Has anyone ever sorted out a completely, utterly, fucked up life?

[WindfallenArch]

I've no job, no friends, a disastrous marriage, no money, family all dead. I have two tween kids who used to make it all worthwhile, but now look at me with contempt and have no interest in being in the same room as me let alone doing something together. I'm a 42 year old fat alcoholic and I'm utterly pointless. I drag myself sadly through each day and I see no joy in anything at all. It hurts in my heart all the time I'm awake.
Has anyone ever sorted themselves out after fucking up everything they touched?

Sorry for the self pity. Today is particularly excruciating.

Life is already so empty and lonely and grey. I feel like I'd lose the only sunshine.

For a few short hours I'm not fed up

The darkest hour is before the dawn...

I will never sleep again

You can give AA a go, do all the suggestions, and if it doesn't work, drink will still be there.

No, it's the opposite. Using your analogy, alcohol has created a false, grey, sky for you, in which alcohol is the sunshine. Get rid of that sky (which is hard work of course) and there will a better, proper, sun shining.

Some of the things that are difficult will still be there, but you will cope in other ways because your life will be full in other ways. And your kids will respect you so much for it (alright, maybe not while they are teenagers, but later!).

Going to the AA meeting isn't your only choice but it is a good one.

It would be nice to talk to someone - just chat, not ruminate or anything. I'm so lonely, my husband is always in another room and I don't blame him. What a pathetic rag I am. If I die of it - which is a distinct possibility - there would be nobody to go to a funeral. How embarrassing is that? I'm afraid to die because it would be writ large that I wasn't any use. Any aquaintances that by some miracle decided to turn up for a sausage roll would realise they were my closest friend. Oh dear god. What a thought.

Wind fallen

You are just making up excuses. You have got to pull yourself together. You are drinking close to 200 units a week. You will not see 50. You won't see your children grow up and in the miraculous event that you do they will most likely hate you and pity you in equal measure.

You already have raised enzymes - you can turn around from this. YOU CAN.

Go to the AA meeting - you have absolutely nothing to lose.

Which area of the country are you in?

Sorry. That was my teenage personality on full display when you're being so kind.

I'm in East Kent

You're allowed to vent all those feelings! But don't dwell on lack of friends, nobody is defined by who comes to their funeral. My mum has no friends but she is very valuable in mine and my childrens' lives, it's not a marker of value at all.

Come on, you can do this on Friday.

Sorry op I'm in a bit of a rush, but I wanted to leave you this link to Zen Habits:

zenhabits.net/about/

Leo has a very gentle encouraging style and has changed his life in many ways. I don't buy into everything he does, but I think he gives very good advice on how to go about making permanent and meaningful changes to our lives.

Hey 😃

Yes you can turn it around!
My story:

Age 15 I begin an affair with a 46 year old man, one night he raped me

I then date a 24 year old man (see a pattern ).

Age 17 I contract genital herpes and suffer a miscarriage

Age 18 I fall pregnant, spending yhe next 4 years with DDs dad, who I find using heroin in the bathroom. He then leaves me for a teenage girl.

After the break up I go from one shit relationship to the next, meet someone, suffer another miscarriage, the boyfriend at the time left to live with 2 gay men. I was gutted.

During a routine smear discovered I also had HPV.

I was diagnosed with severe depression and d prescribed 40mg citalopram.

That's when I decided to turn it around. I got a job and went to college, and over the years I developed.

Fast forward a few years and I have a very happy healthy DD, a job I love, qualifications coming out my ears, and a boyfriend who adores us both. I am weaning off the anti depressants and looking forward to the future.

It does get better I promise!

Hello joanne that's quite a story! Can I ask how old you were when you turned it round?

I'm so sorry Wind, your thread had dropped off my list and I'd lost track of you a bit. Please try and go to the meeting on Friday, is it a different one to the one you tried before? I know they vary in approach so just hoping it might fit better with what you need.

How do you feel about FriendofBill's idea to call the helpline and have someone meet you? Would that put too much pressure on or do you need that feeling of having committed to being there to make you actually go? I can make sure I'm available for hand holding and pep talks beforehand if that's any help and I doubt I'll be the only one on this thread happy to help you get there.

Please try, I know it feels like a big step but the first one is always the hardest. It might just give you the support you need to feel able to take the next step and the next and before you know it you're practically running towards a better life, can you afford not to at least give it a chance? Sending you love and strength

Wind you will find your sunshine. Try to go on Friday. Hope you are ok.

Oh, you are all so kind. I wish I could offer something in return.

So, are you going to go to the AA meeting?

You need to stop drinking. Please go to AA.

I turned round a shitty life but I never had addiction issues so I could just keep on going small steps.

But you have a massive issue to sort first. The drink.

The biggest thing you could give us in return Wind would be to hear you making a little progress, starting to sound a little more positive and hopeful for the future. I so hope you can manage to give the meeting a try, it really could be the start of a new life for you

Hi Wind. I remember the cutting down advice. How I laughed. I'm an alcoholic, I can't do tapering. If I start I don't stop.

They are right that there can be medical repercussions from just stopping. I don't want to post anything that constitutes medical advice here.

Yes, 25 units is a lot. However, I won't judge you for that... at my worst I did a week of 24/7. Over a litre of vodka a day.

AA people in recovery will help. I will help you if I can. I tried everything to not have to give up alcohol. Now, I see it as the poison it is. It gives me nothing and takes away everything. Happy for you to pm me.

Poor you. I don't like to see too many friend but am very happy. I think it is not your position that is the problme but your mental state. In other words large numbers of people are happy who don't work or are over weight or who don't have friends. Just as there are lots of people wtih jobs and friends who are very unhappy.

What you need to alter is your mental state - the balance of seratonin in the brain. Could you start with a good long walk after lunch every day for an hour going as fast as you can go? Nothing else.

Also alcohol and sugar do give people a high and then they crash so gradually cutting down is a good idea. My mother gave up entirely without help as things like groups and doctors was not her scene and she did it. She never drank again for the last over 20 years of her life. I actually hate alcohol and never drink it, never liked the taste. I'm very lucky.

You don't owe us anything at all.

Of the things suggested here, what do you think you might try out?
What little positive change are you going to make?
Do something good for you - you deserve to feel better

Yes, I have. It isn't easy to start with but take one step at a time because you have to start somewhere. Don't be too hard on yourself but do make an effort to get up in the morning,wash, dress and eat properly every day. Then tackle one thing - be it the dishes or tidying one room of the house. Put a dinner of some sort on the table - chatting to the kids over beans on toast is wonderful, trust me. Then tackle your drinking - cut down, limit yourself or stop completely - but things will be worse if you don't deal with it.
It seems like a mountain at first, but you can do it.You'll get there xxx

you'll get there