Has anyone ever sorted out a completely, utterly, fucked up life?

[WindfallenArch]

I've no job, no friends, a disastrous marriage, no money, family all dead. I have two tween kids who used to make it all worthwhile, but now look at me with contempt and have no interest in being in the same room as me let alone doing something together. I'm a 42 year old fat alcoholic and I'm utterly pointless. I drag myself sadly through each day and I see no joy in anything at all. It hurts in my heart all the time I'm awake.
Has anyone ever sorted themselves out after fucking up everything they touched?

Sorry for the self pity. Today is particularly excruciating.

[WindfallenArch]

That does sound good Enid I'm so very, very tired.

[TemporarilyLost]

Blimey we have a lot in common. I wake up somedays and feel that rising panic and desperation that just freezes you and makes you want to rush through the day till you can drink and for a few precious hours it doesn't feel so bad.

Do go back to AA. The positivity from people who've overcome horrendous rock bottoms is heartwarming and inspiring.
Be gentle and kind to yourself and remind yourself that you are worthy of love and health.

[WindfallenArch]

That's kind of you temporary - how are you doing? Are you in recovery at the moment?

[TemporarilyLost]

Yes. I was doing well at the end of the summer and then crashed spectacularly off the wagon.
I'm back on it now (shakily) but the temptation is everywhere. I feel, miserable, fat and bloated. its no way to go on and it stops you making positive changes.

Do you have any Rl support at all? I made a friend in AA who has been sober years and really helps me. Also the dry thread on here was lovely if you're ready to take the plunge.

[scortja]

Try high doses of omega three too - it changed my life..

The Mood Cure by Julia Ross is great - please try before antidepressants, I wasted 20 years taking ineffective ADs.

[WindfallenArch]

hello temporary - no, no RL support. I never learned how to make friends, and I've no family(an unfeasibly unlucky set of deaths ), so it's really hard to meet people - even when someone is friendly, they quickly cotton on to the fact that I don't have any friends and then the pressure is just too much. I have literally no idea what an adult friendship looks like or how they operate.

I read about how to deal with depression and its laughable - they say things like 'when held up to scrutiny you'll see your catastrophic thinking isn't real'. No, it really is real. I therefore don't know if I am 'depressed' or feeling perfectly reasonable feelings based on the fact that I am utterly alone, jobless in a deprived area, penniless, aging, losing my children, in a pointless marriage, have no skills or hope and have regret after regret about the mess I made. Despite the fact I have a masters degree I'm unemployable and haven't got any pension and I'm terrified of the future.

I feel so utterly hopeless. Genuinely if I wasn't responsible for my kids I would see no point in going on.

scortja thank you for the kind suggestion - I'll look it up.

[FriendofBill]

I read the title of your post and thought 'I have'
And you are in luck, because you are an alcoholic.
What area are you in roughly?
I also recommend AA.
PM if you want.

[TemporarilyLost]

Alcoholic: AA will be a practical source of help

No friends:AA will introduce you to a new set of friends that not only empathise with you but that you can be unflinchingly honest with and they will not judge
No family: my sympathies . But now can you translate family as an unconditional support network (yep AA again)

Give it a go and do keep on posting here.

[WindfallenArch]

Hello friendofbill I'm in East Kent.
temporary everyone seems to be saying the same thing, so perhaps I had better listen and give it a try

[GinIsIn]

6 years ago I was an unemployed, single, 12 stone overweight, depressed insomniac. Things could not be more different now, but I let the bad things go on for so long that I couldn't face tackling them.

Here's how I did it: make 1 tiny positive decision. "I will clean out the salad drawer in the fridge by 11am." "I will get off the bus a stop early and walk." "I won't order and eat a family sized dominos by myself at 2am." You only need to make one of them at a time, but you have to do it. And once you've done that one thing, you set yourself the next thing. Just a small thing.

Before you know it, the tiny good things you've achieved spiral outwards and become bigger, and you find out you can do it after all.

I've since got married, run a marathon, got a job I love and am expecting my first baby. Life is good now, but it all started with the tiny decisions that were all I felt I could manage.

You can do it!!

[Brankolium]

Oh Windfallen .

You have been brave to keep trudging on all this time whilst feeling as miserable and hopeless as you do. Now you need to just up that bravery a notch and give AA (or something similar) a go. You say you tried it before and didn't go back but that's not a reason to avoid trying again, lots of things in life need multiple tries to get it right. Plus, failures can still be a part of moving forward; they don't have to mean actual failure.

I've never had a problem with alcohol but have had some very dark times of feeling like I've screwed everything up and there is no hope left. Or maybe that it's just too late/too much effort to make any positive changes. It's never been true, just the darkness tricking me.

