Has anyone ever sorted out a completely, utterly, fucked up life?

[WindfallenArch]

I've no job, no friends, a disastrous marriage, no money, family all dead. I have two tween kids who used to make it all worthwhile, but now look at me with contempt and have no interest in being in the same room as me let alone doing something together. I'm a 42 year old fat alcoholic and I'm utterly pointless. I drag myself sadly through each day and I see no joy in anything at all. It hurts in my heart all the time I'm awake.
Has anyone ever sorted themselves out after fucking up everything they touched?

Sorry for the self pity. Today is particularly excruciating.

Also, I bet your mother (I can't call her mum) noticed something different about you but couldn't quite put her finger on it. Go girl!! is that a smiley wearing a witch's hat?!

Good to hear wind, although you must give us details. What about the phone?

Just think an hour and a half and that's another day sober!!!

Want to talk, to say how grateful I am, but it's been just a bit lovely in my family tonight and don't want to break any spells!

No problem. Glad things are good, don't break the spell

That's totally fine! Wonderful to hear you experiencing a bit of well deserved happiness.

No need to break the spell! 😀

Ah that's lovely. Definitely don't break the spell! In fact, leave mumsnet for tonight and just enjoy your family!

And what Brank said earlier was so lovely, and so true. How nice to think your dc will never have to feel the way you do about your mother.

I have had to stop reading (for now) bcs I have to be up early to talk to my sponsor

How utterly glorious you are, Wind

Popping by to wish you a continuing good night. You more than deserve it

Oh what a lovely update before I go to sleep. I am so happy for you Wind. See you tomorrow!

Having a loving relationship with your children is more than compensation for having a rotten one with your mother, I have found.

Oh wind your last update has given me a happy tear. Absolutely delighted you had a lovely experience. Go you.

Wind, I don't know you but I feel like I do a little bit now and I am so bloody proud of you.
I started reading your thread last night and finished it this morning and I'm having a little weep at your general awesomeness and specific love for your girls.
I drink too much and sometimes I feel like I'm clinging to "normal" life by my fingernails and the shitness of how my life is and everything it's missing can be overwhelming. Amongst various other things my babies are all leaving home and I'm starting to be really really alone. I need to give myself a big kick up the arse and make my life better while I still can. You've given me some inspiration to do that and I'm very grateful.
Hang on in there. There are wonderful things waiting for you. I have such a good relationship with my kids that I couldn't imagine after my own problematic relationship with my mother. You will reap the benefits of what you're doing now every day for the rest of your life.
I'm going to be here cheering you on with everyone else.

Lovely update to read, Wind.

wind, just read your entire thread in the bath instead of cleaning the house like I should be as I've actually got childcare for a few hours! You have certainly been through the mill darling. There seems to have been some pretty fucked up people bring you up causing serious damage. I to had a fucked up childhood too and made even worse decisions than you, following on from that. And a pretty hardcore alcohol addiction to boot for 28 years. I'm 42 this week. Like you I'm partial to wine. Good news is you don't have to white knuckle this. You've fallen into the trap, the belief that alcohol will get you through the dark days. It will bring you "happiness". Crazy thing is... It's an illusion, a lie, a fallacy brought on by wine itself. Embedded in by years and years of daily habit which hardened the belief till it's the only thing you could see. I have been on quite a journey this year, the thing that has helped me immeasurably are 2 things. Reading these 2 books, both very similar, control the alcohol by Alan Carr and quit drinking easily by Jason Vale and also most importantly of all, get some counselling. I see John Flaherty, author of addictions unplugged via Skype. These things have HELPED SO MUCH! How you view yourself wind, and the value you place on yourself and your perception of what role alcohol plays on your life, and what alcohol actually is, is in my very, very humble opinion what you need to address. I'm not a huge fan of AA and it's amazing for some, not for others. It wasn't for me, and there are very different options for your emotions in these early days of sobriety other than pain, anxiety and fear. Like weeping with joy at finally starting to unshackle yourself from your demon which has literally almost sucked the very life out of you. I'm rooting for you with all my heart.

with that last update I think you're well on your way to answering your own original question here Wind (the thread title I mean).

oh and have you considered running. it's a form of therapy for me. stick some trainers on you and the kids, open the front door and go round the block. you may even find you like it!

ICESTAR MostIneptThatEverStepped LuckyBe40 What lovely things you had to say. I am starting to actually feel optimistic - I don't think I've ever felt optimistic. It's not just typing on a forum to someone like me that's a bit lost, it's dishing out hope.

Hello Bad Brank User147 married fantastic fusion banty lapin mrscog pigflew There really aren't any words to say how much you're helping me stand up to the shitty bit of my brain and kick it to the kerb.

I'm afraid I haven't much inspiring or motivating to say to anyone that might be reading because they'd like to stop boozing. I'm doing OK, but I'm still drumming my fingers and I'm nowhere near thinking I don't want to drink, I just don't want to be bonkers. The only inspiring thing that springs to mind is that I stopped a 10 year old bludgeoning her sister to death with a wooden pencil case during a dispute over a Smiggle watermelon scented eraser without screaming 'FOR GODS SAKE!!!!' or holding my forehead in my hands even once. Progress.

Wind I haven't posted since about page 3, but I've been following and cheering you on. I know this is a hard time of day for you, so I just wanted to post to say hang on in there, you're doing great.

And that not screaming FOR GODS SAKE!!! is truly impressive. I made sure I was out of earshot of my 5yo when I said 'shut up' under my breath at the fiftieth wail over nothing today. Unfortunately, my 8yo was right there and heard me...

Well, let's face it: watermelon scented anything (and the ownership of such) is indisputably a life and death situation 😜

Aw, Wind, I am SO glad that the meeting with your mother was not as hideous as you had feared and that she won't be back for months and months

And I cannot tell you how much it warms my old cynical heart to read you talking about feeling optimistic - I truly hope that this feeling is the start of a wonderful Rest Of Your Life.

You are marvellous.
You are awe inspiring.
You are just a credit to the human race - warts an'all!

Your refereeing over the Watermelon Eraser Incident is a brilliant milestone.
Wishing you many more

Hello, have been reading for a while but suddenly moved to post by remembering that in Silence of the Lambs (the book, not the film), Clarice sits next to her washing machine for comfort when Awful Shit Has Gone Down - there's some terrible cod psychology about the vibrations being womblike or some such, as well as the more standard comforting smell of clean laundry - anyway, just wanted to share some solidarity, albeit fictional.

This thread is a marvel in so many ways, I bet there are literally thousands of people rooting for you.

ARGHHHHH pacific my dear I am so sorry that I didn't sat hello earlier . You've been there pretty much longer than anyone. I know that!

It's hard without faces or avatars to tell who is who. I will probably never be able to say thank you properly to any of the people who have scooped me up off the floor, but dear me, I have vowed to pay it forward if I make it out of this mess.

Wind, this is your thread, for your benefit - you don't 'owe' me diddlysquat.

I tend to dip in and out of MN anyway. No thanks or anything required at all (and I cannot retain user names to save my life ).

Paying it forward is v good.

For inspiration...

Ahem. WHEN not if

As you were

JsOtherHalf I logged on to a PC to say just how life changing your post was for me. I, for the first time in my life, understand that someone else, anywhere in the world needs what I need to breathe calmly. I promise you I thought I was so totally alone that it literally never crossed my mind to Google it.