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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Has anyone ever sorted out a completely, utterly, fucked up life?

998 replies

WindfallenArch · 30/09/2016 14:36

I've no job, no friends, a disastrous marriage, no money, family all dead. I have two tween kids who used to make it all worthwhile, but now look at me with contempt and have no interest in being in the same room as me let alone doing something together. I'm a 42 year old fat alcoholic and I'm utterly pointless. I drag myself sadly through each day and I see no joy in anything at all. It hurts in my heart all the time I'm awake.
Has anyone ever sorted themselves out after fucking up everything they touched?

Sorry for the self pity. Today is particularly excruciating.

OP posts:
marriednotdead · 11/10/2016 18:05

Thanks for the menu inspiration- spag bol here tonight too. Can't be waiting on bubbling pots when it's 15 mins in the pressure cooker though Smile

WindfallenArch · 11/10/2016 18:22

Hello Ronnie, Good and Jess thank you - it's been so amazing to feel supported, I really have been blessed the last few days and it's made all the difference.

They say go to more than one meeting, as they are all different and flipping Nora was this different. I opened the door expecting to see what I've seen so far, basically a overly conscientious Beneton advert of diversity of quiet murmuring before it all starts .

This was not that.

Everyone there was clearly auditioning to be Ray Winstone.

Before I put anyone that might be reading this off, it was a completely wonderful meeting, in the end. But crossing that threshold was partly a question of weighing up the chances of getting my head stoved in, at lunchtime, in a sunlit Methodist Church. It seemed to me that people don't normally hire a church hall or fetch themselves a little biscuit when planning anything untoward. And if someone goes to the trouble to put the chairs in a little circle on the off chance they could chop someone into little bits, its only polite to acknowledge the time and effort they've put in. So I asked if it was an AA meeting and they were LOVELY.

(Technically I guess it's possible they were auditioning for something gritty on Channel 4 but hastily decided to improv an AA meeting just cause it would have been awkward to say 'next door, love')

Anyway, it was basically 3 Ray Winstones, all of Auf Wiedersehen Pet, Sid James and me.

I didn't say much. They talked about being in prison a lot. They also said how they had never learned to grow up until they learned to be kind, tolerant and loving. They laughed a lot.

OP posts:
Hidingtonothing · 11/10/2016 18:30

Not sure if it's appropriate really to laugh at your description of the meeting Wind but I'm afraid I did, you have a real way with words! I have to say it sounds great to me but then I do love Ray Winstone Grin Glad it turned out to be good for you despite initial impressions, you sound in fine form today so that's good enough for me Flowers

Atenco · 11/10/2016 18:41

Gosh, Wind, you are an advertisement for AA tourism.

Pigflewpast · 11/10/2016 18:41

Sat here giggling head off, luckily at home this time! You really need to be a writer. Also having spag bog tonight because of you, though saw something on sky news earlier saying it's not real spag Bol if you put Basil or garlic in but hey ho, it has to be worth eating. Looking forward to tomorrow's meeting instalment, have you found one for tomorrow? Hope you manage to sleep tonight x

Bluepowder · 11/10/2016 18:42

It sounds like a fabulous experience and you describe it really well. Do you think there is a market for a Rough Guide of A A meetings?

Pigflewpast · 11/10/2016 18:45

Ha brilliant! Giggling again

PacificDogwod · 11/10/2016 19:10

Ah, WindFallen, I'm sorry, but they sound fab (or at least you make them sound fab. And I do confess to a weakness for Ray Winstone Blush).

I like the idea of an AA Rough Guide Grin

Keep on keeping on. I know it's trite, but get through the next 5 minutes, hours, days and you are doing all anybody could possibly do.
Hope you're feeling physically a bit better, and that the mental wellbeing soon follows.

WindfallenArch · 11/10/2016 19:22

I had a lovely time, I really did. They couldn't have worked harder to make me feel welcome in what, in any other room, would have been freaking WEIRD.

I'd not hesitate to go back in an emergency - they were wonderful, but I'll not be back quickly, solely because they need that space, just as it is, for themselves. Can you imagine what a haven on succour and belonging it must be for those blokes? They'd spent a lifetime trying to feel better in all the wrong ways only to find that being lovely to each other is the only way. Watching Ray Winstone.ii telling Timothy Spall how he healed the little boy within through learning to help others made me very thankful indeed.

OP posts:
BantyCustards · 11/10/2016 19:23

Wind - you really should think about writing (sorry if that sounds like telling you what to do, it doesn't come from a place of 'should' but more from a place of 'appreciation'. Despite the heavy theme of this thread you regularly have me sporting a wry smile and a giggle.

BantyCustards · 11/10/2016 19:25

Oh, and trust me when I profess that is not an easy accomplishment with me these days.

Pollaidh · 11/10/2016 19:39

Haven't read the whole thread, but gathered enough that you are seeking help. Good for you.

