The ignoring.....not so gaaaaa (part 2)

[FV45]

So ex finally left the home yesterday.
Slept ok and atmosphere in home is much lighter.

Residency issues are ongoing. As it stands I don't know what's happening at the weekend.

I am collecting DS2 from after school club and taking him to school tomorrow. Ex collecting from school. Ex won't discuss timings for me to collect DS2 from him on Saturday morning. Suspect he plans to drop him here at his convenience.

Am seeing sol and going to meditation MIAM soon with view to court so not sure what I can do until then, aside from log everything.

Why do you think he is so different with DS2 than with DS1? Is it because he gets something out of it, a feeling of being 'needed' or something?

Has DS1 spent much time with his Dad?

cos DS1 needs more driving around mainly - to bus, band, collect from parties and gigs etc, the open days and interviews.

Doesn't suit ex to do that.
When I've been away with work he didn't even take him to bus then but put him in a taxi. He took those days off work himself so wasn't doing anything else.

No room for DS1 to sleep at his dads.

He's seen him to go to cinema and some meals out, oh and ex has taken him to band...once (me and DS2 were at a race).

Hmmm, DS1 is too old to be manipulated into doing what ex wants to do. Clearly if there is nothing in it for him he is the same with DS2, Beavers being case in point. If he doesn't have to do it he doesn't, I guess DS1 had to get to band.

DS1 and ex do have a good relationship over all, and when DS was younger they would do a lot together.

DS doesn't really talk about how he feels about his dad now. He's happy to see him.
I have to be careful how much I tell him. The biggest challenge is trying to explain why I'm throwing love at DS2 rather than dishing out punishment when he's acting up.

Yeah, the band is important. I'd point you to their you tube videos if it didn't out me! Thing is you have to go where the drum kit is! It's great he has this as a break from the academic stuff.

An offer arrived today from Surrey.

Haven't seen DS2 since I dropped him at school Monday morning.
He's back with me for just one night.

I hope we have a nice evening.

Still nothing from ex about taking DS1 to interview or whether he can have DS2 - I can manage fine, and this only adds fuel to my claim that he is completely inflexible.

txt from ex saying I can drop DS2 with him on the way to taking DS1 to interview. Bugger that. It's not on the way and far easier for me to drop him with a friend in the village.

It seems that his relationship with the boys revolves around him, from the outside looking in he only appears to do activities if he wants to do them or takes pleasure in them.

If I were you I would message him stating that you will assume that as he hasn't replied that he is unable to assist with DS1's uni interview so you will make other child care arrangements. You know he will leave it until the night before then tell you he is having DS2 and make it out to be your fault and will bully and insist he is having him.

Not only does it show how inflexible he is it also shows that communication between the two of you is non existent even regarding the boys and therefore you require a regular schedule.

For me I feel that a regular schedule with some flexibility on both sides is ideal for all involved, obviously the regular schedule has to work for DS2.

Oops, x post.

Yeah it's all about him isn't it, but then you knew that, hence him being an ex...

I txt ex to suggest 10am pickup this morning. He replied with just a "12" which I questioned and then got no response. It's not usual for a w/e pickup to be so late is it? No doubt he will reply that I have DS until 12 one day over Xmas so it's "fair".

Heard from cafcass. I know it's all part of the process but I am very anxious. Will ex find out I reported him to police?

DS1 uni offers rolling in. Exciting.

My one night with DS2 was lovely actually. One major tantrum but I am more prepared now. I struggled yesterday with a long day on my own (DS1 working till 9), but had a lovely run which helped.

If DS2 tells me ex went on bike ride leaving him with housemates I shall be livid!

Yup, ex went on bike ride on his own. Twat.

How did DS2 feel about being left with housemates?

Did he go on a bike ride this morning? Is that why you couldn't collect until 12?

No it's not fair that you lose half a day with DS2, Christmas is separate he does this regularly.

"Why are you depriving me of time with DS1 when you then leave him alone with your housemates to go on a solo bike ride? Why do you think that is in DS best interests, he would have rather had the extra time with me? I let you pick up DS later at noon, I will not accommodate you taking that time back later on to make it "fair" - it was your contact time that you chose not to use."

He is an utterly abusive c*ck womble

Yes, that's what I say in my head and on here. There's really no point in saying it to him, is there.

Hmm I don't know, it's about you making the point that you KNOW what he is doing.

I guess in future when discussing contact you agree fixed time for when his contact starts and it's his loss if he chooses to collect later.

Will you get the opportunity to submit this as an example of his unreasonable behaviour?

You know it would be ok (I guess) if DS2 was left with a current partner of his whilst he went out, but with his housemates????

He will deny anyway.
Yes court is exacrtly to get stable times.

And there is no discussion - it's him dictating.

Yeah I know

I just wonder if by you putting it in him writing you can then have it as evidence to objecting to his dictated contact.

I actually what DS to talk to someone other than me. He's told me quite a few things this evening.

Children's advocate?

I agree. He knows you know because the children will tell you. If you tell him, you're playing his game, and it's not as if you can change it. Best to sound off on here.

It all evidence why you need the courts intervention on access, just leave it for now and know that on any agreement or court order the times for pick ups etc needs to be added.

Re DS, (hope he is ok) - first stop GP - sometimes arranging these things can take time, alternatively you can of course pay. Or, depending on the issue, perhaps the school welfare person can help?

Just checking in.
It's been a pretty quiet week.
DS2 with me last night and tonight.
It saddens me that this will be his childhood.
I am seeing school liaison person tomorrow and will ask about getting someone to talk to DS.

MIL and step-FIL are coming to dinner this evening. ex and MIL are estranged and ex has never even met his step dad though they have been together 14 years now. Needless to say my own relationship with them suffered as they could never come to the house. DS2 wouldn't recognise them in the street even though they live only 11 miles away. So, I am very happy to start establishing a relationship with them both.

Quiet is good.

It is sad and how it's set up at the moment does seem unfair on DS2 who has quite a few years ahead of this. I think this fact will give you the strength to fight his corner in court.

I hope dinner goes well. Unless there is good reason for the estrangement I don't see why your children should be kept away from their GM.