Has anyone ever sorted out a completely, utterly, fucked up life?

[WindfallenArch]

I've no job, no friends, a disastrous marriage, no money, family all dead. I have two tween kids who used to make it all worthwhile, but now look at me with contempt and have no interest in being in the same room as me let alone doing something together. I'm a 42 year old fat alcoholic and I'm utterly pointless. I drag myself sadly through each day and I see no joy in anything at all. It hurts in my heart all the time I'm awake.
Has anyone ever sorted themselves out after fucking up everything they touched?

Sorry for the self pity. Today is particularly excruciating.

Nothing much to add to the thread tonight Wind, just checking in so you know I'm still thinking about you. As always I'll no doubt be up til the wee small hours so you won't be alone if you can't sleep and want to chat, hope you have a better night tonight though

I'm watching the Derren Brown thing, joined it halfway through and am wondering WTF is going on with the devil and the lord and the faith healing and all the biblical stuff? Is he being serious? Curing people's eyesight and bad necks? Anyone any the wiser?

Hello fantastic - nooooo the Derren Brown thing about faith healing was him disproving faith healing - you came in late, love :-)

Fantastic, he has a lovely book out called 'happy' that I bought in desperation 10 days ago, just before you lovely lot came to save me.

You saved yourself, we just came along to keep you company

If you want to hang on to this thread for longer, don't forget to 'report' it so that MNHQ can move it.

Well done for another amazing day on the path to the rest of your life

You're doing so well Wind. Hope it's a good night sleep wise for you

married - it's lovely of you to say I did it myself. I'm still not sure I've done it, but I know I've been trying to quit for 20 years, and I've literally never had a night off when I'm not pregnant. I never stopped until I had my big fat positive and even then, I spent my first weeks of pregnancy grieving the drink. I spent the rest of the term waiting and waiting, yes for a baby, but fundamentally for a drink.

I think it's fair to say, 3 nights in, you lot saved me. Nothing else ever did.

Hi Brank - I've decided not to even try to sleep tonight. I'm so used to crashing I have no idea how to go to bed. So I've decided to wait until I can't stay awake. I'm trying to treat it like a bad Sunday morning. Presumably my eyes will shut at some point. I'm not frightened or sad in this precise minute. That's new.

Just picked up on this thread - keep going Windfallen Arch, hope you get some sleep tonight xxxxxx

Thanks Disabrie - I'm trying very hard.

Thanks Wind watched a bit more and realised i was too late to get what was going on. Normally like him but seeing that religious stuff I was a bit WTF?
I wish you an enjoyable night, must feel very 'new' to be sober and also not afraid or sad, so it might be ok to be awake for some of it and maybe drop off while reading or just thinking and planning - Good on you for all you've managed to get through and managed to actually do.

Wind - don't know if it'll help at all but I've had horrible insomnia over the years. One trick that really works for me is forcing myself to keep my eyes open - only the slightest of blinks allowed - even if the room is pitch black.

Somehow my brain decides to spite me and my eyelids start to droop. It might just be me, but thought I'd share in case it helps at all.

Fantastic - he was very religious himself at one point, and joined a church that 'specialised' in 'curing' gay men (of which he is one, to give context if you weren't aware). He's really quite cross about faith healers. His book is intriguing if you fancy a bit of entry level philosophy - it's not fluffy self help at all. With hindsight, I finished it the day I started this thread, and it very possibly made me do it.

jassy hello :-) I'm going to try that

Wow fantastic - did you paint that then?!? Oil? Acrylic? Where is it?

Wow Wind that is utterly amazing. I was so sad reading the early part of your thread that I had to stop. We recently lost a way too young extended family member to alcoholism and it stung reading your obvious pain.

However I loved your style of writing so I was drawn back to have a look back in here to check in and I literally cannot believe it. You are simply amazing. You should be so proud of yourself. You have taken the most important steps on your journey. Wishing you the very best journey back to good health and happiness You are not alone.

You are an absolute inspiration.

Fantastic that is fantastic

Aaaah fuck, I have something in my eye.

Seriously Wind, I have been lurking and just wanted to say how very well done. And I love your writing and sense of humour.

I'm so sorry you've lost someone Steve. It's really hard to get out. My heart goes to you, and to the person you lost, it really does.

Wind, I was crying hard tonight missing my mum who died , when I found your thread.
Your misery and the start of your climb out stopped me crying.
Thank you

Hello hearts I feel a bit of a fraud taking high praise for what is essentially the decision not to go to a Co-op for 3 nights in a row. But I'm touched.

Yeah but I'd hazard a guess that those 3 decisions not to go there were probably the hardest decisions you've ever made. So take the praise woman!

iminshock, sorry for your loss

Now that is self deprecation if ever it was there Wind twas a bit bigger than that.

Hi iminshock - oh sweetheart, grief is a dark place. I wish I had some wisdom to offer, but clearly literally nobody should listen to a single thing I have to say about coping strategies. The only thing I can say is that I've learned in the last 10 (count 'em) days is how much talking helps. I hope you have a lovely network of people, but if for some reason you don't, feel free to talk to me.