Yes I know 2 people who were alcoholics and have turned their lives around and are now living happy, successful, alcohol-free lives. So it can definitely be done, with courage, determination, and a lot of support.

And I'm in agreement with someone who suggested you try writing, even if just for yourself, or fan fiction or something. Might be a good outlet and you have a good 'voice' and comic sense.

marriednotdead · 11/10/2016 19:48

Another one who would love to see you write 'properly', your way with words is unique and has made me giggle so much, despite the gritty subject matter
Please get this thread moved or saved- it's rapidly becoming preliminary notes for what may well turn out to be the best true story ever.

BantyCustards · 11/10/2016 20:02

^

HermioneWeasley · 11/10/2016 20:06

wind it's a privilege to watch your journey. Your strength is an inspiration. There are many here who care about you and wish you well- keep going!

FantasticButtocks · 11/10/2016 20:07

I haven't even told you about my alcoholic friends yet! Said about my father and how we loved him, but I also have a friend, and it's so normal that he doesn't drink alcohol that I actually forgot that he once used to drink. Very destructively. He very nearly lost his wife and young child. That was his rock bottom. His child is an adult now and he is still married, really happily to his dw. They are totally committed though, to the whole thing, she went to AlAnon he to AA, he now helps other alcoholics get to meetings and counselling on phone. It's been more than 20 years since he drank, and he's a very happy, very loved person.

My other friend has not got to where you are yet. Her relationships with friends and family are being destroyed and she just can't stop. She's very sociable and also a much loved person- she's gregarious after the first few but quite unpleasant after a certain point, followed by being totally incoherent and incapable, and pissing on floors in front of her dcs. She is on a terrible path and all we can do is stand by and witness it. Every so often she is driven to talk about it and think about if she can do anything, but she's not there yet and it is a worry to her friends and family. Sad

AllTheShoes · 11/10/2016 20:28

wind I don't know what to say, apart from you are doing something that a few days ago you thought was impossible. And that's utterly amazing.

Oh, and if you had a column in any newspaper, I'd actually buy it, rather than resorting to Metro. You have a certain dry, wry humour that comes across in your writing that's incredibly engaging.

Stevefromstevenage · 11/10/2016 20:30

Seriously Wind there is a book in you. You have a gift. Start journaling.

Badgoushk · 11/10/2016 20:40

I can imagine you writing a column in the Guardian about your recovery!

NewspaperClippings · 11/10/2016 21:23

I've just sat down and read this whole thread (kitchen's a mess and no laundry's been done Grin). It's the most inspirational thing I've read in a long time. OP, how are you feeling this evening? Your children are lucky to have such a strong mother - I really really mean that xx

derxa · 11/10/2016 21:33

Anyway, it was basically 3 Ray Winstones, all of Auf Wiedersehen Pet, Sid James and me. Grin Bless you all.

FruitCider · 11/10/2016 21:37

I've not read the whole thread but yes.

Left home at 16 with no GCSEs due to abuse, bounced around hostels until I was 22. I had severe depression and anxiety, was told by a physiatrist I would never be able to work. I've now made a recovery and I'm a qualified nurse!

OP here are some messages for you X

Has anyone ever sorted out a completely, utterly, fucked up life?
Has anyone ever sorted out a completely, utterly, fucked up life?
Has anyone ever sorted out a completely, utterly, fucked up life?
yellowsquarepostit · 11/10/2016 21:56

So glad wind!

Keep it up- And the writing!

But if you do hit a blip, feel lost, down or like it's a few steps back, keep focussing on "this is just for now, I CAN change, take control and I CAN feel happier, and I WILL." Go to the next meeting, reflect on the funny and the sad, keep taking those steps, as they do add up to miles. Smile

needhelptohelpmyself · 11/10/2016 22:31

I've namechanged for this, sorry. I've just read through your thread in tears - I started out thinking I could maybe give you some supportive comments, but realised you're so far ahead of me already! Too raw to go into details, but I've been trying to get my courage up for a while to speak with my GP, or to attend local AA meetings. I think the meetings would be more productive but I'm terrified, to say the least!

What if there are people I know, from school etc???
Do I have to stand up and speak in my first meeting?

And the most terrifying thing of all: how will I survive without my crutch of a bottle of wine (and more) every evening?

I KNOW I need help, for my children's sakes even more than for my own, but it's so damned scary :( I know I could do with some handholding, but I tend to push everyone away if they get too close (hence the frequent name-changing on here).

Lapinlapin · 11/10/2016 22:32

You sound so much more positive today. I know you've still got a long way to go, but you're doing brilliantly.

Have you ever read Rachel's holiday by Marian Keyes? I know she's often billed as a chick lit author but I don't think that does her justice. She's very funny. Anyway, this particular book is about a drug addict going through therapy. It's much funnier than it sounds! Grin

I think you write about your experiences in a similar, witty way. So, start a novel maybe...?

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