Has anyone ever sorted out a completely, utterly, fucked up life?

[WindfallenArch]

I've no job, no friends, a disastrous marriage, no money, family all dead. I have two tween kids who used to make it all worthwhile, but now look at me with contempt and have no interest in being in the same room as me let alone doing something together. I'm a 42 year old fat alcoholic and I'm utterly pointless. I drag myself sadly through each day and I see no joy in anything at all. It hurts in my heart all the time I'm awake.
Has anyone ever sorted themselves out after fucking up everything they touched?

Sorry for the self pity. Today is particularly excruciating.

blue thank you - you helped me more than you might ever understand

FantasticButtocks Thu 06-Oct-16 21:22:14
Yes to this.

You have a tape recorder in your head telling with all those critical thoughts. You need to reprogram your head!

I don't want to be trite but this did me the world of good

Well, Wind, you've helped me too - I'm in bed with annoying small jobs all done. I am very good at procrastinating. I hope you get some sleep.

Hello Ginbunny - of course we can do this together. I'm sorry you are suffering. I am a massive mess, so I wouldn't want to say I could help, but I can listen and empathise.

Hiya, have been reading your thread over the last couple of days and felt compelled to post before I turn in.

I'm not speaking from my own experience as I am lucky enough not to have a predisposition to addiction, but have seen it's destructive nature with several friends and family members and so recognise how hard it is to break free.

It may feel like you have a mountain to climb but every step counts, no matter how small. You may not have RL friends at the moment but your posts show you to be a warm, intelligent and likeable woman who with support, WILL be able to climb yourself out of the hole you have inadvertently slid into.
Once you can start to love yourself enough to fight for a better life, I'm sure your relationship with your DCs and DH will improve and I bet new friendships will follow too.

And I'm so chuffed that you're already inspiring others here to start to do the same!

Slight correction to your last post if you don't mind- you HAVE BEEN a massive mess. NOW you're a work in progress

married that was a lovely thing to post. It's buoyed me up. How are you feeling about it? How are your fanily members/friends?

WindfallenArch I haven't posted on your thread until now but I read through both of your threads tonight and I'm full of admiration for you recognising that you have a problem and wanting to change.

I'm a doctor but not a GP. I think you need to go back to the GP and ask to be referred to a psychiatrist who specialises in alcohol misuse. You are entitled to see somebody.

Also, I echo what the previous posters have said. Your writing style is fabulous! You are very eloquent and witty. I think you should start a blog about how you decided to turn your life around.

I think you are amazing and should be proud of yourself.

Wind, PM me if you want to. My circumstances are very different to yours in some ways but your thread has really opened my eyes to how out of control my drinking is. I've had a bottle and a half of wine and feel pretty sober. That's not good. And I don't have family either and few friends so I get how you feel about that too. It's very isolating when the world is full of happy families. I feel like a massive mess too, but if you want to just chat I'm there. No pressure

gin'bunny the greatest gift I could give to anyone that drinks to cope is to truly explain to them how steep the slope becomes.

badgoushk your warmth has given me succour on a trying night :-) it turns out the difference you can make to a stranger is quite profound.

Wind I like your style. Can't stand people with no scars and weaknesses. I do believe most if not all tweens look at their parents with contempt (and if they don't they are freaks!). The goal is that they will want to talk to you and socialize with you when they are 30+, or so my older friends tell me.
You write really well by the way. That can actually be a job you know.

How are you this morning, WF?

Hi, how is this morning so far?

Hello and thank you for asking.

I feel dreadful.

I've been dry heaving and shaking since 3 and I don't know where to put myself with the terror. Great, heaving waves of misery and panic. I've basically been awake for 48 hours and I'm having trouble eating so I know it's as much sleep deprivation and low blood sugar, but dear God I'm shaky. I've two duvets and a hot water bottle and it's still taking me forever to type this on an iPhone because I can't keep my hand still. I feel sick in a way I've never felt sick and frightened in a way I darent even put into words. Wretched generally.

However, I did make 2 packed lunches and pack two swimming kits and avoided an argument about a cardigan that I was strongly encouraged to take part in, so I assume the unwarranted abject terror won't kill me.

Yes, how are you this morning Wind?

Friday today... do you think you'll give the AA meeting a go tonight?

Also, I just wanted to add to FantasticButtocks great post about not listening to the voice in your head that is unkind to you, the one your mother started - If your mother told you unkind things about someone else, would you listen to her and decide that was a person to dislike? No, because she spouts unfounded nastiness. So don't listen to what she has said about you (including what she has 'said' indirectly with the way she treats you) because it is rooted in her own sad bitterness, not in truth.

You're doing so, so well. You've taken more of those little steps - two consecutive nights of tapered drinking is great.

However, I did make 2 packed lunches and pack two swimming kits and avoided an argument about a cardigan that I was strongly encouraged to take part in, so I assume the unwarranted abject terror won't kill me. Well bloody done! You are doing this. Sorry you feel so appalling

Cross-post.

It sounds really hard going, but this will not last forever. You're doing amazingly .

Sugary coffees? Hot chocolate? Something with calories that you can sip and keep down might take the edge off.

You're doing really well but I'm worried about you not doing this without medical help given how much you have been regularly drinking (no judgement)

brank and fantastic I hope you realise just how much help you are giving. I've tried over and over and over to get through this stage only to think 'fuck it, I can't stand one more second of this agony' and then go on to down as much as I can stomach until I can breathe again. These episodes invariably lead to yet another notch up on my tolerance, so every time I've made a concerted effort to do what Turning Point tell me to do I've ended up permanently a couple of units up on my baseline nightly intake. I've been going round the revolving door there since about 6 months after he died, and tapering has been, in my experience, the fastest route I know down hill. If I get out the other side this time you'll have done more for me than 4 years in 'specialist treatment'.

Try and eat something sugary - many alcoholics are as much addicted to the sugar as the alcohol as I found out researching sugar addiction. Just don't replace one with the other!! But to get you through the detox, I think you also need to see GP especially with this reaction as its so marked. It can't hurt t have a few tests to check on functions as well. Good Luck - V Brave.

You want to start getting better?

Go to the meeting tonight.

The solution is there.

Your life depends on it.

banty honestly I've begged for help from my GP for years. The help they have access to is Turning Point, which is a group of lovely well meaning counsellors who tell you to cut down 4 units at a time.

Turning point and other specialist organisations have brilliant advice but I guess sometimes you also need to work through some of the reasons that drove you to drink in the first place. MN can help a bit with that, and offer a bit of company in a lonely hour.

I see why you hate the idea of tapering if it's just resulted in setbacks each time in the past. I suppose your drink problem is like a sore wound and tapering is forming a scab over that wound so that it can heal. It always itches and feels worse for a bit as part of the healing process. The hard part is not scratching at it. In the past you couldn't bear the itch and you picked at that scab, actually making the wound (the drinking) a little worse in the process.

Well this time you are resisting! This horrible feeling is the beginning of you healing. Keep posting on MN if it's helping. There are lots of us rooting for you and really admiring you for fighting to make a positive change.

Will you go to AA? Come on, throw everything at this. AA is another string to your bow.

(Apologies for my rambling cliches, I'm tired and can't filter my thoughts so you have a total stream of consciousness this morning )