Has anyone ever sorted out a completely, utterly, fucked up life?

[WindfallenArch]

I've no job, no friends, a disastrous marriage, no money, family all dead. I have two tween kids who used to make it all worthwhile, but now look at me with contempt and have no interest in being in the same room as me let alone doing something together. I'm a 42 year old fat alcoholic and I'm utterly pointless. I drag myself sadly through each day and I see no joy in anything at all. It hurts in my heart all the time I'm awake.
Has anyone ever sorted themselves out after fucking up everything they touched?

Sorry for the self pity. Today is particularly excruciating.

Windfallen My brother died intestate too and my mother was also in a rage about the fact I inherited 50%. She also divided us before he died and that is a source of deep sadness.

I wish you so much luck on your new life. The good life you deserve.
Carry on with your efforts one step at a time.

Morning again lovely Wind.
I think you have done amazingly since we 'spoke' last. I really really do.
You now have 3 medical doctors as far as I can see having posted on your thread and I am going to be very blunt.
*Addiction services often fail because they are under researched and under funded. They are ok for a heavy drinker still in control. The whole point of addiction is that you have lost control. The revolving door that was detox-on-demand may not have produced longterm sobriety but it was surely no worse than the model we have now.
Secondly, there is A WORLD of difference between what the medical profession thinks is safe to detox from, and how much to cut down by, and what AA members know to be usually safe though bloody uncomfortable. 25 units a day is too much for the former and seen-all-the-time by the latter. I'm not saying you definitely won't fit. But you'll probably be miserable like I said for up to a fortnight but physically safe.
Thirdly only you decide what advice to take on your thread. We all have our points of view, some learned the other side of the desk, some in the pain of experience, some a mixture of both, or neither. Take what helps. Leave the rest with no guilt. And whatever else you do today, get to that meeting. I'm 300 miles away else I'd come with you.

Like I said I am not familiar with Turning Point, but if you have never seen an addiction psychiatrist then they appear to not be the right service for you.

By all means cut down if you can manage.
And I am well aware that MH services are a shambles in many parts of the country, but it is worthwhile asking again to be referred to a more appropriate program.

And yes, go to a meeting. Today. And then find another meeting somewhere else tomorrow.
I live in a small town and there are 13 meetings/week in a 5 mile radius around me. The people that go there range in age from teenagers to 80+ year olds, male and female, down and outs to very successful and well off people who are having very shiny lives indeed on the outside.
The people who has been going for a while have heard stories like yours and they will not judge, but understand and understand properly.
If you don't like the first meeting you go to, try another one - they do vary in their 'tone'.

Hey derxa can you talk about it? I'd be honoured to listen. I hope I'm not projecting but from the bare bones of your story we have much in common.

I absolutely do want to go to a meeting, and I will. Lots of them. I think they will hit many birds with one stone.

However , the idea of going to the kitchen right now fills me with dread. I'm not even exaggerating to make my point. I'm hiding in the dark in my daughters room because she still has blackout curtains from when she was a baby and her pajamas smell nice. Driving out to a Catholic Church 9 miles away to meet new people who are going to encourage me to tackle my demons seems like a genuinely insane way of going through the actual withdrawal bit. Or am I being a dick?

If you were your child suffering as you are now, what would you hope they do or what would you advise? Hide away or seek help?

Come on, you're doing so well. Go to the meeting. Please.

It's not an insane way of going about tackling your demons. Out of everyone, I imagine it's the people there who will understand the best.

You're not being a dick but you are looking for reasons to avoid going. That's normal and understandable, but it is still making excuses! You need all the support you can get to help you through this stage, as you will for the next stage. Maybe you won't like the style of it but it'll still kill some time at the very least. And it might actually be useful!

What time is it?

It might be a good idea to visualise your next step. Walking out the house and not stopping until you get to the AA meeting.

Or lying in a darkened room feeling wretched.

Hopefully today you will want to be kind to yourself and give yourself the hope and strength to take the first steps and keep on the long road to recovery.

No one is going to judge you either way.

But you can be sure that if you were to ask your children or your husband what you could give them to make their lives happier they would say a happier, healthier you x

You can do it lovely - we can cheer you on. I've been to meetings sweating and nauseous. It's not fun, none of this is, but you will have a weight lifted afterwards.

This might sound corny (sorry!) but could you visualize the tremors, shakes, terror and panic that you are going through as a 'good' pain that you need to endure in order to get through to get to the better, healthier side of you... a bit like having to endure the uncomfortable, searing pain of childbirth which you know will end and you will have a beautiful baby at the end of it?

Sorry if no help at all....