This sounds really twee but I'll share it just in case! I have found it helpful to take time to really imagine yourself in the future 5/10/15 years down the road to a scenario where you haven't sorted your life out. Close your eyes and transport yourself as best as you can. For me, it really highlights the opportunity I have now to make the changes needed to improve my imaginary future (instead of focussing on the changes I haven't made in the past that have made my now so miserable).

You can do it, you really can. And keep this thread going too, or join one of the alcoholic support threads.

And Fenella, that's really inspiring! I agree with the 'little achievements' at a time attitude - all about achievable goals rather than massive ones that force you to stick your head in the sand.

[DailyMailPenisPieces]

Teenagers are meant to be like that. It's normal, healthy, vital. It's tough though. They will come back. Allow yourself to feel proud of having produced normal, stroppy teenagers.

OP, you are so eloquent, insightful. I refuse to believe you have no future.

I'm sorry to hear about all the deaths. Could you be suffering from post traumatic stress? Your response sounds like a normal response to extreme trauma.

I have a really strong feeling that you will turn your life around - I think you've hit rock bottom and that this is the point things will begin to change. Tiny steps.

[WindfallenArch]

fenella good grief girl - well done indeed. You sound like you really turned it around. It would be lovely to think I could do the same and perhaps have such an inspiring tale
to tell.
daily you're very kind to the the time to say such lovely things to someone you've not met.
I'm genuinely touched by the kind people who've offered advice - you've no idea how much help you've been to me - it's been a lifeline these last few days. It may be a small thing that you've managed to get a stranger to get dressed and clean her teeth but where I was yesterday it meant I had some much needed pain relief, so it meant a lot.

[Brankolium]

Windfallen that's amazing, well done.

Whilst you credit MN strangers for their kind words and encouragement, don't forget that you allowed those words to give you some get up and go. You could have ignored them and put your head back under the duvet. That was one of the many small steps towards your better future and you were instrumental in that. You.

More and more of those tiny steps and one day soon you will turn around and see that you've already walked a mile (argh what a sickening cliche, but it's true!)

[GinIsIn]

It really is as simple as just tiny steps - changing one thing - but the key thing is, and I mean KEY - if you mess up, don't manage something or get a bit lost, DON'T GIVE UP! Just shrug it off, set yourself a new baby step and move on. Otherwise you are just knocking yourself back to zero.

[FlappyFish]

Wind, if you want to hear inspiring stories of people turning it round, find an AA meeting with a chair. They will talk about their experience, strength and hope and people will share back. A meeting that is focussed on steps straight away can be fairly overwhelming.

As you may have guessed, I'm in recovery. I turned it round from a hideous rock bottom. The one thing that really stands out to me is you saying that drinking is the only time to get away.

I was like that for a long time. I lived to get home from work, eat dinner and drink. Gradually the alcohol crept up. The anxiety got worse. I would medicate more.

It can get better. I didn't think I would even be alive today. My last drunk landed me in psychiatric hospital for six weeks. Just three years before I had a very well paid corporate job and I lost it to alcohol.

At he time I didn't realise it was the alcohol. It was just the job that was stressful. The cleaning. The family. Nothing to do with the copious amounts of vodka going down my neck...

I have found brilliant friends in AA. There is very little you can say in a meeting that will shock. Trust me, there will always be someone there who has done worse! But we call those the yets in AA. It's not happened yet, but it can do.

It took a lot of work to get me to this point. Both professionally and AA. But it can get better. I used to hate it when people said it to me. But it really can.

[WindfallenArch]

Hi flappy I'm on about 25 units a night. I keep going to turning point and they say I'm on so much I have to cut down rather than stop, but years and years of experience tell me I can't cut down. Every single morning I promise myself I'll limit it, but I know I won't. I lie to myself and I know I'm an untrustworthy arse. I retch when I drink - it's hardly a crisp white on the sun terrace. It's an ugly cheap wine box hidden in a drawer and plastic tumblers down in one. I despise myself.

[FriendofBill]

08009177650
Alcoholics Anonymous.
Why don't you call and see if you can get to a meeting tonight.

[WindfallenArch]

I've looked on the website - there isn't one near me tonight. Oh god I can't bear the idea of walking in there.

[Brankolium]

Which day is there one close to you Wind?

[WindfallenArch]

Friday

[Brankolium]

Do you think you could give it a go on Friday then? With lots of people on MN rooting for you!

[WindfallenArch]

I am starting to think there is no alternative

[FriendofBill]

Call the helpline.
They should offer you someone to come and meet you.