Please help me and tell me what to do and how to cope. Husband cheated and marriage over.

[Brokenapple]

Children are 5 and 2. I found a text last night. Things haven't been good for a couple of years but I didn't expect this. He doesn't even seem sorry just defiant. I don't think he even wants to try but I'm not sure I do either - that's not point is it? I thought he would at least try.
What do I need to do now? I keep thinking about the kids with him and a new girlfriend. I can't stop being sick.
Practically what now?

I don't have access to work documents no. I'm worried that if I don't divorce now he would drain the money from the business somehow???
I don't know if I want to stay married. I'd just like the option to be mine if that makes sense? For him to cheat and tell me to fuck off would send me over the edge.

That would depend on how far back they would want to look, I don't know exactly what they ask for but his lifestyle, outgoings and income would need to match. im hoping someone who has dealt with similar will come along, or maybe ask the question over in legal.

Wait to see what he says but be prepared for him to not be sorry and to put the blame on you.

You are right about the business, it's very easy to hide money. If you divorce Now, he will have to show documents lkke management accounts andTax returns for the last year, it will be harder to hide money .

If you hang around trying to " make it work" , he may hide money going forward . This is very easy to do if his business deals in cash . Or he could transfer assets to someone else .

In the longer term, he can hide a lot of his income so your solicitor will try to get you a lot more than 50% of the marital assets, to make up for this,as you wil have the kids. I'm assuming you nave been the main carer so far and the courts like to keep things the same .

It is a limited company or is he a sole trader ? If it's a limited company ,who else is a shareholder ? Does he have employees ?

You need a solicitor

When you talk to him later, listen carefully and DONT AGREE TO ANYTHING . If he presses you, just say you don't know what you want , it's been such a shock, you are confused.

Even if you intent to divorce him ASAP and get every penny you can for your kids - don't tell him this. Remember he's had months to think about what he wants a show it might work - he's way ahead of you.

You need to buy time to get advice .you are still in shock and it in a position to start agreeing terms for a separation.

And you need to tell someone in RL, anyone who you know will support you. Friend, family, neighbour , colleague.

Get them to come over to see you tonight.

I work full time but have only just gone back to work after the kids. I'm assuming that makes me the main carer? How do I find a suitable solicitor?

It's a limited company and he employs one person.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

Firstly no matter how close knit your friends are you need to confide in someone in real life.

Take some time to think about it. But don't tell him any plans. Gather finances and speak to a solicitor just in case. If you decide to stay then nothing lost but if yoy go getting yourself protected is the most important thing.

He doesn't have to move out. He should but it sounds like he isn't playing nicely at all. So you will have to be prepared to fight for everything. Don't believe anything he says now.

Please see a solicitor tomorrow

Thank you everyone. My heads spinning. I don't have anyone in real life.

What a horrible shock.
Keep posting here. You will get good advice and kindness.
Be very kind to yourself.
Good luck.

How do I find a solicitor?

How do I stop notifications of this thread going to my email?

Google local solicitors, it's easier for you if they are close enough for you to visit when needed. You might need to phone around and see if any offer a free session, or you could try CA for initial advice if money is an issue.

Contact your local CAB they can give you numbers of local family law solicitors, many give an hour's free initial advice.

This is probably my second comment in 10 years. I just felt compelled to write to you. There will be lots of wise & wonderful posters who will help you through this, whatever you decide. Please know you're not alone. Can you talk to your mum? Or a friend who you can trust - even if they are a mutual friend?

As others have said today & to posters in this situation, you don't have to decide anything right now. You have done nothing wrong, he should feel like crap not you.

Keep posting xx

That's great it's a limited company . The rules are stricter, less wiggle room and there's more in the public domain. You can get the accounts from companies house for £1

Who is the other shareholder?

He's just bathed the kids and is talking about his sisters redecorated kitchen. I feel like he's an alien. I'm trying to remain angry not exhausted.
I'll get my finances together tomorrow. I'll think about telling my sister but it's hard as my dad has just gone into a nursing home and I don't want to add to the problems.

If this had happened to your sister, woudl you want her to tell you so you could support her ?

Are you still planning on talking tonight?

He is acting like he has done nothing wrong.

Yes but I'm the tough one in the family! I feel so ashamed. I feel like sorting out the mess then telling everyone. I've told my family I have a bug which is why I look like shit. I feel so alone. I've just been sat with the kids on my knee wondering how the fuck I'm going to tell them. I've had a square of toast since yesterday as everything else is making me retch but he hasn't even asked how I am. He's so nice to other people.

He is too busy ignoring the issue to notice how his actions have affected you.

You need to think practically, whatever happens, OP.

Click here to run the child maintenance calculator.

Click here to run the tax credits calculator.

It sounds as though he detached himself from the marriage a while ago. You may well find there was someone else around that time, too.

For me, he'd have to give bloody good reasons for staying and for acting the way he did.

He sounds horrible.
You will get through this, and you will look back in a while and thank your lucky stars that you found out what he is like before you wasted too many years on him. Stand strong and keep posting.

Are your parents around? Think how you would feel if one of your DC was feeling like you do. You would be desperate to know so you could support/help and love them. TELL THEM. Lots of love to you 💐

I'm so sorry you are you going through this.

I'm going through something similar as well but we have been somewhat trying to ork through it; when I say we; mostly me tbh and oh is now borderline abusive that I'm starting to wonder if he needs to see a doctor.

Like yours, defiant about what happened, in my case, not honest either.

It's shit. I spoke to family and it's helped massively; if anything at least there are a couple of pple who won't be shocked if it all goes belly up.

The thoughts of losing access to him and having no say over a huge chunk of their life absolutely breaks my heart and probably is a lot of the reason I'm still here. I still love him I think and never wanted this to happen but being honest, in front by a few months of where you are- it's still awful. Not comforting I know And I'm sorry about that.

I keep reading that time is a healer and I pray it is. I read lots of inspirational quotes and hope that I can find strength to keep going.

He's behaving so heartlessly, and I'm furious about that. How dare he behave so nicely to everyone else whilst he's so remorseless towards you?

Talk to your family. You need RL support xx