Has anyone ever sorted out a completely, utterly, fucked up life?

[WindfallenArch]

I've no job, no friends, a disastrous marriage, no money, family all dead. I have two tween kids who used to make it all worthwhile, but now look at me with contempt and have no interest in being in the same room as me let alone doing something together. I'm a 42 year old fat alcoholic and I'm utterly pointless. I drag myself sadly through each day and I see no joy in anything at all. It hurts in my heart all the time I'm awake.
Has anyone ever sorted themselves out after fucking up everything they touched?

Sorry for the self pity. Today is particularly excruciating.

Ooh, well spotted, married!

Yes, WHEN not 'if'

Don't think of the end result Wind, think of the journey!

I think I finally got some peace myself today...sounds stupid but I think I worked out the whole fuck up of my marriage issues....I've let go....and think I have to accept it's over...I've done what I can to resolve it (stopping drinking, trying to make amends etc)....if me and did get back together I think there are too many issues that would remain unresolved (not including my drinking as I'm still in the process of sorting that) DW also has issues she would need to resolve but refuses to.

You know what though, I was able to sort all that out in my head without drink, and I don't need a drink to cope with it....we don't need drink, and I think that if we were drinking not only would our judgement be clouded but we would miss the enjoyment of things like stopping dcs almost killing each other.

wind you are in my thoughts daily, and although I can't compete with some of the amazing posters on here and your own beautiful, eloquent way of writing, I just wanted to say well done you lovely human being you are really doing this and I think you are awesome

Magnolia just bought a book on kindle that no part of me would even have given short shrift a month ago. I dare say I might never be able to get on with it, but even a fictional person that jams themselves against a washing machine to feel human will make me feel a bit less of an anomaly.

Oh, Wind, not an anomily at all. I love the sound of the washing machine going - it signals to me that things aren't that bad. There's washing being done. Things are being made fresh again. Plus it was one of the best inventions ever. Crouching in a ball in a corner of the kitchen seems totally logical at time.

Hi UserForm - I know you don't want a pat on the back, but I want to give you a big high five for grabbing the serenity prayer with both hands.

Wind, you are amazing, I wasn't thinking of the serenity prayer when I wrote that above. But I suppose that's what I've done.

Oh wind I have just spent the last two hours reading your journey so far. Wish I could say it helped the insomnia😂 but you have given me the light I needed. I want you to l kniw that...
I'm ''sleeping' on a matress on the floor ...at bloody 50!! 2 teenagers who nearly get off phones to acknowledge my existence 😂😂. But now un out little home after years of stress that I won't hijack your tread with. But I wanted to add to your virtual friendship list old girl...x

Please excuse typos....might have a go at that sleeping lark now x

Morning onanitherday - Thank you, and l hope you got some sleep in the end. Feel free to hijack away, or maybe link if you have something you feel a listening ear would assist. I hope you're ok.

www.sensory-processing-disorder.com

When you get a chance, do some research on sensory processing disorder, or sensory integration disorder. It's usually about children, but that's only because it wasn't diagnosed a generation ago.
Actually it's barely diagnosed now...

www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/sensory-processing-disorder-checklist.html

Anything here ring bell?

Thanks Wind😊 How is your day going?....shipping forcast finally knocked me out!😂 You might not realise but not only do you have a large group following you and wishing you well....but your canda and humour is helping lots more...me included. Although we're here as a result of sbxh and his addictions ...we are survivors as are you and your family...it's a terrible disease.

Hi Wind, another one just popping in to wave my pom poms for you! I've just read your thread in it's entirety over the last few days and can't believe the difference from your first post to now. You are doing so well.

Personally, I have overcome a few obstacles in my life, from debt to over-eating but alcohol has never been my thing. Last year I lost three stone by joining Slimming World, and am managing to keep it off so far, but the temptation to stuff my face with cream cakes (and hide the packaging in the outside bin so husband never knows) is there every day. Not exactly the same as what you are dealing with but it's the only analogy I could come up with! I take it one day at a time, heck, one meal at a time if I have to, and I just hope I won't let myself and my family down.

Keep strong, keep your mother at a very long arm's reach, and have faith in yourself. You are stronger than you know.

Wind I actually really rate it as a thriller - the very best kind of trashy novel. So is Red Dragon, the earlier one - the later ones are total balls though. Clarice is a great character (as is Lecter). Good take-your-mind-off-things reading, I think.

I hope today's been bearable.

...it's been a while Wind....hope you are ok?...
Remember Rome wasn't built in a day so if you've slipped ...you now know you have the strength to pick your self up....here as a listening ear xx

Checking in to say hello, Wind

Whether you're doing well or not so well, just keep on taking the next step.
And be kind to yourself

Lurker popping up to say you are doing incredibly well! Keep on keeping on.

Thinking of you Wind

Keep on keeping on love x

If you're still reading op -

12 step recovery is about so much more than stopping the addiction. You have to be prepared to submit to the programme, though. And, frankly, it's a no-brainer because what you were doing before under your own steam was just plain awful. The process can be challenging at times, you have to go along with things you may think are akin to talking to the fairies.. but so what? What you were doing before was so dreadful and vile and, again, what choice do you have? It actually WORKS. Unlike what you were doing before.

You may not be ready to submit to a programme that works. If so I hope it isn't too long before you are ready (though it's astonishing how much self-inflicted degradation people endure before we are indeed ready to give up and admit we are powerless and need help - because we can't, or don't want to, do it ourselves).

Friend number 6 just checking in to see how you're doing? I'm missing that wit of yours!

Hiya Wind

Hoping that you're still facing the right way up and moving forward, however slowly it seems to be going. Deep breaths, you can do this.

Goodnight, crossing my fingers that you're getting some kip

Just wanted to say hello Wind. Willing you to know how bloody brilliant you are.

Another one checking in. You go quiet for a day and we all worry! Hopefully you're just busy getting on with life.