Has anyone ever sorted out a completely, utterly, fucked up life?

[WindfallenArch]

I've no job, no friends, a disastrous marriage, no money, family all dead. I have two tween kids who used to make it all worthwhile, but now look at me with contempt and have no interest in being in the same room as me let alone doing something together. I'm a 42 year old fat alcoholic and I'm utterly pointless. I drag myself sadly through each day and I see no joy in anything at all. It hurts in my heart all the time I'm awake.
Has anyone ever sorted themselves out after fucking up everything they touched?

Sorry for the self pity. Today is particularly excruciating.

I can see how that's complicated in terms of the kids.

On the plus side, if it's never really categorised in their minds then it might slip more easily away into the land of hazy and distant memories once a new normal is established.

brankolium I hope with all my heart that's what I can do. When my 11 year old said to me 'mummy you get tired earlier than you used to' two weeks ago I knew the game was up. Mainly because I realised it had been up far longer than I thought I'd got away with.

Aaargh!
Typed two longish messages but phone cannot cope with size of thread.
Sorry Wind, may have to just PM you.
Or post in several mini chunks!!!!

That's a shame Alley, thanks for trying.

Hi there, WF.

Any meetings today?

The thread has moved on a bit I see.

I've been thinking about you.

Hey, just finished reading your post and I want to say THANK YOU. I'm sitting on the sofa with a right mardy arse, letting my kids run riot because I had a bad week last week with depression and my DH has gone to work.

Reading your brave, brave words and seeing how determined and fantastic you are has properly inspired me to get off my arse, take my pills, clean the kitchen and go for a walk.

Thank you, you fantastic woman for being brave enough to share your journey and giving me a kick up the bum.

P.S - I love your sense of humour, non light able candles had me snorting!

Hi wind just checking in (no76, the strange lady who wrote all the usernames out).
I read your updates each day and I'm amazed and proud of your achievements since last weekend. Keep going and keep writing, it is obviously helping you.
Much love

Hi Wind, I'm really glad to hear of how you are getting on and that although last night was tough you were able to get through it sober (Im the guy with the 19yo daughter and 10yo son by the way)

I finally got the desktop up and working so its a bit easier for me to talk now.

Re the kids/Elephant in the room and the drinking, I think it might be an idea to talk about the elephant in the room at a level that others will understand - I didn't think that my son knew about my drinking until he told me that he ised to hide beer on me. I din't know that my wife knew that when I went to the shop for milk that I left the beer in the car to get it later - They knew but didn't want to start any rows, your kids have an idea, maybe you owe it to them to let them know you are trying to stop.

Giving up alcohol is hard on you, it's also hard on the family, and when looking at your reasons for stopping, one group of people who will be most happy and supportive will be your family, they may know your triggers better than you do - they may also be able to help you through the times that you think you need to drink.

Alcoholism is a family disease, not only have you been affected, but your family have too, they nearly need treatment too, this can be through Al-anon, or similar, or it may help just to sit down and talk to them, either way it won't be easy but your family need it too.

To be honest with you I am at times Jealous of what you have, in that both of us are starting our recovery, but you are lucky enough to still have your family round you......I'm getting it in bits and pieces of how hard I was to live with when drinking , and I'm trying to sort out and make things as right or as better as I can from a distance (DW states there is no going back no matter what I do) ......while you are still at home and have your family close at hand try and sort it out....it will be a hard conversation, but I think it will make life a bit easier for you in the longer term.

People on here have asked you about writing a book, I sort of stole the idea and started writing a blog (I have only one entry so far), but the reason I'm doing it is so that I can look back at the hard times during recovery, and hopefully get confidence to keep on, (I've had a hard week staying sober this week, but I have done it)

Most of all I hope you get the serenity that is talked about in AA, and you find the happiness promised

lady blimey - it's amazing what mumsnet can do isn't it? I've been so grateful for the kindness and support.

Hello userformerly, Brank, Barty, drlockheart
One day at a time, my arse. I'm like a caged animal tonight. Every second is a victory. I do not want to be doing this, even slightly right now. I want a warm tummy full of wine, some peace and predictable oblivion. Buh.

userformerly tell me about your blog? I'd love to read it. You say it's been a hard week? I'm all ears if you want to talk about it.