8pm

excuse me while I wail like a toddler but EVEN AT THE VERY BEST OF TIMES I DONT EVER GO ANYWHERE AT ALL AT 8pm, I'd be equally reticent about going to a bloody pub. I'm not used to leaving the house, or talking to anyone, or driving, or finding a new address or not being there at bedtime for the girls or generally not being 'settled in for the night' by 5pm. Jesus, not drinking literally pales into insignificance at the prospect of going somewhere at 8 bloody pm. I'm fully aware this sounds unhinged. I'd go to a meeting now, no problem. I don't know how to explain that I'm not frightened of the meeting per se, it's the being out and about on my own and not locked in for the night and knowing the day has stopped being dangerous. I don't want to be on my own.

:-) thank you wot. I am trying to visualise it leaving my system. Might try my hand at a spot of amateur trepanning. Could probably manage something rudimentary with a chopstick if I mount it right and run fast enough.

That makes sense Wind, it's totally outside of your comfort zone because it doesn't fit with your comfortable routine that you have set up for yourself.

Picture us all going with you. Get in the car, post on this thread before you start the engine and get going. Park. Post again before going in. We'll all be listening and cheering you on.

You need to be fed to do that drive though.

You have a very get sense of humour!

I understand about the wanting to be locked in safe from the world but you're exchanging that perceived (and very real, to you) danger for the real danger of addiction.

You deserve better.

Can we be here to talk you through getting out of the house and getting yourself to that meeting this evening?

Just read the thread and come from a family of alcoholics, and have suffered from bouts of depression all my life. Just coming out of a biggie. Going to that meeting tonight will be something so amazingly impressive that everyone here will bow down in front of you. I think you should challenge everyone on your thread to do something they don't want to do but if they did do it, would be massively helpful. My challenge: I will actually write 1000 words today rather than procrastinate.

Good afternoon

In answer to your question, friends and family are a mixed bunch, some doing better than others.
My mother is smoking 50+ cigarettes a day despite having T2 diabetes and starting to lose feeling in her leg. One (half- this is relevant) sister has the 'addict gene' from her mum's side. She's tried everything except heroin which her older (half on the other side) brother has been addicted to for many years. She's had alcohol issues too and has had to hand her teen DCs over to their father after becoming homeless although she's trying to get back on track yet again. I find it hard to understand but although I still love her dearly, I've stepped back because we've bailed her out too many times. She has to do this herself.

I KNOW YOU WILL MAKE IT TO THE AA MEETING TONIGHT. Yes, you're scared and feeling awful but the alternative is what? Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

We are rooting you on because we can hear your determination. And everyone loves a tryer. Have you told your DH that you are working on this or is it just us? He can't support you if you don't let him know you need it.

I'm home for a few days (had knee surgery yesterday) so have unlimited MN time and will be keeping an eye here.

You CAN do this

Driving out to a Catholic Church 9 miles away to meet new people who are going to encourage me to tackle my demons seems like a genuinely insane way of going through the actual withdrawal bit.

When you put it like that it sounds absurd.
If you said "9 miles away are people who understand and will help me make changes that will improve my life beyond comprehension" it sounds a bit less mad.

Or am I being a dick?
No. No you are not being a dick. You are scared and terrified. Hiding is more comfortable, of course - totally understandable.
Ok, here are two trite truthisms (one already deployed upthread): if nothing changes, nothing changes.
And - Courage is not being fearless, it's feeling the fear and doing it anyway.

I'm with married, I know you will make it to that meeting

2 holes for the trepanning Wild:

1. to drain away the negative thoughts and alcoholic toxins, tremors etc with it (need to drill q big for this!)

1. to fill it up with positive thoughts and miniature Mners rooting for you, holding your hand, some being kind and gentle, others being q bossy with you.

Alternatively imagine something like a toddler race where you are teetering and tottering and faltering a little but we are running alongside you hollering in your ears and waiting at the end with big batwings and enormous bear hugs.

Please try to go to the meeting. Set yourself small challenges. Say to yourself, I'll go and sit it the car but I don't necessarily have to tuen on the engine if I don't want to. If you do in fact turn on the engine, say to yourself, I'll drive there but I don't have to go in if I don't want to. Small steps! You might just find you get all the way to the meeting.

And if you don't go, we're all still here for you.

But please try to go.

Xxx

If the withdrawal gets too much, go to A&E and they will give you something to help.

That is if you're insistent that you can't go back to the GP.

AFAIK A+E will NOT give something to help unpleasant withdrawal - they will treat a withdrawal seizure or drunken head injury or any number of other serious and life threatening problems that come with alcohol excess/withdrawal, but detoxification is NOT appropriate for A+E.

See your GP again. Get referred to specialist addiction services, not for 'tapering', but for a medical detox; ideally that should go with counselling/therapy.

Go. To. The. AA. Meeting.

Breaking your routine will be an important part of getting to grips with this. I hate going out if I've got home for the day but if it's important I make myself do it.
And this is important. You can do this.

Well I had a bowl of soup and drove halfway across the county to a town I've never been to before to get to a day time one rather than go to one tonight. So I don't know if that counts as a success or failure. I went though.

They talked about God a lot. I'm reasonably happy with my God shaped hole to remain vacant, but they were kind and welcoming. I was given some books.

Sone of it was downright ODD.