Please help me and tell me what to do and how to cope. Husband cheated and marriage over.

[Brokenapple]

Children are 5 and 2. I found a text last night. Things haven't been good for a couple of years but I didn't expect this. He doesn't even seem sorry just defiant. I don't think he even wants to try but I'm not sure I do either - that's not point is it? I thought he would at least try.
What do I need to do now? I keep thinking about the kids with him and a new girlfriend. I can't stop being sick.
Practically what now?

Talking brought out a whole host of issues but he can't hide the fact he's been unfaithful. He argued every point like he wanted to win. Nothing's resolved and I'm heartbroken and my life is shit. I feel like just telling everyone now so it's out there. He's suggested counselling which I assume is to buy time. I've suggested it twice before. I've agreed but asked him to organise it. I will contact a solicitor tomorrow.

Thank you all so much for getting me through today. I really can't thank you enough. You've made me realise I can walk away and I don't deserve this. He's only reacting favourably now as he's got so much to lose. Once again I'm being manipulated.

Stay strong 💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻💐💐💐

Morning broken apple, hope you managed some sleep. Try and eat a little something to keep your strength up, you have a difficult time ahead so you'll need to be strong but you can do it. [Flowers] for you, sounds like you'll be well shot of an arse of a husband. Try and get some rl support too, it will help and you shouldn't feel you have to hide his dirty fucking secret. Take care

I can't eat as I'm still being sick. They are downstairs having breakfast. Nothing has changed for him and my world is upside down.

Sorry he's been so awful.

You need legal advice asap. There is a thread on here about things to do before a free appointment with a solicitor. Some posters have also recommended lawyers.

You can get copies of his company accounts from companies house online, for hardly any money.

Is he at least sleeping on the sofa or a spare room?

A little thing that helped me was to find a place that could be my little 'oasis'. Its a place I go to just walk. It's my place where I go when I feel my head is going to explode, it's a place I can go to cry... Some days in the beginning I bearing had the energy but I need to feel the space to feel I could think, somewhere away from everything. Some days when I go there I walk like its a route march, other days I just stroll, depending what emotions are running through me. But one thing I'm sure if is It's helped me no end. I seem to go about two to three time a week but I always feel a little more at peace when I've been - for a while anyway. Is there a park, or a toe path or something near to you, that you can walk?

Yes we live near parks thanks user. I have not are since Saturday so can hardly stand never mind walk.
He brought be a cup of tea this morning and I said I was still being sick but he ignored me. Later on I challenged him saying that it was him that made me sick and why didn't he try to show he cared? He said his gesture of making tea was ignored! I laughed and said that he can't be forgiven for infidelity for making tea!!! Clearly he doesn't love me and is trying to keep the family situation the same for his own sake. Not once has he said he doesn't want to lose me, just keep the family together. I'm on line now looking for solicitors.
Can anyone link to the thread with the financial details that I need to gather beforehand? I've got mortgage summary, income and will get his company accounts off the internet.
Thanks everyone who has commented. Just re writing what I have written makes me sound such a mug.

I meant re reading.

Sorry that meant to say not eaten since Saturday.

You can stop the email alerts by going to 'customise' on the MN main site.

This is a horrible horrible time.
There's no getting away from it!
You will feel like crap for ages.
You will cry and cry. You will be sick.
I found I couldn't eat anything solid.
I survived for weeks on sugary tea, ice lollies and soup!
Random I know but it's what got me through.

The biggest and best piece of advice I can give you right now is to get some real life support.
It's so important you have a support network.
This is nothing for YOU to be ashamed of.
This is all HIS shame! Not yours.
Get to family or friends so they can look after you and give you hugs when you need them.
My biggest regret was keeping my ExH dirty little secret for so long.
I have no idea why I did it either.
Like most of us, I guess I was ashamed, thought it was somehow my fault.
It wasn't and it's not your fault either!!!
Get support for yourself.
He can go fuck himself!
It was like a huge weight was lifted from me when I told people.
Everyone rallied round to help and support me.

You can get practical when you need to keep yourself busy.
For now, you need to look after yourself.

So he has not even said sorry or asked for forgiveness?

Try to keep your fluids up even if you can't manage much. Many of us have been there and I promise this will pass but do try to take care of yourself.

Try your best to keep busy, find out what you should be entitled to - you don't have to make any decisions right now.

💐

Keeping everything normal is his way of making you feel like you have to "get over it". It's a very manipulative and cruel way to minimise what he has done.

He is invalidating your feelings and it's natural for you to want him to have empathy.His lack of empathy/concern is his issue and doesn't reflect on you at all.

I know how it feels when a partner turns into this cold remote person.Its hard for your mind and heart to catch up.Sadly you have to accept he has revealed his true nature.