Hard week in that in that I thought I had a good convo with dw on Sunday, she let me know a lot of what she was feeling in relation to the way I was drinking and how I had been drinking, I let her know that I was sorry, and a lot of what I had done was through the fog of alcohol, in terms of being drunk or hungover when I was doing a lot of things .....thought we had opened the lines of communication.

Was at my wife's house (marital home) last night to pick up some stuff and were discussing contact for next week I had planned on the way there not to discuss relatoinship, but of course it came up - I was asking her to try and she was saying no, told me she hated the smell of me in the morning, hated me coming in drunk at 3am and she had just had enough, that there was no way back to a relationship and basically there was nothing I could do....she started to talk about events where I was drunk or hungover, things that happened before we even got married....at times I think she married me to get out of a situation and then I think don't be stupid, then I think is there someone else etc.

I'm thinking DW left because of my my drinking but wasn't expecting me to stop.

All I want is for her to at least try to save our marriage but she is saying she tried enough and won't anymore. In the past few weeks I think I've done everything she wanted as regards getting help, stopping d inking, apologizing etc but after a row 6/7 weeks ago she won't try.

I think if she would even try counseling etc and it didn't work I'd be happier.

Don't get me wrong I understand why she left etc, it's just that she won't even try to save the marriage.

First entry on the blog is here, I'm not sure how good or bad it's going to end up! melapa1.blogspot.co.uk/2016/10/in-beginning-there-was-alcohol.html?m=1

Wind, I really hope you're finding ways to get through this evening, is there an AA contact you can ring if need be? You've come so far, a second at a time is fine if that what it takes tonight. Are you still doing the clean your teeth and bed routine you started with? Would you sleep if brought it forwards a bit tonight to shorten the evening?
User, you, like wind are incredibly open on here and helping so many people, whether with addiction, depression or illness. I just read your blog post, it's great, keep going.
Sorry if all that sounds patronising, I don't mean to, just not the best at giving advice but feel compelled to try

Thanks pig flew past

user I'm impressed too. You've been incredibly open and honest. 40 days is a real achievement. I'm sure your blog will help plenty of others.

Keep going Wind You know the wine won't really and truly give you the peace you want. I hope you've found support from someone tonight.

Hi Wind
Had to delurk to say I've been following your thread with everything crossed for your success. Addiction is tough and you're going to need to increase your resilience as time goes on (to avoid those old traps) which I'm certain you will. You've already shown amazing will and determination. It's early days and the meetings sound great for you but being active can also help quiet those demons! You could as time goes on try some mindfulness or basic yoga to settle your nerves and nourish your body with decent food and extra vitamins as you will be lacking in some nutrients! You should probably get checked over by GP as you've done an amazing thing but may well need bloods checking etc.
I started running when I dealt with my own issues and it not only made me feel great but also made me look a bit better too!
With your family relationships I found the Out of the fog website really useful...you might too. Really opened my eyes to what I had tolerated from a family member and helped to engage with other people who were dealing with the same!
Not trying to get you doing too much or boss you but just wanted to say there's a future for you that looks good and I'm rooting for you!

Sorry to hear it's a particularly tough evening

Do your kids like fireworks? I'm imagining you in 3 weeks being able to take them to see a display because you don't have to sit in drinking. Or being home and sober, ready to hear all about it when they come in from going with friends/dad. A whole new world is opening up before you Wind and it's going to be good.

Hi Wind, how are you doing? I'm thinking of you!

Hi Wind, I'm thinking of you too

Hi Wind
How's today? I managed to walk further than I have in ages and my feet are so sore! But in the spirit of celebrating the triumphs - here we are at the end of another weekend and it finds you sober. Hanging in by your fingernails but sober. Serious well done to you.
I'm loving the autumnal colours - a reminder that the world keeps turning no matter how horrible a place my head gets at times. What has today held for you? What plan will help to get thru this evening?

Hi wind, just checking in, sorry last night was tough. How was today? Hope you're ok.

Hello wind

How are you this evening?

Just checked in to see how you are today, hope you're ok

Wind, if you've been busy or are just fed up with MN, great

If it's all gone tits up, or you're just feeling horrendous please don't feel embarrassed to come and post. People are here to support you in whatever is happening, not just to listen to tales of things going well!

Hi Wind, I just wanted to second what Brankolium said. Hope you're okay and, if things are tough, we're here for you x