or txt me (or his bro) when we are not together.
I guess ex has a right to not allow him to use it when he's with him - he can just take it away.

I can't say it's for DS to call me if he's left on his own.

Advice?

Yes he can easily take it away, lose it, make DS turn it off.

You could go about it two ways:

Include ex in the 'so he can call any of us when we are apart'. Or

Just go ahead and do it given that he does not consult you in child care matters, hair, absences off school etc.

Non issue in the end. I txt'ed ex and he just said DS didn't need a phone. End of.

Pretty uneventful w/e, though DS1 asked his Dad to take him to band, ex said he couldn't. I asked if DS2 could stay with ex until I'd got back (DS2 had been with him night before, so just extending the morning. It's just over an hr round trip to band so tedious for DS2). Ex said he could mind DS2. SO, he was happy to care for one DS but not help the other DS out.
The must hurt DS1.

School liaison person called. As I suspected, unless I have concrete safeguarding concerns then there's little I can do regarding DS2 being left alone in locked room.

Court is in 3 weeks and I've heard nothing from Cafcass. c3 do you know the time frame for this? I'll be bloody mad if they don't do the background work before Court. Someone should be speaking to DS2 on his own. Does anyone have experience of that process?

Other than that, I've had quite a few people remark that I look very well and am much happier in myself. And that is because I am (time to take the festive smileys down MNHQ?)!

Re the mobile phone, you can now buy kids safety watches that have a SIM card in and GPS tracking. They look just like a digital watch but have a button so child can call one or two preset mobile numbers. Watch has built in speaker and mic. Not sure if that would work for your DS, but does has the advantage that because of the GPS tracking if there was a real emergency you would know where he is.

If you think DS2 needs a phone then get him one, of course you can't stop ex taking it off him and then I guess you have the issue of getting it back from him.

Looking after DS2 for a little longer is minimal effort and he gets to still do whatever he wants as is proven by leaving him on his own when it suits.

I'm confused as to what they class as concrete safeguarding issues, if being left alone at night in London isn't then what is?

I had my CAFCASS call and report the week before the first hearing. They usually "try to land as they run out of fuel" it seems.

...and did they talk to your children?

Nope, just my ex and I.

And children's services.

I'd only expect CAFCASS to speak to the child to aid a later report for a hearing further down the line. The initial report for the first hearing will be a safeguarding report to make sure the child isn't in immediate danger etc.

Trying to work out Feb stupid rota according to his supposed working schedule. Impossible. Hate it. He won't discuss. No room for negotiation. Gaaaa. Venting.

Yep because he's a controlling lying abusive dick

Surely "leaving ds alone in a locked room" IS a safeguarding concern? How can it not be?