Does he have anywhere to go? Getting him out of your space will help with feeling you have more conrrol and you be able to see things more clearly.

I'm a month down the line from separating.At the start it was completely overwhelming (like you feel now) but each day you take one small step and after a while you realise you have moved forwards.

I'm very action oriented so needed to know what would happen but your head has to catch up with processing the emotions.

Please tell people, it really helps to get support and talk through what is happening

He won't go anywhere hermione I've asked him. He's trying to deal with the other issues in our relationship (lack of time, communication, affection) before dealing with his deceit- like that was a product of the other issues and not the "thing" we should be talking about. He's a fucking robot.

He's back at 10 to discuss more. I've sent his a text saying he's clearing showing no remorse for the hurt he's caused me or is looking to say sorry and seek forgiveness. When we talk about these things he twists and turns the conversation. I'll concentrate on this today.

I've had a bath and drank some water. The school run was a nightmare. Made me think though - doing the normal stuff and carrying the dirty secret and deceit will be much harder than living with having the truth out there.

I want him to move out but I know I'll only be thinking he's up to no good out of sight. I'll ask him again. I want him punished if that makes sense? I want his world to change like mine has so he suffers too.

Don't talk to him any more, you are in no fit state right now. Tell him you are too ill. Phone him now and tell him not to come back to the house .

You need to start drinking or you will become ill. Are you still peeing and is it a normal colour- pale yellow and not not dark ?

Try to get some fluid and calories in. Even if it's ice lollies or flat Coca Cola . Can you keep down toast or plain biscuits or cereal ?

You becoming ill won't make him feel sorry for what he's done . He's already detached from your and the marriage .

I'm sorry , but you will only destroying yourself by trying to get him to take responsibility For what has happened. He won't. He's spend months telling himself that he's justified because of probelmes between you. It's bollocks. But that's what's in the script .they all do it .

The more you discuss it, the more he will blame you.

Tonight you need to tell him to move out or you will tell everyone . I mean everyone, including his family and friends . Tell him to move out tonight or you will do it.

Tell him you need space to work out how you feel. And how to save your marriage. Even if this is a lie . You don't owe him honesty.

Say you will agree to go to couselling if he moves out . In the unlikely event that he actually organises it don't go and say you have changed your mind.

This plan is to

1. Get him out the house now to save your sanity
2. Buy you time to deal with the shock, Physically and mentally .
3. Time to get legal advice

Once he's out, arrange times for him to see the children OUT OF THE HOUSE . He can take them out for the day at the weekend and one night a week .

That's messed up. Time, communication and affection was managed with another woman.... some effort was made on his part to obtain those things, so maybe if he had transferred all that effort to you this would never have happened.

Even if there were problems in a marriage you should work to resolve it not have an affair.

Broken, you should be calling the shots here not him. If you want him out then tell him that nothing will be happening if he doesn't respect your wishes.

I would divorce him if it were me.

The conversation ended up with him slagging off my family and saying I was a martyr and manipulative. I keep telling him how much I'm hurting but he's saying I have to move on?!
I've texted and asked him to pack a bag and go.
We just ended up arguing about everything from years ago and I tried to bring him back to the issue but he was trying to bring up things from two years ago. He's a fucking monster.
I've spoken to a solicitor today about the money and the house and found it reassuring.
He didn't even try to talk me round today just spoke to me like crap. I can't believe I married him. I just want him away from me.
I want to see him try. He's not even trying. It's like one big fuck you.
I've still not ate but drank. I've confided in a very old friend who I hardly ever see and doesn't know him. Why can't I just say now I'm divorcing him? It's like something is stopping me.

15 years with him and I don't know him at all. Why didn't he just leave me? The lies and deception are killing me.

So tell people in RL what he's done, and that the relationship is over as a result.

He's moving out tomorrow.

Good, I hope he follows through with that. I really think you need the space.

Thank goodness he's going.
You need some headspace.
It is really hard to understand how the man you've loved and honoured for 15 years can do this to you!
Mine was 15 years as well.
There's no describing the hurt.
Although mine didn't try to turn it around on me or blame me at all.
Your nasty husband is a c*nt!
Tell people.
Tell everyone.
Get your side across before he tells people and twists it all.

I am glad he's going, his cruelty is beyond comprehension, that should tell you all you need to know, I know it must hurt like hell but this man is no friend of yours, he does not have your back, he's a cheat and a liar and is not even remorseful, he does not care.

Time to get really angry, that anger will get you through and you must tell everyone in RL and lean on your family and friends, you need their support, do not keep his dirty little secret, especially after the way he has treated you, what a cunt.